It doesn't matter in the end that this universe's blue eyed James T. Kirk isn't Spock Prime's Jim (he's so familiar to his Captain, his Admiral, his Jim, his thyla yet so different, so angry, so broken) He still feels Jim's death.
It should have been me (it had been him in his universe) is Spock's first thought after he momentarily gets over the wave, the crash of emotions he feels. His next thought is: I am not fine.
He is angry. There's fire in his old, weary blood. Not in the way of Pon Farr. Not in the need to mate but in need to be violent like his race was before Surak's teaching. A need to see the light in Khan's eyes disappear because he knows this is on Khan Noonien Singh. He's also angry at his youngerself. He should have protected hi-their Captain better. He didn't.
Nor had him.
The next emotion is guilt. If he had told his younger self more...maybe Jim, thyla would be alive.
That thinking is wishful. Illogical because what was done was done; he could not change what had occured, his actions, his mistakes. That thinking is very human and so very not Vulcan.
But Spock has come to terms that he is not Vulcan. He isn't fully human either. He is just who he was. Only two people in Spock's life fully, wholly accepted that. Loved that even. Now they are both dead and Spock doesn't know how to live without them. His Jims.
A/N: I own nothing. Can be read on archiveofourown.
