Harry is DEAD!
Harry opened his eyes. Oh no! What's this? He still couldn't see…Hmmm..perhaps I am dead? I remember Voldie-woldie tried to zap me… He felt around a bit…lid on top of him, wooden box around him…DAMN I'm dead. After lying there being depressed over being dead for a bit, Harry had a brainwave. OMG! I can't be dead if I'm thinking! I MUST BE ALIVE!!! OMG!! But…that means…I HAVE BEEN BURIED ALIVE!!! Shocked at the horror of it all, Harry collapsed.
"Ah, such a pity.." Ron said as he tipped Harry's body into a hole. "Perhaps if he'd just remembered he was hidden in a crate while we moved him past Malfoy Manor on the way away from Voldie-graveyard, we wouldn't be in this mess." Hermione burst into tears. "I can't believe the entire wizarding world is doomed because of Harry's lack of ability to remember when he's in a box," she sobbed. Ron shoved her into the hole after Harry's body, and walked off.
After a bit of work, Hermione managed to crawl out. She kicked the rest of the dirt into Harry's grave before she too, walked off.
Harry, after much thinking, came to the conclusion he was in a hole. No wood this time. Just dirt. Or perhaps…he was just in a box of dirt? He seemed to remember something about being hidden in a box to escape from Voldie-woldie…
After lying there for a few hours, Harry came to the conclusion that no one was on their way to let him out of the box. He also realised he could hear an animal of some type wandering around above him. He did briefly consider it was Ron and Hermione, but eventually realised they would hardly be stomping around pretending to be animals while he was stuck in a dirt-box.
After analysing his options, Harry decided he had better escape the dirt-box himself. But how to do it..? He decided the spell for escaping dirt-boxes might be of use, and used it. "Huzzah! Freedom!" he cheered. He proceeded to dance very noisily in circles cheering "Huzzah! Hooray! Ain't Harry smart?" and similar things for several hours.
Suddenly, he realised the animals he heard earlier sounded closer. He fell silent. He slowly turned and looked behind him, and there, standing in a ring of Death Eaters (a couple of them still crawling around making animal noises), was Voldemort. Harry waved. "Helloooo Voldie-Woldie! I guess this is a good time for our 3rd final showdown! 3rd time lucky, perhaps?" "You-ergh-Harry-ugh-AAAA, I thought I killed you already." Voldie burst into tears. "Um. Very scary Voldiepoo, you need to work on your evil aura a bit…" Harry rolled his eyes.
Voldie, astounded at this insult, grabbed his wand. "AVADA KEDAVRA!!!" He yelled, and dropped down dead.
"You'd think the idiot would learn…that's a DOUBLE-ENDED wand!!" were Harry's last thoughts as he fell to the ground, victim of a double-edged killing curse.
Harry was dead.
So was Lord Voldemort.
The wizarding world was freed from two evils at once.
NOW was the time for Remus to begin his own evil campaigns. He smiled demonically and bent over his placard, colouring in a letter E in the "Destroy the Eggplants!" slogan. Thinking of what was to come, he burst into fiendish laughter. "Soon, SOON, the eggplants of the world will be no more. Mwahahaha!"
