You can't tell me that this isn't hard. I hated when everyone told me that I'd live, that I'd see Arthur soon enough. No one understands how tough this situation is, except for the ones like us having to deal with goodbyes at the airport terminals or bus stations. It's the hardest thing to experience in the world, being miles, a time zone away.
Maybe someday this won't hurt as bad, but as for right now I'm not hopeful. In a way, the hurt is a good thing; it's a blessing that I can still feel for Arthur even though we're so far away, you know? It lets me know that I still love him as much as I had from day one. It's like a gift, really, being able to wake up to a text from him – even if it costs a ton for us, considering our overseas messaging plan – and think, 'God, I love you so much', to not wonder if I've lost my desire to see him, to taste his lips on mine.
...
I lay in my bed, sighing. I listened to Arthur getting everything ready once he was out of the shower, trying not to let this get to me. I mean, it wasn't like I'd be seeing him again in a week. It'd probably be another few months before we could even safely plan him coming here again, or me going there. I understood that it was for the better to be separated from him so that way the next time I see him would be like Christmas, but I find myself thinking about having him come move with me so I could have Christmas everyday just waking up to him. I rolled over on my bed, sighing again. Sometimes I just didn't know what to do, especially on days like this.
I listened to the door open and he stepped in humming to himself. I figured he didn't want to talk about this afternoon when we'd have to separate again. I peeked out at him from my hands and couldn't help but to smile at him. He was wearing my robe, holding my favorite coffee mug that ironically held his blueberry tea. I snorted. He smiled at me and walked to my side of the bed, kneeling. "Good morning," he smiled, patting my hand. I continued to smile at him, even as I kissed his nose. "Good morning." I said, quietly, hugging him close and almost tipping him over. He cursed but laughed a bit, kissing my ear. "Get off!" he said playfully. I just wrinkled my nose. "Why?" He gave me a look and I huffed and moved away from him. "Fiiiine."
Arthur stood and dusted himself off. I just snorted again. "Do you want me to make breakfast or should you?" he asked sipping his tea. I shrugged. "I like eating food, not charcoal. I'll cook." I winked as he scoffed. I stood, clad in my boxers and Captain America shirt. I grabbed my glasses and kissed his temple, laughing a bit. "Oh, I'm kidding." He nodded and hugged me a bit, the top of his head coming just below my nose. He had blow dried his hair and I was able to push some strands with my breath. I giggled as I held him tighter. I noticed that he was being quiet though and I asked after a while "What would you like for breakfast?" He was still silent.
"I know we promised not to talk about it," I listened to his voice, quiet and a little sad. It made me so angry that we were doing this to ourselves, knowing fully what he was going to bring up. "…but I'm going to miss you so much." He whispered, making my chest constrict and my heart nearly stops beating. I kissed his cheek and I bit my lip, trying to keep my voice from being sad before I nodded, agreeing. "I'll miss you too." Cupping his cheeks, he looked up at me, his green eyes making me smile sweetly. Since our relationship is a long distance one, people have asked me if Arthur may have ever cheated on me. I say that I know he hasn't and when I look at him like this in my arms, its how I know for sure.
"Promise?" He asked. I was surprised at this; he was normally so sure of himself and this made me scared. I loved how Arthur never second guessed his abilities and believed that he was the King, able to take charge. This wasn't like him, really. But, because he asked and wanted to be reassured, I nodded and pecked his lips softly, smiling a bit. "Cross my heart." I winked. This made him smile and nod, able to be sure. I know he'd hold me too that promise. He was just that way.
We went out for breakfast after I got ready, Arthur insulting me on how slow I could be most times. I just laughed, smiling at him when I poked my head out of the shower. "If you keep pestering me, I'll go slower." I winked and he blushed, hiding again. He was quiet after that.
I dried off, dressing in my nicest jeans and t-shirt, tying my converse up. I smiled up at him when he paced. "We'll make it." I said softly. "Besides, it wouldn't be so bad to miss your flight." He smiled back at that and nodded. "That's true. I'd just be kicked out of college, oh well." He laughed softly, though I knew that he wouldn't mind staying with me just as much as I wanted him to.
We walked out to my car and ironically, the sun was shining. I think it was trying to tell me it would be okay in the long run. I didn't believe it, feeling a pang in my heart. Arthur carried out his duffle bag and computer case to my car, smiling at bit at me; I hadn't noticed I was staring. "Are you okay?" he asked and opened the door. I sighed and nodded, reluctantly. I didn't have to say my feelings, as he was probably feeling the exact same way I was. "I will be." I said after a while and got into the car, buckling myself in. He joined me and smiled as he leaned back.
"Where are we going?" He asked, kissing my cheek as he fiddled with his seatbelt. I smiled and kissed his lips softly. "Mc Donald's~" I said as sweetly as I could, making him glower. "Really?" he asked, punching my arm. I laughed and shook my head. "Of course not! I'm taking you to Burger King." That comment earned a slap and I just laughed, hugging him. "Oh hush, it's somewhere nicer." I kissed his cheek a number of times and he laughed, trying to claw away. "Did you really think I was going to give you anything less than a good meal?" I asked, kissing his ear, cheek, and nose. He shrugged when he wiggled away from my grasp. "You never know." He commented….
…That was it.
I started to tickle him. He laughed but eventually took my hands and put them on the steering wheel. "We'll be late." He said softly and leaned on me. I just kissed his forehead. "Yes, your highness." I laughed and started the car. We drove off to downtown and we stopped at a little Scandinavian breakfast bistro. I knew the owner, Berwald Oxenstierna; he was in my Mathematics class. I also knew his best friend, Tino Väinämöinen, whom he had a crush on. (Cute kids, really.) Anyway, we stopped there and had breakfast, Arthur seeming to enjoy it. I bought him a blueberry cheese Danish for the flight home and he seemed very grateful. We said our goodbyes after a while and we drove the rest of the way to their airport, listening to the more upbeat teenage music. I thought it was cute when Arthur complained about the music, except for when Lady Gaga or Adele came on. I found it comforting when he sang to the songs. It made me sad, however, thinking I wouldn't be hearing his voice for another few months, until he wasn't so busy. I'd just be viewing text messages.
I lost myself on the way to the airport and I was surprised that we had just been sitting there for about a minute. Arthur knocked me out of my trance. I almost wish he wouldn't have.
We walked in and I sighed, looking at the white walls of the airport, sitting on a black bench. I waited for Arthur to get his ticket, watching him slowly make his way up the line. I was contemplating grabbing him and bringing him back to the bench with me. I tried to keep back the hurt, this emptiness that started to form in my heart as he walked back to me. It was only a matter of a few minutes now. He sat and held my hand, his fingers cold against my warm and sweating palm. I bit my lip to keep from even thinking about shedding a tear. It was painful to have him go so soon.
"Alfred, it'll be okay." He whispered, kissing my cheek. I didn't care if others looked, and neither did he. I just shook my head and rubbed my forehead with my other hand. "We always say that…" I said softly and shook my head. "…It won't be okay until I graduate and come over to you." Arthur was silent and nodded. After a while, he hugged me and kissed my temple. "That's only in another year. We've held out for two already. It won't be much harder, Al." I nodded and hugged him back. Fuck, this was killing me. I hated doing this. I'd rather jump off a bridge than to have to do this again.
Looking into his eyes, I saw the reassurance I was searching for, a small and weak smile playing on the corners of my lips. I nodded and kissed his lips, closing my eyes. The rest of our time together was a haze as I tried to gather up all of my memories of Arthur's body before he left so I could see him in my mind; I rehearsed his laugh and thought about how he told me he loved me. I hadn't realized I was tearing up. I also hadn't noticed that Arthur was standing, waiting to say goodbye to me.
It hurt looking up at him. I pray to whatever God is watching us right now that he doesn't see how hurt I am. I stood and embraced Arthur, and kissed every part of him I could while squeezing him. "I love you so much, Arthur." I whispered as he squeezed me back and we rocked a bit. He just nodded and kissed my lips trying to smile. "I love you too, Al." He said, kissing my cheek and giving me another quick squeeze. I watched him walk to the podium where the flight attendant stood, looking at everyone's tickets. He turned around once and blew me a kiss. Before he got on the plane, I let out a deep breath, and with my heart pounding, I yelled, "I love you!"
He blushed and smiled as the airport got silent and he yelled back that he loved me too before waving and disappearing. I couldn't stop my tears, but I continued to smile. I needed to be strong, no matter how badly this feeling stung just as bad as it had many times before.
Somehow I got home that night and I didn't cry or mope. I went on living life as if Arthur hadn't come over, which may sound harsh but what else can you do when your lover has to go home after so many months of seeing each other? I was getting ready for bed when I saw that my phone flashed. I thought it was my mind at first, but I looked again and it continued to flash. I smiled and ran to it like a child and opened up the text.
From: Arthur
….
I made it home. I love you, Alfred Jones c:
I lost track of my shower and laid in bed instead, proceeding to tuck him into bed over text how we had done hundreds of messages previous.
Worldwide
