He did it again..huh... I hate this, I really do hate it. The moment when I start to pick myself back up from the floor and i start to get over him, he does this... Why? Why torture me? Arent I suffered enough, because of him. And Once again I find myself dreaming about him. I just wanna slap myself, to just shake him off of me. Everytime he does this, I just wanna scream, in his face. Please just stop torturing me. Why does he have to say those things and make me a believer again.

The thing is those moments in that day, were like in the third place from everything he has done to me or said to me. This scares me, he scares me that he has this kind of power over me. He fucking complimented me again... twice. Dont get me wrong, I love that he says those things and I love his attention more than anything in the world. But I know I am going to suffer later, when he is gone or worse I see his beautiful perfect girlfriend. I just... I don't know anymore what to do, I really don't.

I can't sleep, i cant eat, i cant breathe without seeing him in my mind and repeating his words over and over again. Why am I doing this to myself when I know that me and him is never ever going to happen, that is a fact. A hard cold fact. But I still try to say to myself that maybe... maybe... maybe. Fuck maybe! Just my mind and heart should STOP, stop with the maybe´s and speculations. This is making it worse much worse.

I can't breathe... I just want him to myself... I want other people to disappear. So me and him could just be. Please... I have to stop thinking... Is someone out there who could stop this, please. Its eating me alive and i don't know how much longer i can take this. I really don't. Please help me.. Please..