Disclaimer: I do NOT own Degrassi. If I did…Well, you'll find out.

Author's Note: This story contains graphic self-mutilation. Possible trigger.

Summary: Ellie has been doing so well in life, but what will stop her in her tracks? Who will come to save her? Warning, cutting, rape. FIRST FANFIC, be nice.

"dialogue"

POV Marker

Thoughts/Flashbacks

Journal Entries

Chapter 1

I Don't Want to Remember

Ellie rocked back and forth, refusing to remember, at the same time unavoidably doing so. She couldn't bear the thought of him, but she couldn't escape it.

Flashback

"You're mine, Ellie," he had said.

"No, please...please don't..." she begged.

He slammed her onto his bed, holding her down, and proceeded to tear off her clothes.

"Show me you love me," he gurgled drunkenly.

"No...I'm not...I'm not ready!" she whispered, too terrified to scream. There was nothing he could do. After missing a few times in his drunkenness, he entered her forcefully. Thrust after thrust burned her lower region until he orgasmed and pushed her off his bed. She took this chance to leave as quickly as she could.

End Flashback

She couldn't stand it. The rush of feeling so violated was going to kill her. No one's home, she thought. Ellie ran down the small, empty hallway to the bathroom. Searching wildly, she found a bag of disposable razors. She took one, broke it open, and gingerly pulled off one of the blades. She slid it on her wrist, and waited those few brutal seconds before the blood began to flow. It slid in one long, snaked drop down to her elbow. To her, it was so relieving...so she made another cut, and another. Then, wanting to release it all, she carved his name across her wrist in fair-sized letters:

JESSE.