A/n: I'm warning you: this is extremely random and pretty bad. It could tie in with the Kidnapped Socks stories, if you wanted it to. I was just bored, and found this idea slightly humorous. But the actual story didn't turn out that way...


"What are you doing?!"

Jake Ryan jumped, dropping the blanket he was struggling to pull out of a bag in the process. He turned around, seeing his wife standing in the doorway of the bathroom. Her hair was wet, and her right hand cocked on her hip while the left held her towel shut.

He hurriedly flung the duvet on the bed, and excitedly spread it out. He couldn't wait to show her what he'd bought!

She walked down the three steps that separated their room from the bathroom and raised as eyebrow, watching him spread the duvet on their new bed. She tapped her foot against the carpet impatiently.

Once he had it on there, he turned around to face her. However, he had not seen her cross the room, and was startled to see her face a mere inch or two from his. He laughed nervously at her angered expression, taking a step back. Just in case, he told himself.

"Look what I got!" The words bubbled out of him like an excited child. He gestured at the golden silk duvet he had spread on their bed. She looked from it, to him.

"I see it." She said coolly. His smile vanished from his face as soon as he heard her tone. He studied her face, trying to figure out what the problem was.

"It's golden, look!" He exclaimed loudly, picking up the edge and showing her.

"I can see that." She said coldly.

He was confused, he thought she'd love it! It was so much better than that torn up quilt they'd been using!

"It's...silk?" He said meekly, rubbing it on her bare shoulder. She pushed it away.

"I can feel it just fine, thank you."

He looked at he for a few more moments, before he burst out with, "Okay, what's wrong?"

"How much was it?" She asked, eying the blanket with distaste.

"Only a few thousands! It's such a great deal! It's perfect! Oh, no, this is about the color isn't it? I knew I should have gotten white! But the sale lady assured me red and gold went together, and that it was really classy! You know what, I'll go return it for the white one! Yes, that's what I'll do! I'm so incredibly smart that sometimes I—

"You spent a few thousand on this?" She asked, glaring at the offending blanket.

"Yes. I mean...yes?" He asked, fear in his voice.

She took a menacing step forward.

"Why would you spend that much on a tacky, golden blanket when we already have a blanket?"

She pointed at the quilt in the corner. It was old, and had multiple holes in it. In addition to that, it was bright yellow with pink and red roses on it. A girl's blanket.

"Look at it!" He exclaimed in disgust. She narrowed her eyes,

"I happen to love that blanket. I've used it ever since I was a baby.What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing! Well...I mean, it's a...girl blanket." Jake screamed hurriedly. Then added, "And it's torn up. And it's old. And—

She let out a very scary sound, that reminded Jake of a growl. He stopped.

She walked over the corner and picked up her quilt. She wrapped it around herself, forgetting the towel.

"This is my blanket. I sleep where it is used. So I will be on the couch."

She walked over to the couch in the corner of their room, and sat down on it with the blanket.

"We're married now, we've got to make sacrifices!" He exclaimed.

"Oh yea? Okay, you get rid of that ridiculous sock collection." She pointed at his drawer. He gasped,

"Do you just want us to be shot with lightening? Those are lucky."

"How so?"

He frowned, grabbing a pair and holding it to him protectively, "They just are, okay!?"

She loathed the socks, "One day, they will get what's coming to them."

He held his socks in fear, "Don't touch them!"

She sighed, "So, trash the blanket already."

"No! I can't do it! I can't be degraded to use a girls blanket I...I..." He lost his train of thought, because she was crossing the room, coming toward him. She smiled sweetly at him, reaching an arm out from underneath the blanket to stroke his face.

"I... can't...do it. I just can't! You can't..."

"I'm kind of cold. Do you think maybe you could help a girl, and warm me up?" She said innocently.

He looked away from her.

"No! I will resist your tricks! I can't use that stupid...stupid blanket! I will join a resistance! A husbands against pink rose quilts resistance! And we'll bring you down."

She moved so he was looking at her again, "Come on, don't be such an old prune. Join me." She flashed him a smile, wrapping the blanket around his body also. She kissed him gently.

"Damn it! Why do I let you do this to me?! I'm a prisoner, and you're creatively torturing me! Next thing I know you're going to be stealing my socks. And then you're going to completely turn the house into a girls! I'm beginning to think you're part of some kind of Nazi husband camp, and your slowly leading me to a death camp—...oh, my god. Are you naked?"

She shrugged, kissing him again. He prayed for God to give him strength, before completely forgetting exactly what he didn't want to happen and kissing her also.

"You really shouldn't," She kissed him again, breaking his sentence, "do this," another kiss, "you evil, evil person.."

Years later, after thousands of patching jobs, the same quilt rested on their bed. While the silk blanket served as a very lovely blanket for their puppy to sleep on.