I Loved You!

"I love you!" he yells this every night, as if wishing some higher power would return her to him if he just admit it. But she never does get sent. And so he spends another night, alone, cold and drunk, crying, and sometimes laughing, over the irony that the first time he admitted to himself that he loved her, was when he and Gunn rounded the corner and found Angelus feeding off her.

He slumps down on the chair, the empty scotch glass in his hand, and falls into an uneasy dream about her. The dream is always the same. "I'll stay here and help Connor" And so he does. He stays with Connor, Lilah and Fred. When Angelus turns up, Wesley manages to fight him of and he leaves, only to return that night and turn him. But that's not the worst of it. The worst part of the dream is when he slowly and painfully, whilst Angelus watches, kills Lilah. He plays with her mind first then feeds off her slowly. But before she dies he tells her he loves her... then snaps her neck. At this point he wakes up screaming the same thing "I love you! I wouldn't do it!"

He looks around, drops the empty scotch glass he didn't know he was holding and crys. Softly at first and then harder until he feels like he's going to die, thinking about her all the while. All the time muttering the same thing "I love you! So why didn't I stay?" His tears fall as an unheard being, in an unreachable realm, screams to him...