For Mattsloved1's birthday! The first four lines and the last two are the show's original dialogue.

I don't own any of the characters or the dialogue of BBC Sherlock!


How it could have gone! (in Hounds of Baskerville)

Sherlock turned around towards John, "John. I need some. Get me some."

John looked at him, "No."

"Get me some."

"No. Cold turkey, we agreed. No matter what."

"When was that?" Sherlock suddenly cut him off.

"When was what?" John was confused.

"When did we agree on me quitting smoking cold turkey, John? I don't remember it."

"Oh for the love of-"

"When we had this agreement, was I in the flat?"

"Yes, of course you were in the flat! Unlike some people, I notice whether my flat mate is present or not when I'm having a conversation with him." John said pointedly.

"Was I in my mind palace?"

"No, we were sitting in this very room having a cup of tea when we had this agreement."

Sherlock stared into the distance for a minute, trying to remember.

"It was two weeks ago, after the naval treatment case." John added helpfully.

Sherlock frowned a bit, but no flash of recognition passed his face.

"Alright, you leave me no choice but to use my last resort." John said resigned.

Sherlock looked at him with a mix of curiosity and apprehension.

John pulled out his mobile phone, pushed a button, and held it up. A recorded conversation began to play:

'Using nicotine could even harm your work, Sherlock.'

'But nicotine helps me think, and my work completely relies on thinking. I don't see how it can damage my work, John.'

'If you rely on nicotine to think, what would you do if you're stuck in a situation that requires to think and you don't have access to any form of nicotine?'

'That's an unlikely scenario.'

'You can't smoke on a stake out Sherlock, that'll give away your location.'

'I'll use nicotine patches.'

'What if you're out of them?'

'I'll go and buy some more from a store.'

'In the middle of a stake out?'

'If we're on a stake out, then the majority of the thinking for solving that case is finished, I wouldn't need any nicotine.'

'…What if you're under cover? Or you're trying to avoid the detection of someone, they'd know about your dependence on nicotine. It'll be a hindrance.'

'John, are you thinking along the lines of the makers of those sci-fi movies that involves tracking by scent and what not?'

'Actually, I was thinking along CCTV cameras and face recognition softwares that can be used to pinpoint you at the supermarket where you buy cigarettes or nicotine patches, because your shopping list on the store's computers tips the bad guys off and your cover would be blown.'

'…'

'Not to mention that some of those people are real animals-'

'Fine, I'll quit.'

'Really? So are you going to reduce-'

'No, I'm going cold turkey.'

John pushed a button and the recording stopped.

Sherlock looked stunned. "Oh, now I remember!" he finally managed to say.

John put his phone back in his pocket, "Anyway, you've paid everyone off, remember? No one in a two-mile radius will sell you any."

Sherlock furrowed his brows, "Stupid idea. Whose idea was that?"

John clears his throat


Because we all wonder how John managed to get that agreement out of Sherlock!