Far beneath the ship, the world is mourning.
They don't realize, he's alive.
No one understands, but Major Tom sees.
Now the light commands
this is my home, I'm coming home."
Earth below us,
drifting, falling.
Floating weightless
coming home

Major Tom – Shiny Toy Guns

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight.

I sat in my room, looking out the window. At first, I was just looking out the window. Then I realized what I was really trying to do. Memorize my backyard and everything in it. I was trying not to think about that night when it all fell apart because nothing could be done now. It was too late. And then my parents had to go and announce that we will be moving back to Beverly Hills, USA.

I didn't know what to say to them so I nodded and walked away. I mean, there was nothing to say except that I didn't want to move back but it was too late to say that now. That place, it knows too much. Too many of my secrets are hidden there and I have a feeling that they are no longer mine to share or keep. He would have made sure of that. We moved to London, England when I was ten and my brother, Emmett was twelve. Now I am seventeen and seven years have passed since I have even thought about home. My mother always says that life goes on but somehow I always found myself stuck in my childhood.

I heard a sudden knock at my door but I didn't reply. I heard the door open and out of the corner of my eye, I saw my mother enter my room. From her distressed expression, I could tell that she knew I wasn't ready just yet to move back.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Good, not great, could do better," I replied. I wasn't sure why we were having this conversation in the first place. It wasn't like if I told her I didn't want to move back she would listen to me. My parents had made their decision and I had to go along with it. What I didn't understand was why we were moving back? Why now, after all this time?

If I didn't stop thinking, I was going to go crazy and I certainly didn't want that.

"Mom, why are we moving back? I thought you knew how I felt and you always said that I should distance myself from him and now this? What am I supposed to do now?" I asked. Mom winced. She didn't need the reminder and neither did I. It was done and over with. There was nothing she or I could do about it. He hated me even and I could feel it even though I was more or less 3,000 miles away from him.

"Sweetheart, you knew we were going to move back someday. I think you are old enough to decide what's best for you. I just want you to be happy and after what happened here… you can't be happy. You are not happy. I think it's time we moved back. I just came here to tell you that your father and I have a dinner party to attend; we'll be late coming home. Don't stay up too late," Mom said. She kissed my forehead and left for yet another dinner party.

Did I mention that my family was filthy rich? Seriously, we lived in a house the size of Oxford University, no kidding. It was made mostly of glass, so anyone walking back would have been able to look in had we not had a security guard and a huge driveway leading up to the house. There were two big wrought iron gates at the front of the property, as well. We had a swimming pool and a basketball court and a soccer field and that was only limited to the backyard. My own room was gigantic, so was my closet and so was my bathroom, which was connected to my closet. My room was twice the size of my bathroom and closet put together so space was never an issue. I mean, I needed it what with the five bookshelves I have. I like to read, a lot.

The closet, I didn't care about. I wasn't a big fan of fashion or shopping and such. I didn't think I had updated my wardrobe in almost a year. Who cares about fashion? I had much bigger things to worry about. Even if it wasn't for the fact that I didn't want to see him, I still didn't want to move back. I did not like moving. I didn't like change. It was horrible and it required adjusting to a new environment, which I was bad at.

"Ugh," I groaned. I walked over to my table and sat down, pulling out my diary from the top drawer.

Dear Diary,

I know, I haven't written in a really long time but I had nothing to say before. But now I do. Tonight, my parents decided that we will be moving back home.

Yay!

Not!

I don't think it's the best idea and even if I did, I still didn't want to pack up all my stuff and move again. But the truth is I am scared of getting hurt again. How many times can a person lose their one true love before life becomes unbearable? I think once was quite enough. I don't want to live through it again. And I know that he hates me as much as I love him. He was my best friend. I say was because he no longer is and now that title belongs to someone else.

Every night, I am haunted by his emerald green eyes, looking at me with so much pain and sadness and betrayal. I betrayed him and he hates me for it. After all, I am the one who caused him pain. I don't understand. My parents know how I feel and yet they still want us to go back there. I couldn't live without him and now that I have learned how to do it, we have to go back. All I hope is that he can find it in his heart to forgive me.

With that last thought, I shut the diary and put it back in the drawer. What I wanted more than anything was to be free again. I felt weighed down my guilt and I didn't want it anymore. I guess a fresh start was needed. I don't know why, but lately I just went along with whatever everyone else said. I wasn't a follower, but I didn't feel like doing anything. I was a little messed up, is all. It was almost time for dinner, so I went looking for my brother. He had to be somewhere in this big house.

-:-

AN: This is the edited/re-written version. I personally think that it's so much better than the previous version because I have grown so much as a writer.