Just Friends.
( I. )
Prologue: Just Friends.
"And tonight will go on forever while we
walk around this town like we own the streets
and stay awake through summer like we own the heat
Singing everybody wake up it's time to get down."
Guy's night is a motherfucking sacred event, I swear. If I were to ever read the bible I'm positive it would be a sin for us men not to do guys night.
As kids we used to do it almost every weekend. But now that were all mature and aging guys night has become even more sacred. Usually we can only do it when someone's parents are out, and tonight was no exception.
The Broflovski's were gone for the wonderful long weekend, leaving Kyle's house the perfect target for fun. Which is new since Kyle is such a worry wart, and by the end of guy's night I have no doubt that something illegal will be going down.
But that doesn't matter, because this night is going to totally kickass.
I can just feel it.
"Dude, calm down," I tried reassuring Kyle.
We were sitting in his bright living room waiting for trouble to arrive. I watched him chew his lip from my spot on the floor, trying to figure him out. I don't really know why he's worrying so much, his house is always fun and we only invited the usual.
Then again when the usual consists of Cartman, Kenny, and Butters so things could very well get freaky. Hell, I'm hoping freaky happens more than anything tonight.
"If we get caught, my parents will slaughter me," He complained again, and gave me a thoughtful look.
I rolled my eyes at him, just as the doorbell rang. And just like that, my adrenaline was pumping.
There's a common routine to these night you see. Cartman usually thinks up some totally ape-shit idea to try out, we all go crazy, and then the police usually chase us all the way home. Call me crazy, but I kind of like it.
Kyle jumped up from the couch, and rushed to the door, already sweating cows. Cartman let himself in, smirked and then flopped down on the polyester couch as if it were his throne. And for tonight only, he can be king.
Kenny waved to me, and then helped Butters untie his shoe laces. I watched as Butters took a seat on the doormat, and rubbed his knuckles anxiously as Kenny dealt with those hello kitty sneakers. I'll admit that I one hundred and twenty percent approve of what I see.
Ever since Butters started hanging around us more, Kenny has just been a bucket of sunshine. They should be married by now, end of story. The only thing preventing this marriage is the fact that Kenny is so stuck-up, and Butters is completely oblivious.
The two take a seat ahead of me so that Kenny's sprawled out with his legs resting on Butters lap. That poor kid Butters is playing with Kenny's dirty ass socks too. Kyle took a seat next to me on the ground, and I gave his shoulder a light squeeze.
And then, the king speaks.
"Tonight gaiz, we are going to tepee Mr. Garrison's house, then egg Bebes place. Any questions douche bags?" Cartman says this so casually, I have to laugh at his fatass.
Kyle's face is flushed, and Butters looks like he might have the shits. But it doesn't matter, we're doing this shit. Kenny gave a little whoop of approval, and then unzipped his pants. For what reasons, only god knows.
"Bebe is a whore , egging her house is perfect!" Kenny continues, grinning like an idiot.
But the King isn't listening. I doubt anyone really is. It's a proven fact that Kenny had slept with every girl in South Park very - like twice. This comes as no surprise to any of us.
Cartman reached into his red backpack, and unloaded our weapons. I'm surprised to see he actually planned this ahead. But alas, two cartons of eggs and about ten rolls of toilet paper spill from his bag. I steal a quick glance at my super best friend, and I can tell he's impressed.
We gathered around the little wooden coffee table, and made our plan.
"Stan drives."
"Jew boy unloads jewels from the back."
"We all meet at the back of the scrap metal, and unleash our shit."
Kyle kicked Cartman's massive thigh from under the table, and the whole room shakes,"Don't call me that fatass!"
"Suck mah balls Kahl!" and with those parting words, we all piled into my car. I checked the dashboard clock, just as Butters began to sing along to a Brittney Spears song on the radio.
11:14.
I smiled to myself because the night was still young.
Once upon a time I was really depressed. Or as Craig so politely told me one day, "One fucking punk-ass emo." That was a really tough time for me, but the aftermath made everything better. After I got over my whole sad phase, I was a changed person. I saw everything differently. Take tonight for example, a bunch of boys disturbing the peace, and breaking the law. But as I see it, were just having as much fun as possible, and living life to the fullest before we die.
You only have one kick at the can, so why not egg your teacher's house?
It was extremely dark for midnight, and the air is chilly and stale. We all sat in my car, breathing too loudly, right outside the house. Gnomes and ugly flowerbeds taunted us openly, and then finally it was time.
Cartman whipped his side door open, and signalled us with a thrusting motion to take our battle stations. "Get 'er done gaiz!" He bellowed widely, already holding two rolls of toilet paper.
I rushed to the trunk, which Kyle loomed beside with a lop-sided smile on his face. I grabbed the paper, and give him a nudge with my elbow. His green eyes lit up and he whispered "Get her done, Stan."
The Cobra commander had spoken. I aimed my roll directly onto a squatting gnome, decorating the property in white strings.
My senses are going nuts. I hear laughter and dogs barking all around me, and I physically feel the blood coursing through my veins. I take a moment to see what going on around me. Butters has pulled his pink jacket closer to his nose, and was gently placing the toilet paper around the truck of the tree. He skipped merrily around it, still fucking singing Brittney spears.
Kenny is throwing shit up into the dark looming tree, letting it fly from the branches. The white sheets flutter in the wind, dangling in strands. I can't see Kyle or Cartman, but I sure as hell see what happens next.
"Fuck!"
On the second floor of the flat, a light flickered on. That was the sign, that we should book it.
And in ten seconds flat, were fucking out of there.
The egging went pretty well, but everything has to come to an end eventually. One notable plus about the egging was that Bebe herself opened up her window and had gotten hit right in the face. She wasn't egged by any ordinary egg either, more like an egg thrown at 100 miles per hour.
I pranced into Kyle's house, completely high on life.
"Oh hamburgers!" Butters exclaimed, flopping down on an armchair beside the couch. "Is it finally bedtime?" He asked innocently, batting his pale eyelashes.
Kyle nodded happily, his curls just bouncing. "You douches know the drill," he said, waving his hand nonchalantly. "Just don't break anything, I'm warning you!" his voice goes shrill, so we know he's not kidding around.
Kenny winked, and then turned on the TV just as I'm turning away. I followed Kyle slowly up the stairs, because I too know the drill.
Whenever anything happens at Kyle's house, we always sleep together. I don't care what anyone says, cause were not gay or anything. The other dudes always find a place to crash. And it's interesting to say the least to go searching for them in the morning. I remember one time we even found Kenny butt naked in the bathtub.
Kyle quickly throws his orange shirt off, and I watched him uninterested. When he began to unbutton his pants, I laughed, "Before the nights over, I bet I will see each and every one of you naked."
He turned to me and threw his pants into my face, blinding me long enough not to see him naked at all. It's kind of my thing to state how nude we will get every time. It started as a joke, but now that I think about it my predictions are very true.
"Whenever I'm with you, we always get naked anyways," he chuckled, climbing into his cozy bed. I joined him almost instantly.
"Tell me about it!" I say, pulling the cotton blanket up to cover both of us comfortably. "Skinny dipping, streaking, flashing people, naked twister, strip poker, nud-"I find laughter bubbling from my lips before I could finish. I turned on my side, causing the bed to creek in protest. I ignored it and stared at Kyle.
His eyes were shut, and his cheeks are brushed a pink hue. His tiny lips were parted slightly, and his curly red locks are taking over the entire bed.
His sleeping face brings me peace and I kind of like that.
