Disclaimer: Not mine, of course!
A/N: Another Lily/Sev fic, because I love them. I like this one, it made me immensely sad while I wrote it. I think I need to start writing happier things, but this one had been in my head for ages. Like I said, I didn't expect it would be so blooming emotional to write!
A/N Two: I know the mudblood incident happened in the fifth year, but personal I think that sixth year works better for this story. I also know that Sev is slightly OOC, but he's sweet and I like him.

We have a strange relationship. It ought to be a perfect one. We love each other. Unconditionally. And yet we aren't together. That's Voldemort's fault. Not entirely, of course, but mostly.

It started, we started, when we were mere children. I was his first friend and he was there for me when my sister wasn't. When we started Hogwarts, I didn't notice the cracks in our relationship. Perhaps I just didn't want to notice them, I don't know. When we were in fifth year, some of the Slytherin's started acting different. Detaching themselves from the rest of us. Severus didn't join in with them straightway.

Then, half way through sixth year, he called me Mudblood. To this day, I don't know why he did that. I'll never understand him, I know it now and I knew it then.

Something should have changed within me, and it did, I suppose. My mind told me to be angry with him, so I was. I always listened to my mind. I trusted Logic, because I understood it. Somewhere deep inside me, in my heart, I questioned him. That wasn't the Severus I knew. I spoke to him once about it, in seventh year. I told him everything.

'Severus! Severus! Wait a moment!' I called to him on our last day of Seventh Year. I knew he was going into Potions, not dark arts like some people said, but I knew his Slytherin friends would mock him if they saw him talking to me.

'Lily? What do you want?' he replied somewhat curtly. I can't say it surprised me, we'd only spoken very awkwardly in Potions when Professor Slughorn had made us partner together. Not as friends for over eighteen months. It didn't matter to me. I still wanted him.

'Severus, I'm sorry, I know you don't want to talk to me, but I'm so scared I'll never get to speak to you again, and I need to tell you something of the highest importance. The thing is…well, I think I love you.' I managed to stutter out.

'What?' he was clearly surprised, and the usually sarcastic edge was momentarily missing from his voice.

'I can't live not seeing you everyday, I love you.' I replied honestly.

'Love is just an invention of the mind. Its not necessary to live. You know that.' he said, his usual manner back into his voice.

'Do you honestly believe that?' I said in disbelief.

'I… I…. I don't know. What answer do you want?' his voice was less harsh, and his eyes told me everything his words couldn't.

'You have the answer inside of you. It might just be buried deeper than you think. If you look hard enough, you'll find it. I just hope you find it before its too late.' I smiled at him, and kissed his cheek softly, beginning to turn away. As I did, he grabbed my wrist lightly, forcing me to look face him again.

'What about James?' he whispered. I had wondered when that small issue would come up. James and I had started going to Hogsmeade together just after Christmas this year - February of Seventh Year

'I don't love James like I love you, Severus. Don't look at me like that, its true. We love each other, of course we do, but it's … platonic, it's like we're such close friends. Sometimes I think he's knows me better than I know myself, and it's the same for him, but its okay. Do you remember Mary McDonald? She was my friend. She died a little before Christmas, you know,' I had to take a breath. It still hurt me to think about Mary. Severus knew it, and gripped my wrist a little tighter. 'James still misses her. I think he loved her like I love you. He'll never say it to me, but he doesn't have to. Please, Sev, I'd give everything up in a minute if you want me to.'

'Lily … I … I've always loved you. I will always love you, but you need to go to James,' he said slowly. I could see it was paining him to tell me to go back and be happy with his enemy, 'I don't want to hurt you. I need you to live happily and safely, and I can't give you that.'

He must have been nearly a foot taller than me. He'd always treated me like glass, like I was the most precious thing in the world. He lent down and, very lightly and gently, kissed me. I'll never forget the look in his eyes.

He never was good with words, but I could read the world in his dark eyes. His look that day said, 'I'm sorry' and 'I love you'. I smiled sadly and nodded. He raised my hand up to his cheek, leaned into it slightly and inhaled, like he was trying to memorize me. 'Goodbye, Lily.' he whispered, suddenly letting go of my hand, whisking away and not looking back.

I lied, before, when I said we had a strange relationship. For a relationship to be strange, it has to be there. We have no relationship. But I still love him, I always will.

James and I, we love each other, but deep down… I miss him and he misses her. We stay together because we can't be with them. But its okay, we know each other and we help each other.

When I was younger, I wanted to live the fairy tale. I know now how ridiculous that was. Because we don't always get our fairytale ending, but we get something nearly as wonderful. And sometimes we have to be happy with the way life turned out, even if we aren't with the people we thought we would be.

I was telling the truth though, when I told Severus I couldn't live without him. When I get upset, I remember that there's always something worth living for, always something to get you through. For me, its just the thoughts and the memories of one person. Severus.