Summary: Ren has a problem. And that problem consists of two of Leblanc's regulars.
Note: in honor of Honey I'm Home day~ *coughIKNOWI'MLATEcough*
Warnings: Thirst, Denial, Did I Mention Thirst? And Denial? There Will Be A Lot Of These Two, How To Embarrass Yourself In Front Of People 101.
Disclaimer: Don't own P5.
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After a couple of months working at Leblanc, Ren figured he got a hang of who the regulars were and what they usually ordered.
Until a handsome man in his middle twenties stepped into Leblanc and sat on one of the chairs at the counter (the chairs Ren saw no one sit on aside from himself at breakfast), giving his order (his 'usual') with absolute familiarity.
While Sojiro went to prepare the new customer's order, Ren tried not to stare.
The man had brown hair that reached his shoulders even with the small ponytail it was gathered into, with his bangs combed loosely to the right side of his face. The man reached a leather-glove clad hand to tame the stray strands that slipped out of his bangs and into his reddish-brown eyes before he braced his elbow on the counter and leaned his chin on the back of his hand.
(And no, Ren wasn't noticing details like the cut of the man's jaw, or his cheekbones, or his neck, or the collarbones peeking from underneath the unbuttoned collar of his shirt, or the man's broad shoulders, not at all.)
(And no, Ren wasn't absolutely thankful that the man didn't wear a tie that he could have probably loosened very casually, or that he didn't roll the sleeves of his shirt to his elbows. Absolutely not.)
Ren snapped out of his daze when he realized the man was staring back at him, and he fought down a blush, ducking his head in embarrassment at being caught staring, and resisting the urge to reach a hand to his bangs to fiddle with them.
"I see you hired a new help?" The man started, and Ren had to swallow thickly at his voice, honeyed and gentle, like he was lulling Ren into a false sense of security before he pounced at him and ruined him.
Sojiro grunted as he brought a plate of curry and a cup of coffee to put them down in front of the man, and Ren risked taking a peek to see the man smirking at him, causing him to lose the fight to keep a spectacular blush down.
The man's smirk widened, most definitely at Ren's flaming red face, and Ren's knees grew weak.
"Not exactly." Sojiro narrowed his eyes at the man, "And stop flirting with him!"
"Don't worry, I'm a taken man." The bane of Ren's existence winked (winked!) at him, and he swore he completely shut-down for a few moments.
"Doesn't stop you from being a horrible tease," Sojiro grumbled, and the man chuckled lightly (Ren almost swooned at the sound, and Ren did not swoon at anything! Okay maybe it was fine to swoon at the chuckle, it was a nice chuckle!) as he wrapped his hands around his cup of coffee and brought to his mouth, inhaling the aroma, causing his shoulders to relax, and then taking a sip.
The man sighed, pleased, "Perfect as always, Boss."
Sojiro smirked, "Just because you haven't been around for a while, doesn't mean I lost my touch."
The man chuckled again, eyes twinkling, "Ah, heaven forbid." His lips twitched in amusement, "I wouldn't dare assume such thing." He leaned forward to stage-whisper, "Are you going to be teaching your new, adorable worker your secret techniques? I'd love to taste test for him."
Sojiro snorted, "You just want free coffee, and to obliterate the kid with your critique. I'm not that cruel to inflict you upon him before he at least passes my standards. At least then I'd know he grew a thick enough skin to take your remarks."
The man leaned back, dramatically clutching his chest over his heart, "You wound me. I'm not that harsh."
"Less harsh, more brutally honest," Sojiro clarified, amused, "With emphasis on the brutal part."
The man eased out of his dramatic pose to return to his relaxed slouch as he took another sip.
The bell hung above the door rang as it was opened again, and yet another handsome man stepped into Leblanc.
Dark, messy hair partially slicked back on one side, sharp gray eyes, and a wicked grin. Handsome Man No.2 walked towards Handsome Man No.1, footsteps light and body movement fluid as he slid into the seat next to him.
(Today was the day Ren died. He just needed to ask their names so that he would know what to call his cause of death.)
Then Handsome Man No.2 leaned towards Handsome Man No.1 and kissed him on the cheek, and Handsome Man No.1 smirked, "You're late, honey."
And that was when Ren ceased functioning.
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Ren blearily opened his eyes as he sat up in bed, his head pounding.
"Are you okay?" Morgana hopped from the chair at the end of the mattress to curl up closer to Ren.
"You're awake." Ren blinked at Sojiro, whom he hadn't realized was standing next to the bed.
"You fainted," Sojiro said bluntly, looking equal parts amused and unimpressed, a dangerous combination, "You fainted and hit your head on the floor."
Ren gaped.
He did what?
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Ren would swear up and down that his interest in Akechi Goro was because Akechi was a detective, and he didn't approve of the Phantom Thieves, which made him a potential rival. Or enemy. Yes. Enemy. Keep your friends close but your enemies close and all that. There was no other reason whatsoever.
It definitely wasn't because Akechi had brown hair and reddish-brown eyes, nope, no sirree.
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Ren definitely didn't lure Akechi to Leblanc. He didn't. He just talked about the place he worked. And the food he ate. And the coffee he drank. He didn't tell Akechi to come to the café itself.
(Ren carefully ignored Morgana sighing in exasperation and dropping his face to his paw. What did Morgana know, anyway.)
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Akechi was good company, and Ren had plenty of fun playing chess with him, no matter how many times he lost, so in Ren's opinion, it all evened out.
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Just because none of Akechi's visits overlapped with the Handsome Pair's visits, didn't mean that it wouldn't eventually happened. Ren tried to be willfully ignorant of that, and succeeded.
Not that it would do him any favors.
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That was how Ren found himself standing awkwardly behind the counter while the Handsome Pair occupied one of the booths, trying his absolute best not to look in the other two's direction (Sojiro was out, so any semblance of a buffer Ren could have had between him and them was nonexistent), and consoling himself that the Pair wouldn't be here long, when the café's door opened with a chime, and in stepped none other than Akechi.
Dread shot down Ren's spine.
He just knew that with Akechi present at the same time as the Pair, things were never going to be the same.
Akechi's eyes, curious as ever, shot around the café and landed on the Pair sitting at the booth. Handsome Man No.2, who was seated facing the door, met his gaze.
Akechi blinked in confusion, looking clearly thrown off balance for some reason ('some'. Heh. Ren knew the exact reason).
Handsome Man No.2 blinked slowly back at Akechi, and his lips stretched into a teasing smirk.
Handsome Man No.1, clearly noticing his companion's interest shifting elsewhere, turned his body to look in the direction of the door, and catching sight of Akechi.
Handsome Man No.2 then turned his gaze towards Ren with a devious gleam in his eyes, "Is this your boyfriend?"
And for the second time, Ren ceased to function.
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Silence stretched in the café.
The two (hot) café patrons sitting in one of the booths stared at the counter, behind which Amamiya was standing.
Well.
Not anymore.
Goro swallowed thickly and speed-walked along the length of the counter and around it to check up on Amamiya who…
Had fainted.
Goro reached for him to pull him up and drag him towards the closest unoccupied booth to lay him down on the seat, all on auto-pilot as his brain raced to make sense of the situation.
Okay, so, going back a bit, the brown-haired man had said, or rather, had asked if-
"I'm not his boyfriend." Goro weakly protested as he checked Amamiya's head for any bumps, fingers carding through his curls, absolutely thankful that he wasn't wearing his gloves, which meant he got to test out whether or not Amamiya's hair was as soft as it looked.
It was.
Goro stared at the hair in fascination as his fingers combed through it, enjoying how Amamiya's curls felt on his skin.
The sound of someone clearing their throat brought him out of his hair-induced stupor and he snapped his head to the side, to see the Way-Too-Fucking-Attractive Customers stare at him with raised eyebrows, amused expressions, and satisfied smirks.
He blushed.
"Are you sure you're not his boyfriend?" The brown-eyed (demon- god- AHEM) man asked, smirk still present on his face.
"I'm sure." Goro nodded frantically.
The gray-eyed (devil- angel- err) man grinned wickedly at him, causing his heart to stutter in his chest, and turned to the other man, "He reminds me of you. Back when you used to deny we were boyfriends. How cute."
Goro inhaled sharply, and the man chuckled, a soft, velveteen sound that sneaked all over his skin and caused him to shudder.
If this was what Amamiya had to deal with, then he was justified in fainting. Goro knew he would.
(Actually, fainting sounded like a good idea. Like, right about now.)
With a groan, Amamiya stirred and blearily opened his eyes, and Goro found himself staring at his hazy gray eyes blinking up at him, throat dry.
This was how Akechi Goro was going to die.
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End
Basically older!shuake end up somehow travelling back in time. They use the opportunity to tease the hell out of their younger counterparts.
There would have been more teasing but apparently Ren can't hold it together long enough for that to happen.
