Ok I kinda rushed this one a little so it's not my best but it's just a bit of silly christmas fun - doesn't really mean anything. If I don't get it posted tonight it won't get posted before Christmas so hopefully you enjoy the silliness.

Christmas Eve

"Nick what the hell are you doing man?" Winston muffled through a mouthful of peanuts, some of which sprayed into the hair of the man in front earning him an ice cold stare, but Nick wasn't listening. He was too busy rummaging in the overhead locker trying to retrieve his bag which had been buried beneath a thick mass of winter coats other passengers had brought in preparation for the heavy Chicago snow. Giving his bag an energetic wiggle and one last sharp tug he yanked it from the locker and slung it over his shoulder. He picked up his jacket from the seat just in time for Winston to grab the sleeve of his shirt pulling him down to eye level.

"Dude she'll be fine, she'll get on the plane. She knows we've all left for the holidays, she wouldn't be that stupid."

"Well I can't take that chance Winston, I can't leave her on her own."

Winston sighed and tried to sound reasonable. "You won't get another flight out of here man it's Christmas eve!"

"Look it's fine, there are another two flights going out tonight, I'll get on one of them."

"Nick!"

Nick patted Winston on the shoulder and smiled, a smile that wasn't without a little concern. "Merry Christmas man, I'll see you in Chicago."

Winston sighed and dropped back in his seat. Realising the futility of the situation he smiled and rested his hand over Nick's for a second. "Merry Christmas Nick."

Eliciting confused and somewhat suspicious looks from the cabin crew Nick made his way to the door of the plane, happy to see that the steps were still there for a safe exit. Trudging down them noisily he held his hand up in apology to the ground staff whose job had been interrupted by some crazy person deciding to get off the plane five minutes before take off.

As he neared the terminal door the lights and chaos of the airport he had left behind came running back into view. Met with hoards of people and dozens of queues Nick started to question his decision so he pulled his phone from his pocket to remind himself why he had just got off the plane home. The further he immersed himself in the airport the worse his phone signale got. He battled his way slowly and painfully back through security, his Christmas spirit starting to wane as much as the airport staff's had. That was until he saw the exit shining like a beacon. A bar of his phone reception reappeared the closer he got to the door. Finally outside in the cool air he dialled Jess' number but was met with nothing but incessant beeping. Godammit, why the hell did she have to get off that plane, on Christmas Eve of all nights? Nick thought to himself as he tried to call her again and again to no avail. He began to pace back and forth as the once welcome chill of the air was now starting to bite at his skin. "Come on Jess pick up, pick up, pick up." He stared through the airport window, squinting his eyes to try and read the departure board. The minutes until the next Chicago flight were counting down rapidly.

Stuffing his phone back in his pocket with a sigh, he picked up his bag and began to walk back towards the entrance. But as some of the crowds dispersed he saw a small familiar form sitting on a suitcase which was propped snugly against the window. He smiled as his shoulders dropped in relief and he began to make his way over to her. He called her name but she didn't hear, he was about to call again when he saw her talking and realised she was on the phone. The closer he got the louder her voice became. It was weak but measured, uncertain but firm. Her shoulders were hunched over and her hair covered half of her face as she closed herself off from the world, immersed in her own conversation. He tried to hang back and give her some privacy but as the bright light of the terminal shone behind him he cast a shadow over her giving him away.

She mumbled something into the phone that he couldn't make out before she hung up and turned to him, sweeping the hair out of her face with gusto as though everything were fine. She looked up at him, her eyes big and wet and yet there were no tears falling. The hint of sadness in her face quickly turned to concern and she scrambled to her feet.

"Nick what are you doing here!"

"What are YOU doing here Jess? Why didn't you get on that plane?"

She shook her head. "I couldn't."

"Jess we talked about this. Ryan's family will love you, you have nothing to be nervous about, you have to get on that plane."

"No Nick...it's more than that."

Jess gave her phone once last glance and tucked it into her pocket as she shuffled back and forth from one foot to the other, suddenly uncomfortable under his scrutiny. She tugged at the neckline of her sweater to let some much needed air in as Nick waited patiently for her to explain.

"What is it Jess?" He tapped her arm lightly to refocus her attention.

"It's just it...I don't know, it was all moving too fast and he hasn't really been around much lately and..."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean...um...I think I just broke up with Ryan."

She shrugged in a manner more casual than Nick was used to after such a revelation. The out of character gesture confused him to the point he was convinced her hadn't heard her correctly, so he challenged her again.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I just told him that it was too overwhelming and that...something just didn't feel right I guess."

"Jess are you sure, I mean you're sure you're not just freaking out about going to London and meeting his family?"

"I thought that was it but then I realised..."

"Realised what?"

"I just didn't want to get on that plane. I didn't want to go."

Nick stared at her as she stared at the ground. Her eyes were glistening with tears that didn't fall, she didn't seem to want to let them. He figured it was because it was him she was pouring her heart out to and there was still an element of weirdness about that even after almost a year, but he couldn't help but feel there was more to it. She looked sad but resolved and her posture told him there was relief in her bones. Suddenly a noisy group of guys clearly venturing away on a ski vacation reminded them both where they were and they both jolted back into action and grabbed their bags from the ground. As their eyes darted round the sudden new influx of passengers the realisation of their irrational decisions suddenly hit them. Nick looked at his watch and his heart sank but he didn't want to add to Jess' problems.

"So, what are you gonna do Jess?"

Jess shrugged and stared through the windows at the growing crowds who she was certain were there to take all the seats on the last flights of the day. "I guess I'll see if I can get a flight to Portland, go see my parents. What about you? You've missed your flight Nick, you shouldn't have got off."

"Jess stop it's fine, I'll catch the next one, I still have my standby ticket." He waved it in her face with a smile even though he knew he was more than likely going to be spending Christmas in the loft on his own with a frozen turkey dinner for one at this rate.


"I'm sorry Mr Miller our last flight is at 23:45 and that flight is full."

Nick closed his eyes and his head dropped back in defeat. The queue alone had eaten into the last hour of his evening. He had stood powerless as he watched the hands go round and round on his watch, his mother keeping just as accurate time as she texted him every fifteen minutes asking where the hell he was.

"You gotta be kidding me, nobody has cancelled?"

"I'm sorry sir it's a very busy time, everybody wants to get home for Christmas, we don't tend to get many cancellations on Christmas Eve."

Nick looked at his watch again hoping to see a different result but it was official, he was screwed. "Thank you." He mumbled to the check-in lady as he shuffled away from the queue, nudging his bag along the floor angrily with his feet. Lifting his phone from his pocket, he ignored yet another call from his mom and raised his head to see Jess trudging toward him wearing a very similar weary expression.

"No luck?"

Jess dropped her bag to the floor with a thud. "No! All the cars are gone, every last darn tooting one of them." Jess looked at her watch. "It's almost eleven now. I don't see how I can get back in time, it's a fourteen hour drive to Portland. I can't believe I've been so stupid!"

Nick looked at Jess and let out an almost hysterical chuckle as he ran his fingers through his hair. "This is ridiculous, I feel like we're in a movie or something."

Jess laughed too and took a step back, sliding down the wall to land softly on her suitcase watching other people around her successfully passing through the security gates to head home for the holidays. Nick kicked his bag next to hers and slid down the wall to join her. They both took a few moments to appear as though they were trying to come up with another solution when they knew there wasn't one. They had wasted the whole day in the airport and one by one they had completely run out of options. Jess let out another hopeless chuckle and shook her head.

"Well this is not how I thought this day was gonna go, I should be somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean drinking a glass of wine round about now."

Nick dropped his head back against the wall and let it roll in Jess' direction. He nudged her lightly with his elbow. "Hey Jess I'm sorry about you and Ryan."

Jess smiled and nudged him back "Thanks Nick." Guilt suddenly gnawed at her insides that he was stuck there with her because of a decision that she knew she has wanted to make weeks ago. "I'm sorry you're stuck here, I feel totally responsible."

"It's not your fault Jess' I'm the one who decided to get off that plane."

"Well...this might sound completely unreasonable but...I'm glad that you did."

With an embarrassed smile Nick scrambled inelegantly to his feet and held his hand out to help Jess up from the floor. He looked around from some divine inspiration but it wasn't forthcoming. "So, what do we do now?"

Jess looked at him as his face continued to scan the airport. She realised it was the first time they had been alone together in weeks. Nick had been spending a lot of his time either at the bar or with Kai having fun and she had been with Ryan, apparently trying to figure out a way to get out of her relationship. She studied his face, he was sporting a little more facial hair these days and she was pretty sure he was wearing a new shirt, a festive green which she was certain wasn't intentional but still thought it was a nice touch. She rarely commented on his appearance any more, she didn't want him or anyone else to take it the wrong way but he was looking good, healthy. Maybe it was down to his new relationship. Her heart sunk a little at the thought but she pushed it to one side. Maybe this was just what they needed, some time alone together to test the water and see where they were, see whether that friendship they had worked tirelessly to get back on track was holding up. A little quality time couldn't hurt. Right?

"Hey Nick?"

"Yeah."

She paused as his eyes locked back on her. "Never mind." She shook her head and gathered her bag up from the floor.

"What Jess? Any suggestion is a good suggestion here, trust me."

"Well...maybe we could just go back to the loft. Spend Christmas there."

Nick waited for her to follow it up with laughter or a mocking smile but she didn't, she was dead serious. "You mean...just you and me?"

"Yeah, I mean you don't have to I just thought..."

"No!" He cut her short. "That might be kinda fun."

"Yeah, I think it will." She smiled warmly. "Besides, I don't think we have a choice."

Nick sighed and picked up his bag from the floor. "Ok, let's get the hell outta here."

"Let's."

Leaving the chaos behind them, Nick and Jess headed out into the night.


Nick stared out of the window of the cab at the merry faces that drifted in and out of bars and restaurants, spreading that infectious cheer that even he found hard to ignore at this time of year. It was the only time when that many people in America were all on the same page and just wanted to cut loose and have fun. Relaxing and drinking, yeah it was definitely his time of year. The buzz was contagious and Nick couldn't help but smile out of the window, but he knew a lot of that was to do with the peculiar, almost unbelievable situation he had suddenly found himself in. They were going to be spending Christmas together, just him and Jess, it was nuts. The year before he had prayed for such a thing rather than go home and spend almost a week babysitting Jamie, he had wanted nothing more than Christmas Day to be just the two of them, holed up in the loft, shutting the rest of the world out. But things were different now, very different. He had a girlfriend for one thing and Jess had a boyfriend up until a couple of hours ago.

He glanced across at Jess who was sunk low down in her seat, mumbling into the phone to her mother, desperately trying to reassure Joan that she would be ok and that she wasn't going to die from lack of festive cheer. There had been a somewhat pregnant pause as Joan had asked what Nick could only assume was who was Jess spending Christmas with. He watched Jess' face turn a shade of crimson he had only seen one or two times as she whispered his name into the phone. He hadn't heard Joan's response at all but from the look on Jess' face it had been something, let's say, suggestive. Enough to make Jess blush and turn her face further into the window as she ended her call.

Jess had the cab drop them at the small grocery store at the end of their block, insisting that even though their Christmas had taken a turn for the weird, they were going to do it right. They bobbed their heads under the half closed shutters much to the displeasure of the cashier who was obviously moments away from leaving to enjoy his holiday. But Jess persuaded him in the way that only she could. After they had found questionable substitutes for almost every kind of Christmas food going, a pitiful looking roast chicken and a dessert of snickers and vanilla ice cream, Nick watched Jess drop a few of his favourite treats into the cart and he couldn't help but smile at the fact she hadn't forgotten, it felt strangely reassuring.

Taken in by Jess' charms the checkout guy seemed to have found an opportunity for some upselling and was trying to palm off all kinds of christmas crap to Jess who, of course, was falling hook line and sinker for it, either that or she was just being polite. As they pooled their cash together and handed it over the persistent guy placed a cheap looking headband on Jess' head. Nick soon realised, somewhat uncomfortably, that there was mistletoe hanging from the top of it. Jess giggled and made a move to take it off but the guy behind the checkout, who Nick had now learned was called Bernie, had other ideas and began to try and 'schmoosh' Nick and Jess together.

Nick politely declined and Jess tried to rescue the moment by hopping up on to her toes and pecking the Bernie on the cheek. A kiss from Jess would be enough to appease any guy but apparently not THIS guy who seemed in intent on getting Nick in on the action. Jess giggled nervously and plucked the headband from her head but Mr Persistent picked it up and held it between them expectantly, shaking it to make them get a move on.

Nick smiled but he felt a warmth of embarrassment flooding up his back suddenly making him very hot. He looked at Jess who tried to shrug nonchalantly but he could see a red blush starting to creep up her neck towards her cheeks. Nick offered one more pleading glance to Bernie who was just smiling gleefully, full of festive cheer that Nick suddenly found to be the peskiest plight of the human race.

With a shaky breath he stepped towards Jess, accidentally standing on her foot and offering a flustered apology. He curled his fingers over her hip and pressed his lips on the soft space between her lips and her cheekbone lingering for just a moment. Jess felt an intense warmth on her cheek and a flip in her stomach as his bottom lip caught the side of her mouth leaving just a hint of moisture on her top lip. She felt her eyes start to close as her breath caught in her throat. It had a been a while since she felt that.

With a mini round of applause from good ol' Bernie, Nick backed away quickly with extra wide steps and began to gather up the bags of food, refusing to look at Jess who had now turned an interesting shade of puse. As Bernie wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, Jess gulped and bolted out of the door behind Nick who didn't look at her the whole way back to the loft.


Jess wiggled her key in the lock and held the door open as Nick carried their bags inside. She had a strange feeling of being somewhere she wasn't supposed to be. The loft was dark and eerily quiet, like it has fallen asleep for the winter until they all returned home. She jolted it prematurely back to life as she turned on a couple of lamps and the lights on the christmas tree giving the room a soft, festive glow. The sound of the wheels of her suitcase against the hard floor broke the silence and Jess turned toward her bedroom to find Nick leaving it helpfully in her doorway. Pulling it over the threshold and tucking it behind the door she smiled at him.

"Thanks."

Nick nodded bashfully and smiled back. "This is weird." He laughed nervously.

"I know it feels like we're breaking the rules or something."

Nick pressed his fingers into the back of his neck and rubbed hard, a sudden tick in the wake of some unexpected nervousness.

"So uh, I guess I'll leave you alone you probably wanna, you know, think about stuff, or call Ryan or something right? I'm gonna go dump all that food in the kitchen" Nick turned on his heels but she tugged at the sleeve of his shirt to stop him.

"No!...Um I don't really want to be alone just yet. Why don't we watch a movie or something."

Nick nodded. "Dirty Dancing right?"

"No, I was thinking Scrooged or Home Alone or something silly."

Nick was surprised by her candor, he had waited for the tears, the inevitable breakdown but it didn't come. It's wasn't for his benefit, he knew that much. Jess wore her heart on her sleeve and if that heart was broken it was easy to tell. He had seen it before but this time something was just ...off. He was aware he wasn't exactly the person she would divulge all the secrets of her heart to, not any more, but the lack of any real reaction to her breakup was confounding him. Maybe there would be a trigger, maybe at some point in the evening he was destined to say something insensitive that would open the floodgates, but for now she seemed, well, she seemed just fine. Nick shook his head realising he had been lost in thought for a few moments.

"Uh ok yeah sure, why not? I'm gonna get a beer, you want one?"

"Sure. I'm just gonna put my pyjamas on and I'll be right out."

Nick gathered up the grocery bags, one on each straining finger and headed for the kitchen. He stacked it all neatly in the fridge where it would sit until tomorrow afternoon when he and Jess would enjoy something that might resemble christmas dinner together, just the two of them. Yep, that was the bit Nick was struggling to get his head around, just the two of them. A wave of guilt suddenly passed over him as he realised he hadn't called Kai, he hadn't even considered calling Kai at any point in the evening. He knew that was bad but his emotions were too turned around to analyse it all. He was in L.A. Kai was in L.A. It was Christmas. Why wasn't he with her? Why didn't he want to be with her?

Nick found himself unwilling to answer those questions and instead he pulled two ice cold beers from the fridge and cracked them open with a satisfying fizz of air. Settling on to the sofa he flicked on the TV finding channel after channel of christmas movies and specials, some of which it was tradition to watch with his mom and his heart sank momentarily at the thought of not seeing her at all during the holidays. But his sadness was shortlived as Jess shuffled out of her bedroom in thick, blue flannel pyjamas with snowmen on them, her glasses on and her hair tied back in a messy bun. She looked so cute he could have eaten her but he kept that little fact to himself. He was used to doing that now. Flopping down next to him she yanked a blanket from the back of the sofa and pulled it over their knees. Nick sipped his beer and continued to stare hard at the TV screen trying to ignore the fact that his thigh was now pressed tight up against Jess'. They didn't just sit here like this anymore, they didn't freely let their limbs touch one another willy nilly, that had changed a year ago and Nick had started to get used to the fact that a once super tactile Jess just didn't touch him anymore. Until tonight.

As they watched the festive escapades of an eight year old boy and two haphazard burglars Nick had felt her shoulders judder a few times in laughter, even though she had seen the movie a thousand times. But as he stole a glance her face had grown more sullen as the evening went on. He had been so wrapped up in the subtle developments of their friendship and the craziness that they were spending christmas alone together that he had almost forgotten the reason she was there in the first place. Nudging her arm gently he caught her attention.

"Look Jess I know I'm probably not the person you most want to talk to about all of this but if you need to yell or cry or punch something I can take it. Just let rip."

"You know what's funny Nick?"

"IS there something funny?"

"I don't feel like I want to cry. Is that really bad? Does that mean that my heart has finally shrivelled up and died?"

Nick laughed and threw his arm affectionately around her shoulders. "Of course not, Jess you have the biggest heart of anyone I know. When it comes to this stuff ...you can't force it Jess. Either it's there or it's not."

"I thought it was what I wanted."

"Honestly...I thought it was what you wanted too. I mean he seemed to be everything you were looking for."

Jess shook her head ever so slightly. "Something was just...missing. We kept passing all these relationship milestones and my head was telling me 'this is great, this is what you should be doing at your age' but..."

"But what?"

"I don't know if my heart was ever truly in it."

"Maybe you just got cold feet."

"No, it didn't feel right." Jess turned to Nick and caught his eyes directly for the first time all evening. "I know what right feels like."

She held his gaze, she held it like she was waiting for him to say something but he didn't, he couldn't, because he was certain he was misreading her, he had to be. Nick felt a burning lump start to form in his throat which he swallowed down hard, hoping to swallow his embarrassment with it. Something shifted for just a moment and he had no idea why, but as soon as it was there, it was gone. She wriggled in her seat, squirming away from him a little so their legs were still close but no longer touching. She trailed the tip of her index finger around the rim of her beer bottle and stared at it intently as he continued to stare intently at her.

She coughed to break the silence. "So how is Kai?"

Nick shook his head and jerked himself back into the room. "Uh she's good, yeah...she sure is interesting."

"Things are going good between you guys?"

"Um...I think so."

Nick's voice was flat and it didn't go unnoticed by Jess. "You don't seem so sure."

"No I mean she's great and I really care about her..."

"But..."

"I'm uh...I'm pretty sure she's seeing other people." Nick half laughed trying to sound casual but he didn't fool Jess.

"How do you know?"

Nick shrugged. "Just a feeling, other guys are always calling her phone, she's says she busy a lot when I ask to see her, just stuff like that."

"Stuff like that? It's a big deal Nick. You deserve so much better than that."

"Whatever...maybe."

"You do Nick."

"I don't know, I guess it just wasn't what I was expecting."

"Tell me about it." Jess blew her bangs up in an exasperated sigh.

"Maybe these relationships were never gonna be simple for us... big shoes to fill an all that."

"Definitely." Jess nodded as her face lingered close to his.

Nick sat forward in his seat and slapped his hands on his thighs with vigor, breaking the moment. "I think we need another drink."

"I've head three." Jess giggled. "My legs are going all warm and jiggly."

"Come on it's Christmas." Nick made her laugh more with silly voices. "Let's get crazy."

Two hours later as the wee small hours of the morning crept in, their sobriety slowly crept away. There was no stumbling, no word slurring or questionable dance moves, but it had been just enough beer, followed by a couple of whiskey chasers, to have Nick leaning again the stall in the bathroom leaving a semi-drunken message on Kai's phone. She hadn't picked up, naturally.

He had no idea what had made him do it, he was drunk but not that drunk. Sad to be missing his family at christmas but not that sad. There was a trigger, there was some weird trigger that had made Nick tell Kai he was suddenly questioning their relationship. He stood stunned for a few moments as he hung up the phone. He hadn't quite broken up with her, or maybe he had in a roundabout way. He massaged the middle of his forehead pushing the tips of his fingers deep into his skin. Tran was going to kill him, silently but violently kill him.

With a heavy gulp and a sobering slap on both cheeks Nick headed back to the living room but it appeared their quaint little Christmas Eve was over as Jess laid flat out on the sofa fast asleep, her hair mussed up and her glasses slightly crooked. Nick wandered toward her and smiled, his heart melted a little when he saw she had hung two stockings from the TV stand, she must have dropped them in the basket at the grocery store when he wasn't looking. Making his way to the couch he bent down and gingerly wiggled his fingers underneath Jess' sleep laden body and began to lift her, hearing her whimper something indecipherable. It wasn't an objection, he knew that much as her hands curled around his neck and her head dropped against his shoulder like it had done so many times before.

It had been a long day, for both of them, the fatigue was always more powerful after an emotional event and they'd had several of them that day. He lightly toed the bottom of her bedroom door trying not to kick it too hard and moved into the dark room, the light from outside helpfully illuminating her bed. Although he already knew from experience it was exactly four steps from the door to reach the nearest side of her bed, seven to reach the furthest one. Jess used to have a habit of sleeping diagonally sometimes so he was never a hundred percent sure which side was vacant for him to take.

Laying her down on the bed and pulling the covers up over her body he had the overwhelming urge to kiss her forehead but he refrained. It wasn't his place. Instead he settled for sweeping a lock of hair away from her tired eyes. He was about to make a move but she sleepily grabbed his hand and without thought pressed her lips against the back of it without even opening her eyes.

"Merry Christmas Nick."

"Merry Christmas Jess."

Jess released his hand and he smiled in the darkness and began to make his way toward the door but her quiet voice stopped him once again.

"I'm glad I'm here with you Nick, I wouldn't want to be home alone with anyone else."

"Me either... Goodnight Jess."


Christmas Day

Nick's nose awoke before the rest of him did as the smell of something completely wonderful made its way under his bedroom door and delightfully up his nose. He stirred willingly, stretching out his limbs and cracking a few of his bones along the way. He loved that feeling on Christmas morning, that feeling when you knew it wasn't going to be a normal day. It was day where anything went, simply because it was Christmas. Throwing his legs over the side of the bed he shuffled his feet into the new slippers Schmidt had got him and insisted he open before he left for New York so Schmidt could see his smiling face. Nick had to admit, they were petty damn fancy slippers, sheepskin lining and everything.

He smiled widely as he heard Jess' low voice humming christmas songs in the kitchen, each line punctuated with a clattering saucepan or the sizzle of whatever treats she was cooking up in the frying pan. For some odd reason he stopped to take a look in one of the wall mirrors Schmidt had left behind and straightened out his hair, grimacing at himself afterwards before he stepped into the hall. The kitchen was alive with sounds and smells as he headed towards it, brightened up even further by the sight of Jess in a short red skirt and a green christmas jumper with Santa's face emblazoned across the front. He had always imagined the spectacle that was a Christmas-ified Jess, but to see it in the flesh was almost like seeing Santa himself, truly magical.

She was the picture of Christmas and, incidentally, far from the picture of someone who had broken up with their boyfriend the night before. Kai crossed Nick's mind yet again, and yet again he lacked the compulsion to do anything about it. Once he had squelched down the niggle of guilt he reasoned that she hadn't called him either, she was probably too busy watching another of her male companions open the brand new watch he had found in her closet and foolishly thought might be for him. The ten dollar wash bag he received suggested otherwise. Nick shook his head and made the conscious decision to ignore everything that had the potential to make him feel crappy, especially today. He stepped behind Jess, who had failed to hear him over her singing and the sound of sizzling bacon, and pinched her affectionately on the shoulders making her spin round swiftly with a big smile cutting across her face. Unexpectedly she threw her arms around him, jumping up on to her tip toes to give him a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey." He laughed.

"Hey, Merry Christmas Nick!" She squealed excitedly.

"Merry Christmas. You look great" He giggled with wide, happy eyes.

As she peeled her arms from around his neck Nick gazed gleefully at the pancakes and bacon, drenched in maple syrup and rubbed his hands together as his mouth filled with saliva. "Oh my god Jess this looks amazing." Swiping his finger across a smear of maple syrup he closed his eyes and licked his finger. God he loved Christmas. That was until Jess smacked him lightly on the back of the hand.

"No, not yet. Go get washed up and I'll make some coffee." Jess turned around to face him and leaned back again the counter, biting back a suspicious smile.

"What is that face all about?" Nick frowned.

"I picked out a little something for you to wear."

Nick raised his eyebrows flirtatiously but she rolled her eyes and sauntered over to the Christmas tree. Underneath sat three beautifully wrapped gifts. She picked one of them up and skipped over to him. "This one you can have now, the other one you can open later."

Nick smiled gratefully and accepted the gift. "Thanks Jess." He began to tear at the paper growing more suspicious of Jess' mischievous smile. Soon it all became clear as he held a bright blue, wooly jumper in front of him, Rudolph's face staring proudly from the front. Nick rolled his eyes and shook his head but he couldn't help but laugh. Only Jess would get him something like that. The sound of her laughter and look of utter glee on her face broke him and he dropped the paper to the floor and threw the sweater over his head. Looking down he blinked his eyes a few times to adjust to the bold colours.

"It's uh...it sure is colourful. Thank you Jessica."

"Wait!" She took a step towards him. "It gets better." She pressed the red nose and sent his sweater into a chorus of Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer." It created a symphony along with Jess' laughter and it warmed his heart, in spite of how stupid he looked.


Nick emerged from the bathroom ten minutes later, clean and shaven with just a hint of aftershave because, you know, it was Christmas. Taking a seat next to Jess at the table, she pushed a plate of food under his nose and cup of steaming coffee which she had flavoured with a hint of hazelnut and it was an assault to his senses making him want to hug her. Thanking her profusely, he loaded his mouth with more food than was normal for the average person, he cheeks strained as he chewed with a greedy smile on his face.

There was a faint melody of christmas music in the background as they chatted over their food, not about Ryan as he had expected, other stuff, fun stuff. They even dared to reminisce a little which was something they hadn't really allowed themselves to do since they'd broken up. Talking about when they were together, when they were happy, it always hurt. But not today, there was a warmth and a fondness to it. They had needed this, time alone together. Up until that point they had convinced themselves it was fraught with risk but all they had done was miss out on that special thing that even they couldn't define.

After breakfast Nick decided to fish around in his bedroom for a gag gift Dirk had bought him years ago, it was some silly DVD that made the TV look like a burning fire, the closest thing a Californian in a loft apartment would get to it anyway. Once he got the TV working, much to Jess' delight, they allowed themselves the first Champagne of the day and decided to exchange their gifts, their real gifts. Handing them over at the same time they unwrapped them like kids. Nick poured of the Jim Croce vinyl she'd bought him to play on the record player he'd treated himself to after he and Schmidt made their first profits from the bar. While Jess almost shed a tear as she opened a small box to find a beautiful silver bracelet alongside a more cheap and retro looking friendship bracelet. Nick had bought it after she told him she had never received one as a kid. Her friends had been limited and Cece hadn't been all that creative. Suitably admiring the silver trinket it was the friendship bracelet she elected for and without much thought she laid her hand on Nick's leg, palm up, for him to fasten it for her.

"Nick I just love it." She gushed.

"It's just a silly little thing Jess."

"No I love it, I love that you remembered me telling you that."

"Yeah, well...I listen to you Jess."

Her smiling eyes locked on him as he frowned in his task, his thick fingers pulling at the tiny strings, the tips of them dancing over the soft skin of Jess' wrist causing an inexplicable rush to shoot through her. But it was swiftly followed by guilt. What the hell was she doing? Twenty four hours ago she'd had boyfriend and now here she was letting herself get swept away by Nick's fingertips, she was the worst. As Nick finally tied the small string with a triumphant cheer she pulled her hand away quickly and shuffled further down the couch, grabbing for the champagne bottle to top them up, just for something else to do, something else to look at. Nick grimaced with a chuckling snort and sat back on the sofa where she joined him.

"What would you be doing right now Jess, if you were back in Portland I mean?"

"Oh uh...probably playing a game or watching a movie or something. What about you?"

"You mean if I'm not trying to convince Jamie that Santa isn't real?"

"Yeah" She giggled.

"Probably helping with dinner. It was kinda my job and my mom used to make me wear a little apron until a couple of years ago."

Jess' eyes widened with laughter. "That's so adorable I have to see that, you are so helping with dinner later, I have an apron you can borrow."

"You got it, I kinda like it."

"Are you sure your Mom was ok with you not making it home, I bet she just hates me right now."

"No uh...actually she was kind of glad to hear I was with you."

"She was?"

"Yeah I mean, uh...she was just happy I wasn't alone, you know."

"Well...I'm happy I'm not alone too."

Their eyes twinkled just a little as they stared at one another, wondering how such a strange and unexpected situation could feel so natural.

"Well it's gotta be time for some candy now right?" Nick wagered.

"Hell yeah. How about 'It's a Wonderful Life' and chocolate popcorn?"

"You got it sister!"

For the next couple of hours Nick spent his time passing Jess tissues as she burst into tears at random parts of the movie, bits he was sure nobody else ever cried at. By the time the credits were rolling, Jess was tucked warmly up by his side once again. He tried to tell himself that she was vulnerable, she had just broken up with her boyfriend, her Christmas had been turned upside down, that would make anybody cling to something close to them. But he knew in his heart something had changed in their relationship in the last twenty four hours. They had rediscovered a closeness he feared they would never feel again.

Jess was keen to pull him front and centre when she Facetimed her family and Nick did the same, once Bonnie had finally got the hang of how to work it of course. Jess had been terrified she was going to get virtually screamed at by Bonnie for effectively ruining the Miller christmas, but instead all she got was smiles and a wink she tried not to reach too much into.

They drank champagne, they talked about their failed romances, they talked about Nick's father, they talked about Jess' sister. They covered every base, nothing was off limits between the two of them, it never had been. They could talk to each other like they couldn't with anybody else. Without the other loftmates, without the distraction of work, without any distraction at all they were free to just be together and enjoy each other's company in that pure, unadulterated way. Like when they used to wake up together on a Sunday morning and just lay there for two hours talking, or when Jess used to stay at the bar after hours and they would put the world to rights.

Jess was usually happy to take command of the kitchen, in fact she usually preferred it that way, but today she was more than keen to let Nick help, in fact she was more than happy to make it an equal partnership. He stuck to his word and happily donned the little apron she gave him, the two of them looked like a little old couple pottering around in the kitchen. Jess was measured and concise while Nick naturally goofed around making Jess laugh more than she had laughed in months. Jess looked at this wonderful, crazy guy next to her and she felt a lump start to form in her throat. Thoughts of everything she had given up started to flood into her mind. Nick made her feel safe and happy, and those weren't just words that rolled off the tongue, they weren't words to be underestimated. Surely feeling safe and happy was what life was all about. The lump started to burn and she could feel her eyes glazing over, she felt foolish as she listened to Nick continuing to mess around next to her, oblivious to what was going on in her head.

Nick couldn't help but be silly sometimes, he couldn't resist being the one who made her smile like that, made her laugh right from the pit of her stomach. It was addictive. Being alone with her again was making him giddy but as his laughter died down he heard a sniff next to him. Looking to his right he saw Jess quickly swipe a finger underneath her eyes. He turned to her in a second, reaching for her but not quite touching.

"Hey what's the matter?"

"Nothing I'm just be stupid."

Nick set down his potato peeler with a disappointed sigh and wiped his hands on the dish cloth. "Look Jess I know how hard this is for you, if you wanna talk about Ryan or call him you..."

"No it's not that!" She interrupted.

"Then what?"

"I'd just...I'd forgotten what this feels like. Spending time with you."

"Hey..." Nick spoke softly as he reached for her hand pulling her closer. "Come here."

"Nick really I'm ok."

"Come here."

Nick pulled a little more firmly at her arm and this time there was no resistance as she stepped toward him and let him envelop her in an embrace, her arms linking tightly around his waist as she laid her head against his shoulder. Nick let his hand rest against the soft hair on the back of her head, missing a time when he was able to do it and never have to stop. He was stunned that it seemed she was missing it too. Sometimes Nick still found it hard to believe that she had ever fallen in love with him, but to consider that he was still someone she thought about, someone she missed being with was hard for him to accept. Surely she should have been crying over Ryan, but she was crying over him. Nick's mind started to spiral into overdrive and it became overwhelming, kissing her forehead lightly he squeezed her shoulders and gently pushed her away from him, wiping underneath her eyes with the back of his knuckle.

"I'm still here for you Jess, you know that."

"I know, it's just things are so different now and I miss what we had...before."

Nick paused. "You mean..."

Jess shook her head and turned back to prepping the food. "I don't know what I mean, just forget it Nick, I'm just getting emotional, I just...I do this sometimes."

"Jess I was just trying to cheer you up, I didn't mean to upset you."

"No you haven't at all." Jess wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. "See, I'm fine, just one too many champagnes. Really, I'm fine. I'm having a really nice day with you and I don't want to spoil it so let's just get cooking and enjoy all this delicious food ok?"

Nick nodded. "Ok. Let's do it."

Jess' spirits slowly started to lift as the aroma of cooking food filled the kitchen, the smells reminding her of home. Nick worked hard to get a smile back on her face and was pleased when he did, but that didn't stop him from reaching for her hand across the dinner table once they sat down to eat. He knew it was forward, he knew it was crossing a line but when her thumb linked over his and she let his hand rest there for a couple of minutes he knew she needed it as much as he did. They guzzled the food down, congratulating themselves plentifully along the way and washing each mouthful down with deliciously festive cocktails that Nick had whipped up in the kitchen, the one time he allowed himself to bring work home, anything that made her make the yummy noise she was right now.

"Oh my god Nick, this is like christmas in a glass, it's amazing, how have I never had this before?"

"It's a new thing I've been working on at the bar but didn't quite nail in time for this season."

"Well I think you've nailed it, consider me nailed." Jess' gaze locked with Nick wide eyes and she burst out laughing into her glass, sputtering the dark red drink everywhere. "I didn't mean it like that!"

"Sure you didn't, you little hussy you."

Their faces softened as they looked at one another. Oh my god were they flirting? A flustered Jess grabbed for a cracker just for something to break the tension and thrust it into Nick's hands to get him to stop looking at her the way he was. Nick laughed and shook his head, accepting her challenge.

"I am the king at cracker-pulling Day, you should know that. Whatever little toy is in here is mine... Man I really hope it's toy car." Nick spoke with a sincerity that made Jess burst into a fit of giggles.

"Fine, but if I win, you gotta wear the little paper hat."

"Fine."

"For the rest of the night."

"Deal."

"Ready...one...two..." Jess gave the cracker a sharp tug, triumphant as the bigger half stayed in her hand, it's contents conveniently falling in her lap. She cheered herself as Nick frowned, inspecting inside his empty half of the cracker.

"What the hell, you cheated Jessica".

"How do you cheat at crackers." She laughed as she unfolded the pink, paper christmas hat in her hands.

"I don't know but you did."

Jess lunged forward to place the paper hat on his head but he ducked out the way with a playful chuckle as she stumbled toward him almost falling out of her chair. She tried again but he jumped out of his seat.

"Come on Nick." She laughed as she leapt out of her seat.

"No it's bright pink, at least let me wear a blue one...or green."

"No, a deal's a deal, I think you'll look cute." She lunged for him again.

"No."

"Come on." She jumped up on to her tiptoes and tried one more time, pinning him against the table but he stopped her, grabbing her wrists.

As he held her he felt her wrists go limp as the paper hat drifted lightly from her hand to the floor. It was then he realised her whole body was pushed up against his, her hands poised on either side of his face where he held them gently. He could feel her chest start to heave under his but she didn't move, neither did he. Their smiles faded as a look of intensity and uncertainty passed between them but more than that they could feel a pull between them, a very strong pull that neither of them was trying to fight. He could feel her breath on his lips and he could tell by the way she was staring at his that she could feel it too. Nick's mind was desperately clawing away at his options but he could feel the blood rushing away from his head and running elsewhere. Suddenly the options were reduced to one as Jess leaned up and pressed her lips firmly against his.

She pulled away searching his eyes for a reaction. When she saw nothing that told her to stop she rotated her wrists in his grip and pulled them away, leaving his hands free to curl around her waist, pulling her back to him for a more intense kiss than the first. As her heart thudded wildly in her chest she wrapped her arms around his neck and she felt herself being spun round, his lips never leaving hers. His firm, manly grip which had so often reduced her to a puddle smoothed down her sides and over her ass until suddenly she was being lifted on to the table and set down with a small bounce. Dragging his hands down her thighs his kiss grew more hungry and his breathing more heavy but he hadn't lost all leave of his senses, not yet. Grabbing his face in her hands he pulled back, catching his breath, as was she.

"Are you sure you wanna do this?"

She nodded and tried to recapture his mouth again but he pulled back again.

"I'm serious Jess." He whispered.

"So am I."

He searched her eyes, he knew Jess, he knew when she was uncertain or in doubt, he tried to find it in her eyes but he saw nothing, nothing but desire for him. He gave a her a few more seconds to back out but she threaded her fingers into his hair and tightened them bringing his face back down to hers. Nick pushed his hands back up her thighs, this time allowing them to travel underneath her skirt, his fingertips dancing along the edge of her underwear. As their hold on one another intensified Jess gripped the hem of Nick's sweater and worked it up over his head setting of it's musical tones in the process and setting them both off into a fit of laughter.

Throwing it to the floor Jess languidly ran her fingers down the front of his chest, pausing for a moment to feel his heart banging just as hard as hers. She knew every inch of his body and she remembered it well, she knew how he would respond to every touch she made. As her nails scraped ever so lightly down his ribs she felt him shiver and she smiled as she kissed him harder. As his hand spanned the width of her lower back he pushed her sweater up over her head and her willingly up-stretched arms and dropped it beside his. Lowering her arms, Jess pressed her hands flat on the table as she lifted her hips, letting him pull her skirt and tights down her legs, and her underwear which suddenly made it all very real. He reached behind to unclasp her bra and she took the opportunity to unzip his pants, shuffling them over his hips and working them down his thighs. She giggled as he did that weird dance guys did to get their pants down their legs without using their hands.

Then there they were.

Naked.

About to have sex.

The paused just millimeters apart, her thighs grabbing his hips as tightly as his hands were clasped around her waist. They had no idea how they had suddenly found themselves back here but it seemed they were too far gone to stop it, and they didn't want to stop it but going forward meant so much more than just one night of fun and they knew that. Staring into her eyes Nick tenderly stroked his thumb over her cheek as her held her face. It could never be one night. Without losing his gaze he pushed into her slowly and watched in awe as her eyes flickered close. As they moved together the memories came flooding back, not just what it was like to make love, all of it, every second of it from the moment they had kissed.

There was no other way to explain it.

They just fit.

Not wanting it all to end to soon Nick stopped and picked her up, carrying her to the couch, never losing their connection. Laying her down he covered her with that hard, comforting strength that she had missed so much. He had always seemed more interested in her when they were making love and that hadn't changed. He moved in a way he knew would make her whimper, he kissed the parts of her that would make her whole body spasm with pleasure, he gave her that feeling that made her never want to be with anybody else again in her whole life.

Hooking her legs over his body she pulled him as close as she could and he never stopped moving within her. She wanted to be closer to him, closer than close and make up for all that time they'd lost.

Nick felt her thighs tighten as his pace quickened, her eyes were shut tight and her mouth open as she gasped. He had never seen her look more perfect. Her back arched up and her body went rigid as her mouth searched desperately for his. As he moaned against her lips he felt himself let go completely.

They lay still for minutes on end, still holding one another as they steadied their breathing. As Nick felt Jess' hand begin to move tenderly against his back he raised himself up on his elbows to face her, stroking her hair away from her face. He held his breath for what felt like minutes as he waited for a reaction from her. His smile was almost electric as he felt her giggle underneath him.

"Well...that happened." Nick beamed.

"Yep."

"Your lips taste like eggnog." Nick mumbled against her cheek and Jess giggled and licked her lips self-consciously

"So...do we need to talk about this Jess?"

Jess thought for a few moments before shaking her head. "No, not tonight. I just want to enjoy being with you right now."

"Ok." He kissed her again. "Well then do you...want more eggnog?"

Jess nodded excitedly and they both began to sit up. Jess pulled the blanket from the back of the couch and draped it around her chest. Nick was about to stand but instead he sat back resting his hand on her knee.

"Jess I just want you to know I didn't secretly plan this or anything I mean..."

She leaned forward letting the blanket drop as she grabbed his face and kissed him softly. "I know that silly. I wanted this just as much as you did and I know this is a big deal and I know we have stuff to talk about but let's just not think about it right now."

"You got it." He kissed her nose and went to fetch them another drink.

Jess turned and watched him walk away, biting her knuckle and stifling a smile as she saw his little jiggling butt disappear into the kitchen. Pulling the blanket back up around herself she could feel the sedation starting to leave her body and her consciousness starting to creep back it. She had just slept with her ex-boyfriend, someone who for the longest time she had considered the love of her life, and all of this twenty four hours after breaking up with Ryan. It all felt so un-Jess, something she would never do, and yet being with Nick was all she had ever wanted to do. She could feel her brain starting to pull her in two different directions and she closed her eyes.

"Uh oh, you've started thinking haven't you?" Nick's smile faded as he set the glasses down on the coffee table and sat next to her again.

"Sorry I didn't mean to, this is a big deal... kind of hard to ignore."

Nick nodded softly "I know."

Jess could see Nick starting to retreat into himself a little so throwing her legs over his lap she linked her fingers around his neck and pulled him close to her so she could look straight into his eyes. "Nick I kissed you ok, I wanted this to happen."

Nick's shoulders dropped in relief and as he leaned toward her he trailed his fingertips up her calf and nudged her nose with his. "Do yooou...want it to happen again?"

Jess nodded and squealed as Nick gathered her up in his arms and carried her off to his bedroom.

Boxing Day

Jess' eyes opened slowly, the remaining hint of mascara sticking them together. A stream of light rushed into her eyes, gone were the soft, twinkling lights of Christmas, this was the cold, hard light of day. Her naked body was anchored to the bed by a hard, warm weight behind her and an arm clutched her hand tightly against her own chest. Hairy legs tickled the back of her calves and warm breath brought her neck out in goose pimples. She was enveloped in his scent, not just from his proximity, but from his touch that still lingered over every part of her body from the night before.

She waited for it to come, that 'what the hell have I done?' feeling, that sinking feeling that 'oh shit' feeling that only came from complete and utter regret. But it didn't. For the first time in a long time she felt like she was right exactly where she needed to be. She tightened her hand around his and she felt him begin to stir behind her. As she felt his lips softly tickling her shoulder she turned in his arms.

"Good morning."

"Morning." He smiled with a hint of sleep in his voice. He looked relaxed and happy but there was just the slightest hint of worry in his face. "Look Jess I just wanna say..."

Jess stopped him with a kiss which she pressed hungrily against his mouth. "I don't regret it Nick."

Nick smiled broadly and rolled his weight on top of her willing body. He dragged his lips lazily up her her neck picking up where they had left off the night before and making love for the rest of the morning. That was until their grumbling stomachs called them away from their bedroom haven. Nick stroked the back of his hand gently up and down the base of her back as she sat perched on the side of his bed reaching for one of his discarded shirts on the floor. She swung it around her shoulders and fastened a few of the middle buttons before burying her nose in the crook of her arm.

"Mmm it smells like you, I've missed that smell."

Nick sat up straight and pulled her swiftly into his lap causing a small yelp as he did. "You can smell the real thing if you want to." He moaned sensually before attacking her neck with ticklish kisses and making her giggle and squirm out of his grasp.

"Ew that sounds gross." She chuckled and stood, tugging at his arm. "Come on, I'm hungry."


Nick tried his best to aim his kitchen utensils somewhere in the region of the frying pan in front of him but it was a little hard with Jess wedged in between his arms, kissing his neck and wearing only his shirt which was gaping in all the right places. He squirmed as she scraped her fingers over the sides of his waist but she persisted until he giggled like a girl.

"Jess stop I'm gonna burn breakfast and you're gonna burn your butt."

"Mmmm it's worth it." She moaned as she cheekily licked just behind his earlobe making his hands immediately gravitate to her butt. Spinning her around he pressed her against the counter and played her at her own game, kissing his way up her neck until her laughter turned to moans but before anything escalated Nick buried his head in her neck and enveloped her in a tight hug, lifting her feet of the ground with its power as he let out a long, relieved groan.

"Uh Jess, it feels so good to touch you like this again."

"I know." She muffled into his hair. "I've missed you so much." She pulled back a little and held his face in her hands. "This just feels right, it feels..."

"Normal again?"

"Yeah."

"It's been hard Jess. I've tried to be there for you and I've tried to be your friend but it's been so hard because this is what I wanted, this is what I've always wanted."

"I know, I thought I could distract myself with work, with someone else, but it didn't work. I've got to admit, I didn't expect this to happen now, like this, but I'm glad that it has. I know we're gonna have to talk this all out at some point but right now I just wanna do this." She bit her lips seductively as she dipped her hands in his boxers grabbing his ass.

"Mmmmm me too." He kissed the end of her nose before capturing her mouth once again.

But their intimate moment was ruined by the cutting sound of Jess' phone. Jess pulled her lips away from Nick and glanced at it, fully prepared to ignore whoever it was until she saw the name on the screen. As Nick saw her face fall and felt her body tense up in his hands he knew who it was. He wished that everything that was happening between them was this pure, untainted thing but it wasn't that simple. Jess' breakup was still fresh and there was still mess to clear up. His body dropped in disappointment as he felt Jess remove herself from his arms.

She didn't leave the room completely but she moved over to the couch lowering her voice slightly. He knew what questions Ryan was asking, the same questions he had asked himself when Jess had slipped through his fingers. He felt for the guy, he really did but not enough to give Jess up, not this time. He had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, part of him was terrified that Ryan was going to help her realise she had made a mistake, was going to remind her that he was this great guy that could give her everything Nick couldn't, he was going to make Jess feel like the last twenty four hours had been nothing but loneliness and desperation.

He listened to Jess tell Ryan what had happened between them, he knew she would be honest, there was no way she would be able to lie about it. It was one of the many things he loved about her. He watched her tug at the sleeves of his shirt nervously and rub her feet together to try and expel some of her discomfort. He listened to her explain away the last few hours and every muscle in Nick's body tightened as he braced himself. Suddenly Jess turned around to face him, he tried to pretend he wasn't listening in but it seemed like she wanted him to hear. She stood and began to walk slowly back over to him, still talking, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. She reached out for him and began to play nervously with the neckline of his t-shirt. Nick frowned, unsure what was happening, all he could do was listen. Her eyes locked with his and then she said it.

"Ryan I'm so sorry I really am, but I'm still in love with him. I still love Nick."

The rest of Jess' words started to blur in Nick's ears, nothing made sense after that. He had dreamed of Jess saying those words again in a thousand different scenarios, but strangely enough this wasn't one of them. He'd had no idea, literally no idea that she still felt that way, she had seemed ok, happy even. As sick as it had made him feel part of him saw her going the distance with Ryan. How had she hidden this so damn well?

Finally she hung up the call with Ryan and her eyes found his again. His whole face had widened with surprise, his eyebrows had almost risen completely off his forehead and she was pretty sure he hadn't let a breath in or out in the last thirty seconds.

"Oh right yeah...about that...I forgot to tell you...I kinda still love you."

Nick didn't speak.

"Nick?"

"Sorry I just...gimme a second."

"Ok...how about now?"

"You still love me?"

"Yeah."

"And I still love you."

"You do?" Jess clenched either side of his shirt and raised up on her tip toes so her eyes were level with his.

"Jess of course I do are you nuts, I never stopped."

She pressed her mouth hard against his, it was possible she might leave bruises but he wasn't complaining.

As evening fell over the loft, the quiet sound of music played and the soft lights of the christmas tree illuminated the room with a gently glow. The lights bounced off the the smooth skin of Jess' back as Nick trailed his fingertips up and down. Her hand was tucked around his torso and her leg thrown over his as she clung to him in a way that let him know he was hers again. He could hear her breath slowing, feel the soft tickle of breath on his chest as she drifted off but he was wide awake. He didn't want the day to end. Soon the other guys would be back and their tranquil, festive haven would be invaded. He wanted to enjoy it for as long as he could, before reality started to seep back in. Jess could hear him thinking, she had a way of doing that, turning her head into him she kissed his chest softly and hugged him close.

"Nick, it's gonna be different this time, I can feel it. New year, new start."

He smiled into her hair. "I know, I feel it to."

"And Nick?"

"Yeah."

"This has been the best Christmas ever."

The End.