Imagine my consternation when I searched this website for "covfefe" and got absolutely zero results! This is my attempt to fix that.

Please do note that I am not in any way attempting to express a political opinion through this piece. I am simply capitalizing on a humorously versatile and ambiguous word. I hope you enjoy!


The Doctor crashed through the doors of his office, a grimace set firmly on his face.

"Bill!" he barked at the rather startled woman loitering beside the TARDIS, book in hand. "They've taken it!" he offered by way of explanation, panic and frustration lacing his tone.

"Taken what?" Bill asked, trailing in the Doctor's wake as he stormed into the blue police telephone box.

"It!" was the Doctor's response, jerkily waving his hand as he hustled around the TARDIS console, flipping a few of the controls. "It's kind of a hard concept to explain, but of vital importance to the stability, well-being, and very existence of the universe!" he explained theatrically, fixing his companion with an intense look. "Are you sure you want to know?"

"Yes, Doctor, of course I do," Bill replied with surety. She'd faced down aliens, robots, and an entire dystopian society at the Doctor's side – why would she change her mind now?

"Excellent," the Doctor grinned widely. "Imagine the most commonly held and cherished value in the whole universe. Something that everyone, no matter how differently they've been raised or what horrors they've experienced, believe in," he lectured, rolling his 'r's to rather fantastic effect. "Something that, if threatened, would unite everyone to protect it. Can you see it clearly in your mind?"

Bill concentrated, nodded, and said: "Yeah, I can see it. Has someone figured out a way to steal a person's beliefs?" she asked incredulously.

The Doctor, halfway up one of the TARDIS' many staircases, spun around to look at her. "Good thinking!" he exclaimed. "But no, nothing like that at all. What has been stolen is very much a physical object, something so precious and rare that the Daleks once wiped out an entire civilization just to get their hands on one!"

Of course, for the sake of the explanation, the Doctor refrained from commenting that the Daleks do not, in fact, have hands. 'Toilet plungers' doesn't sound very dramatic, though, now does it?

"But then, why'd you just have me imagine something completely irrelevant?" Bill wondered.

"It's a good mental exercise," the Doctor replied rather defensively. "Besides, I had to do something to warm up your brain's processes. What I'm about to show you is so incredible and bizarre that it has the potential to destroy your cognitive functions like an overloaded circuit unless you're prepared for it," he explained, retrieving a small, rectangular box sitting on one of his bookcases and bringing it back to the central console.

"Okay," Bill drawled. "But I'm prepared now, aren't I? My brain isn't going to get fried?"

"It's hard to know for sure, but you'll probably be fine," the Doctor offered as dubious reassurance. As he slowly cracked open the lid of the box, an intense, golden glow began to fill the room, and he grinned widely. "You see, the best way to learn about the item that has been stolen is to see one for yourself," he said.

"I present to you," the Doctor said grandly, throwing open the lid and holding the box out to the unsuspecting Bill. "Covfefe!"