What About Now: Bulletproof Revisited
"What about you, Clark, you got someone that makes it all worth it?"
He couldn't sleep, thinking about what Danny asked him. Apparently, every hero had a reason for fighting for truth, justice and other stuff. Danny had his family; Oliver had his parent's untimely death to keep him going. What did he have: his father's heart attack that was his fault to begin with, his mother leaving town to make a life on her own, all the pain and suffering he'd caused the people closest to him, Lana… Lois?
Clark walked into the Talon, late that night. He saw Lana at the coffee machine making an espresso just like she used when she first opened the coffee shop their freshman year.
"If I squint just right, it's like we're fourteen again", he said smiling.
She turned around and smirked, "you say that like it's a good thing… What's up?"
He walked closer to the counter, just like he used to all those years ago, "I couldn't sleep."
"So you came to a coffee shop", she smiled and watched him shrug slightly, "Not your best plan, Mr. Kent."
He was at the counter now, "Lana, I know you had reasons for coming back, but why are you staying?"
"Leaving's harder than I thought it would be", she lowered her gaze, "But like I said, I don't know how long I'll be here, so…"
"Whether you leave in ten years or you leave tomorrow", he smiled, "the important thing is you're here today…"
"Clark", she said walking around the counter to stand in front of him, "we aren't fourteen any more… the world will always be bigger than the both of us…"
"Maybe it doesn't have to be all or nothing", he was grasping at straws now, he wanted desperately to find his reason, "for the last year, all I've done is sacrifice myself, and everything that I love for the greater good… what if the rest of the world didn't have to come first?"
"The world needs you, Clark", she whispered leaning into him.
"What about what we need", he countered and leaned into kiss her.
A sound from the apartment upstairs caused him to stop and look up.
"What", he mumbled.
"Oh, um", Lana said pulling back hesitantly, "Lois is up there… she just got back from Star City about twenty minutes ago… she's probably unpacking or packing….."
"Lois", Clark asked, "She's back?"
"Yeah", Lana said, "I told her she could bunk here… she said she was moving though… she'll be out in the morning-"
Clark looked from Lana to the stairs.
"Clark", she asked, "Everything okay?"
He looked back at her.
"I'm sorry", he said moving back.
"You want to see her", Lana smiled nodding. She knew Clark would move on, but it still hurt that he had.
He nodded. "It's been a while since I saw her, you know and we haven't really talked so… I just want to make sure she's okay…"
Lana nodded. "I understand… I'm going to go for a walk."
She walked around him and out the door. Clark watched her leave, and even though he knew he needed to move to go up stairs, he still couldn't. What if she didn't want to see him? It would explain why she hadn't gone by to see him when she landed, or why she hadn't called at all during her stay in Star City. Chloe hadn't even mentioned she was coming back. He turned to leave, but something kept pulling him toward the stairs instead. He realized when he reached the top, what it was: her heartbeat.
*~*~*
Lois kicked a box on the floor and tied her arms in front of her chest. Great, now that the two love birds were getting reacquainted, how was she supposed to escape? Maybe she could just sneak downstairs without either of them noticing. She doubted that, Clark had a keen sense of hearing. She looked out the window. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to jump. It sure beat watching Lana and Clark kissing.
After almost catching them kiss, Lois had turned back into her room and slammed the door shut. She hoped she hadn't been noticed by either of them, because that would have just been embarrassing. What a great welcome home though! It seemed like nothing had changed since she left. She opted for the window!
But a knock on the door, stopped her cold. It could have been Lana, being her sweet self to check up on her, or coming up for the night. Maybe Clark had already left. How was she supposed to spend the night in the same space as her after almost catching her with Clark? It was so… awkward.
She sighed when she realized Lana had yet to open the door. Apparently, Lois was going to have to open the door for princess too…
She threw open the door without looking, and walked back to the box she'd been working on. The faster she packed, the faster she'd be out of Smallville once and for all.
Clark watched her packing furiously. She was tossing clothes and cds into boxes. When she tossed in a shirt that obviously belonged to Jimmy, he had to smirk and clear his throat to get her attention.
"I'm sorry, Lana", Lois said never looking over her shoulder; "I'll be out of your hair in a micro minute."
"Lois…", he said softly and watched her stop packing immediately.
She turned around and smiled politely. "Hey Clark, I didn't know you were spending the night. I'll be out of here in no time. Oliver had offered me up his apartment and I think I'm going to take him up on his offer because you know I needed to go check on the apartment I leased so I'll go there instead just let me grab a couple of things and I'll be out of your-"
"Lois", he said stopping her pacing around the room by grabbing her shoulders, "Stop… I'm not spending the night."
"Oh", she said slowly, "Well, still I think I should just go. Tell Lana thanks, in fact I'll tell her myself, see you around Smallville."
She grabbed her bag and walked toward the door.
"She's not there", he said stopping her for the second time that night.
"Oh", Lois said turning around, "Well, then… I guess I'll see you…"
"Lois", Clark continued talking stuffing his hands in his pockets, "the day you left, I shouldn't have let you. And I think I've been beating myself up over it ever since…"
She didn't dare turn around; she just stood in her doorway.
"And, I missed you…"
"Clark, don't do this", she sighed shutting her eyes tightly.
He walked closer to her and stood behind her, facing her back.
"Did you miss me", he asked smiling softly.
She turned around, with wet eyes and whispered, "You know I did."
Clark smiled. "Lois, I don't know what this is between us… and I admit when I saw Lana it was like she never left, but she did… and I can't hold on to that forever…"
"Clark", she started but he cut her off.
"Let me finish", Clark said, "Tonight someone asked me if I had someone who made it all worth it… fighting for truth and justice… and I wondered if I did… I came to see Lana… I wanted to know once and for all if she was that for me, and I realized that she used to be, but she's been gone a long time… and the whole time I've embraced who I'm meant to be, the one person standing by my side has been you."
Lois looked into his eyes. "What am I supposed to say to that?"
He shrugged, "I don't expect you to say anything. I can't expect you to say anything…"
"Clark, I've seen you at your best and at your worst", she started.
"Exactly, and you're still here", he said but she cut him off.
"And I always will be", she smiled sadly, "But Clark, I told you once… I can't face another heartbreak down the road…"
"Lois, I'm not trying to hurt you", he said slowly.
"But there's a possibility you might", she said, "Especially if Lana stays…"
"I gave Lana my heart when I was a kid", he said, "But somewhere between her dvd goodbye and now, I took it back-"
"And I'm happy for you, Clark."
He smiled nodding. "But…"
She smiled sadly. "I think we just need to take things slow… be friends and then see where that takes us…"
He nodded. "Okay, we'll go slow… But I'm not trying to deny that there's something there."
"Neither am I."
"And I want you to know", he said for emphasis, "That you're not the third point of any triangle."
She moved her head to the side, "Okay, whatever that means…"
She moved to walk out the door.
"You're still leaving?"
"Yeah…", she said smiling, "I'm going to check on my apartment in the city… I'll see you tomorrow, Clark."
He watched her leave and smiled when a sense of hope filled him. Lois had returned and the ache in his heart had vanished. An ache he didn't even know he had, until now. When Danny asked him if he had someone who made it all worth it, he didn't know if he did. Now he realized that he didn't have just one specific person, he had a handful of people he fought to protect and keep safe. His surrogate family, starting from the parents who adopted him all the way down to the women who'd impacted his life in more ways than one. But he did realize one thing, which was that he wanted to keep fighting. And he wanted to fight with Lois right by his side. He walked out of the apartment and closed the door behind him. Tonight he'd let her go to Metropolis to look after her apartment, but tomorrow was a new day, and he was going to have a long talk with her. They'd talk about where they stood, where they wanted to go, and the fact that he wanted to go there with her.
Lana walked into the Talon as he was about to leave.
"You see her?"
He smiled. "Yeah, we talked."
"And", she smiled, "Everything okay?"
He smiled, "Not yet. But it will be."
He walked out the door smiling, as Lana watched his retreating back, smiling softly.
