+ All the bladers attend a new school, and Max decides to start a diary to record his time there. Insane humour, random training sessions, and drunken parties galore.
+ WARNINGS: Some bad language, lime, lemon, manlove and eventual Mpreg.
+ Disclaimer: I'm only going to say this once. I don't own any characters from Beyblade or anything else Beyblade-related. Which is a right Royal shame. Mrs. McFahrt, however, is mine. The amount of air freshener I have to use is ridiculous, though.
+ A/N: Howdy! Thought a change from a Kai/Tala story would be good. Well, sort of. This still has that lovely couple in it, but the focus is on Max, rather than them XD If you end up liking this, then I can recommend that you read the books by Louise Rennison. Her books are where I pretty much got the idea for this - except she doesn't write sex scenes XD Her first 'Georgia Nicolson' book is called 'Angus, Thongs, And Full-Frontal Snogging', a bloody good laugh, I really do recommend it.
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Confessions Of A Blader
Chapter 1: Do All English Women Have Facial Hair?
Tuesday 11th September, 2007
10.16 in the am
Is it normal to turn up to your new school on a bike dressed as a fairy? When you are male? No? Well, Tyson has. Yep, all the bladers have started at this new 'Beyblading Academy'. And I do mean ALL the bladers.
The Blitzkrieg Boyz did put up some resistance… But they've come along too. After Tyson spiked their drinks. With what, I don't know. Or want to know.
So, my new address is:
Max Tate,
Room 101,
Beyblading Academy,
The Midlands,
ENGLAND.
Why do we have to be in England? Because this school is in England, that's why. Why can't they have it in America? Or Japan? Nooooo, it has to be in England. Not that I don't love the English. I do. I love them a lot. Well, a bit, anyway.
10.33 in the am
Tyson just stumbled into my room with half his fairy costume on.
"Er, Tyson, where's the rest of your fairy costume?"
"This place has dogs!"
What?
A few minutes later
It turns out that this school has guard dogs, and they didn't like the look of Tyson's costume. So they ate half of it. It also turns out that I am sharing a room with Tyson. Help me.
I do love Tyson. In a non-gay way. But not enough to share a room with him. Been there, done that, and I have the scars to prove it.
6.00 in the pm
How sad is it, that we have to be down to the canteen at exactly 6pm to have tea, or you don't get any food at all? Very sad. And also very Hitler-like. I wonder if the Headmaster has a moustache…?
6.05 in the pm
The Headmaster turns out to be, in actual fact, a Headmistress. Yet, she still has a moustache.
That's not natural in a woman, is it?
6.30 in the pm
The food is quite good. We had a traditional English dish. 'Bangers and Mash'. Why are they called 'Bangers'? They're sausages! Not 'Bangers'! Do they go 'bang'?! No!
A minute later
They will be going bang is Tyson eats any more of them. In fact, it won't be the 'bangers' going bang. It'll be him.
I have just remembered that I have to share a room with fatty, here. I pray to God that this food doesn't give him gas.
A minute later
God apparently didn't hear me, because Tyson let out a huge fart. At the dinner table. I don't want my pudding now.
5 minutes later
Mrs Headmistress took us all into the 'Assembly Hall' and made us sit on chairs. Obviously. She's introducing all the teachers to us. To be honest, now that everyone is stuffed full of 'bangers', I don't think anyone actually gives a damn who's going to be teaching us.
Bloody Hell, there's a female teacher who has a moustache almost as bushy as Mrs Headmistress'! Do all English women have facial hair?
Also, what is Mrs Headmistress' name?
A minute later
Mrs. McFahrt.
No. I am not joking. That really is her name.
Back in room 101 (also known as my dorm)
9.01 in the pm
Grief, it turns out that we all have to be in bed by 9 o'clock sharp. Well, who's actually going to pay attention to that rule? Apart from Kenny?
Tyson has clearly had too much sugar. I blame the dessert.
Then again, I'm hardly calm myself. I think I've had too much sugar, too.
Bouncing on the beds
9.07 in the pm
Kai and Tala are in the room next to us, so all they're going to be hearing is me and Tyson jumping on the beds. As the headboards are thumping against the wall.
Ah, yes, there is the unmistakable sign of Kai's thumping on the other side of the wall. Heh, I'm just gonna jump more. Just to piss him off.
Oh God, there's someone banging on the door, now. I pray to God that it isn't any of the teachers. Then again, the last time I prayed to God, He didn't hear me. So I'm going to pray to Buddha instead. Oohhhhmmm.
Tyson opened the door. Phew, it was just a very angry and homicidal-looking Tala. I very nearly said homosexual. He's probably that, too. Frankly, nothing would surprise me about that dude.
"Will you PLEASE stop banging on the wall!"
Crikey, he looked so pissed off.
"We're not banging on the wall. We're jumping on the beds."
Nice comeback, Tyson.
"Well, stop jumping on your beds like idiots, and grow up!"
"Ooooh, or what? Are you going to set your big bad wolfie on us?"
I'll start planning your funeral, Tyson.
"Watch your mouth, Tyson. Just quit being so immature or I'll have to report you both."
"Ooooh to who? Head Fart?"
I couldn't control myself, I just burst out laughing. Head Fart! HAHAHAHA. Tala, however, was not at all amused, and just closed our door and left us rolling around on the floor laughing.
Wednesday 12th September 2007
Breakfast
Tyson seems kind of down. I poured a SHIZLOAD of sugar on his cereal, but even that hasn't cheered him up. What's wrong with him? Maybe he didn't get enough sleep? Actually, no, he did. It was me that didn't get enough sleep, because of all his bloody snoring.
"Tyson, you OK?"
"No."
Well, y'know, I was just asking, and an explanation would've been nice. I poked him with my spoon.
"What's wrong?"
"Hilary."
Oh God. On second thoughts, I don't want an explanation. I sooooo don't want to get involved in one of their lover's tiffs again.
"Oh… Erm…" Nicely put, Max. What a way to say you don't want anything to do with this.
"She's been real clingy recently, and on-edge, and yells at me for no apparent reason…"
There was no escaping this one, now. "Well, maybe she just has PMT?"
Tyson just looked at me as if I was mad. What? Why was he looking at me like that? Hilary can get PMT, right?
"So, she has PMT every day of the year?"
Ah, yeah. Good point. No is the answer to that one.
"Erm… Well… What are you… Y'know, going to do about her?" I really hope my disinterest is showing.
"I really like her, but not enough to stay with her. I'm gonna end it."
Apparently I wasn't showing enough disinterest.
"Erm, Tyson, you do remember what happened the last time you tried to finish it with her? You ended up with a split lip and a black eye."
Lunchtime
Mashed potatoes and bangers, again! Do the cooks not know how to cook anything different? It's probably the leftovers of last night's tea. Warmed up. Ewww.
Tyson just sat down next to me. His hat's all crumpled, he has a black eye and he winced slightly when he sat down, so I suspect he received a kick in the balls.
"Did you manage to dump her?"
"Yeah. Then she hit me with a cricket bat. Where she got it from, I don't know. But one of them to the family jewels fucking hurts."
"I can imagine".
Ray, Kenny and Kai just sat down with us. Surely Kai would rather be with the Blitzkrieg Boyz, and surely Ray would want to be with his beloved Mariah?
"You called, Tyson?" Ray said.
Ahh, should've known it was Tyson's fault they were sat with us. Not that I don't love them. I do. Y'know, in a man-friend way.
"I have something to tell you all, and I don't know how you'll react…" Tyson rambled on. Hurry up, man. It can't be that bad.
"You all know I dumped Hilary this morning, right?"
"We can see the evidence of that, Tyson," Kai said.
"Well… The reason I dumped her… Is because she's not my type." Tyson said. What? That's it?
"Don't worry, dude, I'm sure you'll find another girl you like," Ray said, giving Tyson a small smile.
"No, you don't understand… She's not my type… No girl will be my type… Because… I fancy men," Tyson hung his head.
Everyone was sat there, stunned. Well, Kai was hiding it, but we knew he was surprised, too. Tyson was gay?
I repeat, that's it?
"Tyson, it doesn't matter if you go for me," I said. "You're still our friend regar-"
"NO WAY! YOU CAN'T BE GAY!" Ray shouted.
Oh God, he's going to have a nervous spaz attack.
"YOU CAN'T FANCY MEN! IT'S JUST WRONG! AND HOW WILL YOU HAVE SEX?! YOU CAN'T TAKE IT UP THE ARSE, BECAUSE THAT'S AN OUT-TUBE, NOT AN IN-TUBE!"
"Er, Ray? You are aware you're shouting this to the whole canteen?" Kai said. Ray sat down.
Poor Tyson looked mortified. Thanks to Ray's completely random loud mouth, every single blader now knows that Tyson bats for the opposite team. Ahh, I see Hilary over the other side. She doesn't look happy. Then the worst happened, everyone started shouting about it.
"OH MY GOD! TYSON'S GAY!"
"DUDE! I ALWAYS KNEW HE WAS A LITTLE TOO CLOSE TO THE REST OF THE BLADEBREAERS!"
Dragged Tyson out of the canteen. Screw lunch.
1.30 in the pm
We have 15 minutes before a training session, and therefore have to face some other bladers. Tyson seems really depressed. I guess he never imagined this happening when he decided to come out of the closet.
"Tyson?"
No answer.
"Come on, Tyson. Cheer up."
Still no answer. I'm going to have to beat him up some more in a minute.
"Tyson, listen, it's not the end of the world. Sure, everyone will talk about it for a while, but then they'll get bored of talking about you. Just enjoy the attention. Be proud of your sexuality."
Tyson actually looked up, with a smile on his face.
"You're right. GAY FOR GLORY!"
Oh, God. What have I done?
Training
We had to run laps, and of course, there were other males bent over in front of us. Tyson had a nice view of Kai's arse. He was so checking Kai out! I just beg to… Buddha (ohhhmmmm) that Kai doesn't notice. Tyson would then have the other eye blacked for him.
Also, is it just me, or is Tala glaring at Tyson as Tyson is staring at Kai's nice, round, peachy bottom?
I did not just say that.
But Tala really is glaring at Tyson isn't he? If looks could kill… I guess it's a good think Tyson can't see, as he's got his face practically pressed against Kai's butt. Then again, it might be a bad thing, because Tala might attack him. Even when he's not looking.
8.05 in the pm
In our dorm. Tyson is lay on his bed, reading a book, strangely calm. After the madness that has been today, I ready for some well-deserved sleep.
Problem is, I fear I may never sleep again…
A minute later
ZZzzzzzzz….
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+ A/N: So, how what that for the first chapter?? Random? Mad?? Yep, that's what I was aiming for XD Remember to review!!
