Edward,
I wonder why I'm writing this to you.
I doubt you'd understand, truly, but I can't stop thinking about you- and me- and what we had. I can't get you out of my head.
I know I miss you- but you seem to be so wound up in your little 'Keep Bella safe' games to ever think twice about coming back.
I told myself I wouldn't beg, I don't think I could stand it.
Besides, we both know what your answer would be.
And I just wanted to say…
Ugh! I sounded so stupid and needy. I balled up the paper, throwing it- and missing, I might add (curse my lack of athletic ability!)- towards the trash can.
I sighed. Then got up, unfolded the now crumpled paper and laid it out flat.
I didn't know why, but I'd begun a habit of keeping all the rubbish letters to Edward- and sometimes the other Cullens- I'd never send.
I wasn't over him- not now, maybe never- but I was better. And although the hole in my chest was still there, it didn't rip me open like it used to, didn't send me buckled over or holding my chest together anymore. Needless to say, it still hurt, worried me like a constant headache- a dull pain that never left.
I carefully put the half-written letter in a box under my bed along with everything else I never wanted to remember…
Under my bed was everything from them, the Cullens. And that stereo they'd given me 2 years back? In the dump somewhere, most-like. Mauled beyond recognition.
I had already finished my homework- what normally happened wit the result of no friends. But who needed them, anyway? I know they wanted to help- at first- but what could I say? 'Oh, I fell in love with a vampire but couldn't hold his attention, so he left?' Most definitely not! I'd be in a padded room before even I knew it.
So I took out yet another piece of paper, and tried starting a letter to Alice. Maybe she'd be easier to write to…
Alice,
Hi. It's Bella.
'Hi. It's Bella.' God, I was such a loser. No wonder Edward left me… but I couldn't think like that.
I scratched out my attempt and tried again.
Alice,
You remember me?
As if she could forget the girl who destroyed her family, always putting them in danger, wouldn't go shopping with her and couldn't walk over a flat surface without tripping. But, oh well. I was keeping this.
Well, how could you forget?
Don't tell Edward I wrote this to you- I wouldn't want him to have to worry or anything. He should be out having fun with his distractions.
God! Why was I so bitter? If this was going to hurt, then I really shouldn't write it…
I'm sorry. That was bitter.
I missed you. How are you holding up?
Better than you are, Bella, I'm sure. I thought, suddenly furious. Her life was good, and if it wasn't, she had all the time in the world to make it that way.
I was really beginning to wonder if writing this letter was such a good idea in the first place.
Any good malls where you are? If there are, I'm sure you have all the latest designer clothes gone by now.
I'm sure my fashion is just as bad as before- but, girl, you've always exceeded me there!
Everywhere, really. But I refuse to say that. And this letter appears bipolar. From pissed and grieving to strangely cheerful about… well, the last thing I should be cheerful about, fashion. What was wrong with me?
I doubt you'll get this- or read it.
But if you feel up to it, write me back.
(No matter what Edward may say!)
We all know whose the sneakiest vampire in your family, Alice.
Just think carefully always.
I love you.
And, if you can, give my regards to everyone (yes, even Rosalie!);
Bella
Oh, god! I didn't realize I was crying. Not dead out sobbing, just watering up a bit. Man, I was super-sensitive when it came to them.
I folded up the letter, internally debating if I should send it. Or if it'd get through- seeing as how I didn't have their new address. Or even if they'd read it. Well, Alice would probably 'see' me sending it- so at least she'd be prepared…
Then I realized. Alice had never got to say 'good-bye' to me. I mean, of course I'd noticed at the time, but it didn't click with me… she might not have agreed with Edward, after all, we'd been friends, hadn't we?
Alice had 'borrowed' one of my prettier blouses a week before they- well, he- left, claiming she liked it but was going to 'update' it.
But when I'd gotten it back the very day the Cullens left, it was the same. Apparently Alice had 'never gotten around to it' and, at the time, I was extremely hurt by it. I had been on the bottom of their priorities list even then!
I hadn't even washed the shirt since then, it was still hanging in my closet.
I opened up the door and pulled the blouse down searching it. I couldn't find anything and threw it on the bed.
The tears were threatening now, and I let them come. But through my blurry eyes I saw a corner of a folded piece of paper.
I got up, and inside the blouse, safety-pinned onto the inside, was a note.
Addressed to me.
