Pairing: Hank/Evan (implied, unrequited, and requited.)
Warnings: Slash, incest (implied, and not so implied)
Spoilers: General ones for both seasons
Author's Notes: I got the idea for this from the music/fic meme I did earlier last month with Will/Jack from Will & Grace called Mix Tape. I adapted it a bit and made it my own. Basically, I just kept repeating the song until I was done and focused more on one line of the song instead of the whole song. Dedicated to missflapjack, hopefully this is happier, bb. :D? Also this will be updated whenever I get inspiration for it. Songs will be done ten to a chapter/part/whatever. They don't necessarily connect and most of the time they won't, but I'll tell you if they do. Review, please!
Thank God I'm Pretty-Emilie Autumn
I'm truly privileged to look this good without clothes on
Evan makes jokes about his looks, pretends to think more of himself than he really does. Truth is, sometimes he really wishes he didn't look as good as he does. Everyone thinks he's just a pretty face and a nice ass to grab and slap. No one thinks he's intelligent. After all, all the smart ones are plain looking. He's handsome, so he must be stupid.
If someone wants him, they expect him to be more than willing to drop to his knees and bend over for them, no matter if he wants to or not. It's expected of him and he fucking hates it. He's not a slut, contrary to whatever Hank thinks. He's been taken advantage of too many times because it's easier than fighting and no one believes he doesn't want it because he's pretty, so he must be easy.
Really, thank god he's pretty.
Breathe-Nickelback
All I ever really wanted was to be like you, so perfect, so worthless
He couldn't help wanting be like them. The women that Hank went after. First Nikki, then Jill. They were perfect in his eyes, regardless of their flaws. In Evan's eyes, they were worthless. Not as people, no, just as people that his brother wanted. It was stupid of him to feel this way, it was his brother after all and it wasn't like he could ever mean anything more to Hank than just family and it killed him.
All he wanted was Hank to see him for him and love him like Evan loved him. He knew Hank would never see him like that.
He wanted to be perfect and worthless, just for Hank, so Hank would love him.
Outside-Staind
It's for you and I taste what I could never have
Evan knows how Hank feels about him, knows that Hank loves him just as much as Evan loves him. The feelings are the same, but the difference is that Hank is willing to go to any length to deny them, whereas Evan is quite happy to tell Hank how he feels.
Their first and only kiss had shocked Evan, in a good way, of course. He had told Hank how he felt, fully expecting to be punched in the face for it when Hank had grabbed his hips and hauled him forward, pressing their lips together fiercely, completely catching Evan off guard.
When Hank broke the kiss, he wrapped his arms around Evan and told him that that was the last time that they were ever going to do something like that. It wasn't right and Hank wasn't going to do it, no matter how he felt.
Evan knew that on the inside Hank was just as ugly as he was.
Fans-Kings Of Leon
Make me feel like I'm the one who moves you, the only one you see
Evan could make Hank feel like he was the only person in the entire universe when he turned those bright blue eyes on him and smiled. Hank knew that smile was only for him, that he was the only one who ever got to see it.
Hank loved the way that smile tasted on his tongue as their lips moved against each other and he took pleasure in knowing that he was the one that moved Evan like this. Sure, he wasn't the only one, but he was the only one that Evan could see.
The only one that mattered.
In Perfect Harmony-Within Temptation
He was the only human being who lived in harmony, in perfect harmony
They were so in sync with each other most of the time that it felt wrong to be arguing over something like this. An argument that neither would win because both were to stubborn to see things from the other's point of view. It wasn't right that they weren't on the same wave length, weren't in agreement over this.
The scary part, to Evan at least, he had no idea what Hank would think about this subject which was scary in and of itself, was that this could be the one thing that had the power to split them up for good. They might never get past this and the rift between them would just grow and grow until there was a chasm the size of the Grand Canyon between them.
Evan really didn't want that to happen, but he also kind of resented the fact that Hank thought he knew what was best for him (which most of the time, he did). He wanted his father in his life at the very least, if he couldn't convince Hank to give him a chance too and Hank wasn't going to stop that, no matter what he thought.
Killing Loneliness-H.I.M.
With the venomous kiss you gave me, I'm killing loneliness
Neither of them had ever been particularly good at keeping girlfriends, so when Hank told him he was engaged, he was surprised and shocked, to be honest. Of course he was happy for Hank, but he couldn't help not liking Nikki. She was a bitch and she kept coming between them. Hank couldn't see it because he truly believed he was in love at the time, but Evan knew what she was doing. She had never liked him and wanted Hank to have nothing to do with him.
She made Hank blow off plans he had made with Evan for her, even though she knew they had made the plans way in advance for that reason. So Evan wouldn't interfere in their own plans, but she still whined and pouted at Hank and got her way because Hank had no backbone when it came to her and couldn't say no to her.
He apparently had no problem saying to no to Evan though and did so whenever Bitch snapped her fingers. All that was in the past now. Now they were in The Hamptons and everything was going great. Hank had a second chance at doing what he did best and Evan had his second chance at having his brother back, not only in his life, but also in his arms as he finally, finally realised that the only way to kill loneliness was with Hank.
True Love Way-Kings Of Leon
Sharing a smile, so far from home
Okay, so The Hamptons weren't all that far from home, not for them, but it felt like a completely different world than the city. Which, Evan supposed, was the point and why people came there to escape the city. There was a sense of community about the place that there wasn't in the city. Everyone took an interest in everyone, especially when you didn't want them to, but they genuinely cared for one another.
City people didn't. To them, you were one more brick in the wall, one more crack in the sidewalk to step on. Here there was a feeling of belonging that just didn't exist in the city. Not that Evan didn't love the city because he did, but The Hamptons felt like home in a way that the city hadn't in a long time and he was glad to be able to share with Hank. There was no one else he'd rather be here with.
Chasing Cars-Snow Patrol
Would you lie with me and just forget the world
Sometimes real life and the real world were not places Evan wanted to be and wanted to deal with. It was all so overwhelming sometimes. He just wanted the occasional break and sit back and let the world pass him by for a few minutes. That's all he asked for. Just for a little while, could the world just ignore him and let him forget that he needed to deal with all his responsibilities for a short time and relax?
Even better, could he have Hank stay with him as they watched life go on without them for a bit. Just a little while. He'd give Hank back soon, he promised. He just needed a little time to simply exist and breathe for a while without having anyone rely on him, depend on him, need him.
He just wanted to forget the world and escape for a little while with Hank and have his brother all to himself in their own little fantasy world. They'd go back soon enough, they just needed a little time to themselves.
The Best Thing-Savage Garden
You're so close, where do you end, where do I begin
Evan loved these moments, early in the morning, before they have to get up for the day, tangled up with Hank. The quiet, even breathing soothing him, making him drowsy. They're so wrapped up with each other Evan has a hard time telling where he ends and Hank begins
He doesn't ever want to the comfort and safety of Hank's arms. Here, he can pretend that the world won't hate them if they knew just how close they really were, he can pretend that Hank belongs to him alone, instead of everyone else. It's the only place he wanted to be.
He would do anything and give anything for his brother. Whatever he could to see him smile, laugh, and make him happy. He was never like that with anyone else. He just hoped Hank knew exactly how much he meant to him.
He hoped Hank knew that he was the best thing about him.
Paparazzi-Lady GaGa
Chase you down until you love me
Evan had always known in some part of his mind that the only person he could ever really love was Hank. At first, he had just assumed it was some kind of hero worship after their father left and their mother had gotten steadily sicker. It was loneliness and heartache that made him crawl into his brother's bed because Hank was the only one that could keep the nightmares at bay.
When they got older and everything went to hell and back for Hank in the city, Evan dragged him to The Hamptons. He tried to tell himself that he just wanted to reconnect with his brother, but he knew the truth. He was hoping Hank would love him the same way Evan did. Sure, there was almost no chance of that happening, especially after Hank met Jill, but Evan was nothing if not stubborn, so he wasn't going to give up.
He'd chase Hank all around the world and back if he would just love him.
