Chapter 1: I don't do Betas
Well damn. The ONE time I wish I'd played the Beta. Maybe then I'd have been able to play a badass full-dive MMO, without the slight downer of BEING STUCK IN A GAME THAT CAN ACTUALLY KILL YOU. This huge FAT hooded guy was just like "Hey guys! I just oozed from the ceiling! You're all going to die!". Obviously I didn't know what he said, because everything is in Japanese.
So here I was, playing a game my best friend, Archie, had recommended to me (he plays Betas) when Mr Oozy arrived and started speaking Japanese.
"Archie, what the hell is this guy saying?" I asked "He's saying we have to pay for membership isn't he?"
"Uh, no. Not exactly" Archie replied, he was shaking slightly
"What is it then?"
"He said, if you die in here, you die for real, and we can't leave until we beat the game" He said nervously
"Wow. Dick move. At least it's not Dark Souls…"
"We have to fight through tons of bosses, even the Beta testers didn't get that far"
"Yeah, but the Beta testers could be interrupted by family, we can't. We'll be done really quickly!"
"Don't you get it? We're stuck here for ages! This game gets really hard later on!"
"Bro, chill" I opened the menu, three options came up. I'm guessing they were Resume, Options… and that last one would probably be log out. I poked the options button and randomly started looking through them.
"Um, Adam, what are you doing?" Archie asked, still in shock. Meanwhile, I'd found what I was looking for.
"Aha, easy mode!" I yelled triumphantly
"You're kidding?"
"Nope, English subtitles is here too. Not for players though, that sucks... ooh, he looks cool!" I walked off towards some random Black haired guy.
"Kon'nichiwa" He said, waving at me
"Um, hi, you speak English?" I asked. The guy looked at me blankly "Archie, translate. Archie?" He was stood back where we were a second ago. I walked back to him and pulled him along.
"What're you doing?" he said, surprised
"Come on, we need to get better gear and stuff"
"No-one else has stuff, we can't trade with anyone!"
"We'll buy a plate then…" Archie stopped
"Um, how will that help?"
"It's a videogame" He continued to be confused "We'll just break the map" I walked around and found a plate on the floor
"Adam, you foolish mortal, you can't break this game, it's too high-tech. Even if you could find any way to… wow, you did it" I picked up a plate, rested it against a wall, and ran into it, going straight through the wall.
"Told you so!" I yelled, looting the house for weapons and food.
"Dude, you can't do that, the guys who made the game will stop you!" Archie said nervously. I kicked down the door and chucked him and axe
"Shut the hell up and find some XP exploits" I said, putting a quiver of arrows on my back
()
"Ok, so we've got the lower level cannon fodder down, what about the Bosses?" Archie asked
"They'll be fine, like Shadow of the colossus. All cute and cuddly" I replied
"You… never played that"
"Shut up. That's what YouTube is for"
"Eh, I prefer to play games all the way through"
"Hehe no you don't" I stabbed another boar and grabbed its loot. Gold, wow. Boars are loaded.
"Hey, do you know anyone else who bought this?"
"Not really, except for…" I looked up "Ah crap"
"What?"
"360 No scopes?" a curly haired guy was stood in front of us
"Oh dear god" Archie said
"Alex? You bought an MMO? It doesn't have guns in it" I commented
"It's a FPS game. It's JUST like Team Fortress 2, just not as good" Alex said proudly
"Wow, TF2 sounds great, do you GET PERMANENTLY STUCK IN THERE TOO?" I yelled
"Nah, it's Valve, they're too lazy for that" Archie interjected
"Ok, Al, just… don't die" I said, handing him a better sword
"I won't, I'm too MLG" He replied. I rolled my eyes intensely
A FEW WEEKS LATER, AFTER EVERYONE GOT OVER HOW COOL THIS GAME WAS, AND FINALLY DECIDED TO HOLD A MEETING OF THE BEST PLAYERS, WHICH WE WERENT INVITED TO
"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?" I asked nicely
"No" the guy said. He was the only guy who spoke English "Unless you give me a good reason"
"I play Final Fantasy X" I muttered desperately. The guards eyes went wide, he stepped aside.
"You may pass" he said
"WOO!" I walked past, the guard returned to his place behind me
"I watched SAO" Archie yelled, he walked in as well
"I play TF2!?" Alex said hopefully. Archie walked back to slap him. "Ow"
"You'll have to do better than that" The guard said
"Um… I played Skyrim?" he added weakly
"Bro, more Japanese!" I yelled
"Um… I watched RWBY?"
"Close enough" The guard moved aside
()
"Ok, you all know why you're here…" Diavel began
"Because we played popular JRPGs?" I muttered
"We're here to kill some bosses, since we haven't done anything yet, and crap tons of idiots have died. You have all shown great skill and stuff… oh forget it, LETS GO KILL A BOSS!"
"How do you propose we do that?"
"I have a plan!" A strange guy stepped into the arena, he seemed to be Swedish.
"Is that…?" Alex began
"PewDiePie. Typical" I commented
"I propose! We beat the crap out of him!" Pewds announced
"Are you aware lots of these people have no idea who you are?" Archie yelled
"YES! YES I AM! Now get into groups! Let's kick some ass!"
So, everything was going well.
