Tim sighed as he continued to pace in front of Dick. "You don't get it. He treats you better--not that I care, or anything. It's just one more person in my life proving that I'm not good enough--that anyone and everyone is better than me. Okay, scratch that I do care. Few people build you up and make you feel like something. Not just something but something good, something useful, before they drop you and leave you feeling like nothing."
Dick threw his hands up into the air. He was angry at Bruce for making Tim feel this way, but he was even more frustrated with Tim and the fact that he couldn't make the kid see it his way. "Look he has a way of doing that. It's not his fault. You aren't nothing, and he doesn't treat me better. He just treats me differently. That's all."
Tim took a deep breath. He could hear all of the emotions in Dick's voice, and all of it just made him feel worse. He didn't just feel like nothing. He felt worse than nothing. He felt inadequate. Tim knew that there was no way Dick was going to be able to make him feel any better and every time Dick failed to help, everything just got worse. It was useless, and he wasn't willing to go through it all.
Dick watched as Tim's facial expression changed to one that showed nothing. It was like when Tim let out that breath--all of his emotions were exhaled with the carbon dioxide. Dick watch as Tim nodded to him and walked out.
Tim headed for his room. He thought that at least he could be alone there and not have to deal with anything. Tim knew that annoying Dick wasn't going to help him, and he thought that maybe if he could just get a moment to think, he could work out a way to express everything he was feeling to someone.
Stunned, Dick stood in the cave for a moment. He wasn't sure what had just happened with Tim. It was like he had just decided Dick was no longer good enough to talk to. Part of him wanted to go after Tim, but another part didn't want to start that conversation again. Dick hoped that Tim would go talk to Bruce, but he knew better than to think that's where Tim was headed. He loved the kid like a brother, but sometimes it was impossible to get him out of one of his moods. Dick sighed and walked over to the gym equipment. He figured if he was going to be down here, the least he could do was get in a good workout.
Tim walked into his room, and threw himself down on the bed. At least Dick hadn't told him to talk to Bruce. That would have been the thing that sent him over the edge. Talking to Bruce was like talking to a wall--except the wall didn't glare at you the entire time. The wall also couldn't ground you from Robin duties. The only part of life that made sense most days. Tim stared at the ceiling and wondered what he was going to do. Talking to Dick wasn't an option anymore, or at least not an option he would let himself have. He considered talking to Alfred, but what was the point in ruining Alfred's day, all because he was in a mood he couldn't get out of. Tim wasn't sure what he was going to do, but staying in his room staring at the ceiling wasn't helping anything. He figured he could at least go back down stairs and get a work out in.
When Tim reentered the cave he was surprised to see Dick working out with the free weights. He didn't know why, but he had expected Dick to just leave. Tim was about to turn around and just go run or something, but Dick stopped him. "I didn't expect you to come back so soon."
Tim froze. He didn't turn around to face Dick, and he had no intention of doing so until he had something to say that didn't seem so pointless. He heard Dick put down the weights behind him and start to walk closer. Tim needed to say something before they returned to their previous conversation. When he heard Dick call his name, it took all the control he had not to bolt. Instead, he took a small breath and turned to face Dick. "Honestly, I thought you had left, and I wanted a work out."
Dick looked a little sad at that confession, but the truth was, he was a bit relieved that he wasn't expected to talk to Tim about anything that happened earlier. "Oh, I was just…um…I can leave if you want."
Tim shrugged. He wasn't sure if being alone was any better than being around 'his family' right now. "I was going to work on the bag for a bit. You can stay if you want."
Dick nodded and headed back over to the weights. He hadn't even picked up the dumbbells again when he heard Tim hitting the bag full force. "You aren't pulling any of your punches…imagining my face, I take it." He probably would have laughed if he hadn't thought it was the truth.
Tim grunted as he hit the bag again. "I don't need to imagine faces to hit full force. If you do, I would suggest you seek help for anger management."
Dick returned to his own workout. "Right, because it's all about control with you."
Tim pulled his arm back to punch the bag again, but stopped. "What is that supposed to mean? Control isn't a bad thing, Dick."
Dick nearly winced at how harsh his own name sounded coming from Tim. "Not everything is about control, Tim. There is nothing wrong with relaxing once in awhile, and simply going with the current."
Tim resumed hitting the bag, this time adding in kicks. "There is no reason to be consumed with everything you are feeling."
Dick put the weights down on the floor and sat up on the bench. "There is no reason to shut off everything you are feeling and bury it all inside, either."
"There are plenty of reasons." Tim's next punch was slightly off center, and when he spoke, his voice was completely flat.
Dick knew that meant he had hit a nerve, but he was pretty sure this was a conversation they needed to have. "Like what?"
Tim stopped again mid-kick. "What do you mean like what?"
Had it not been for the subject matter of their current conversation Dick would have smirked at the look on Tim's face. It was a mixture of confusion and focus. Something, it seemed, only Tim could master. "You said there are plenty of reasons to shut down and hide your emotions. Give me a few of those reasons."
Tim was still in the position of mid kick staring at Dick. "Isn't it obvious?"
Dick shrugged. "Humor me?"
Tim continued with his kick, and followed it with another punch. "Emotions get in the way. They cloud the mind and…"
"And that's Bruce's standard answer, Timmy. What's yours?" Dick had seen Tim's annoyance in being interrupted, but continued. "Do you hide and avoid your emotions because they hurt?" Tim didn't say anything, but his next three kicks were off center and Dick new he had hit the nail on the head. "You know, Timmy, it's okay to feel. It doesn't make you weak. It just makes you human."
Tim hit the bag one last time before spinning to face Dick. "And since when has being human been appealing?"
Dick just sat there silent for a moment. He was stunned to see the tears coming out of Tim's eyes, and the kid seemed so distracted by his anger, he hadn't even noticed the tears himself. Dick silently got up, walked over to Tim, and pulled him into a hug. "There's nothing wrong with being human."
Dick heard Tim sniffle slightly. "I never said there was. I just said it wasn't appealing."
Dick couldn't keep the smile off his face. Leave it to Tim to be a smart ass while crying. "You aren't inadequate either."
Tim sniffled again. "I never said I was."
Dick held him tighter. "I know, but you were thinking it, and you're not."
Tim nodded. "That's what I'm told."
Dick chuckled lightly. "That's because it's true."
The End
