All right… my first M fic though I've thought about a lot of ideas… Yullen but very dark… I was listening to the song Scream (by Avenged Sevenfold) and with my recent Yullen obsession… I came up with this. This didn't really fit Allen unless he became a Noah… which eventually turned into this wondrous idea. This is the style most of my friends know me for… not the fluffy cheesy stuff of The Lotus and the Rose (Just Breathe). The beginning is Allen's POV then it becomes Kanda's POV, then third person. I'm that twisted girl sitting in a corner writing about people's murders from both their and their murderer's POV. The bolded & italicized stuff is actual lyrics from the song- I used to have all the lyrics but I cut out all of the ones that weren't actual dialogue.
xOx
How could I have known that this would happen? I knew being an exorcist would cause so much suffering but because everyone held together, because everyone was there I felt like we could beat the Earl. Now I wasn't so sure. Walking towards my destination with the new mission in hand I felt like doing a Lavi.
Cross: missing, presumed dead. Tiedoll massacred in front of everyone's eyes at the new headquarters. Klaud insane and in an asylum. Sokaro a killing machine who no longer took pleasure from destroying akuma. With the generals as such, how can we exorcists and finders keep hope? On top of them, Marie had attempted to kill the level 4 who had killed Tiedoll. He died in the process, his blood permanently staining the entry halls. Chaoji had been the one to kill the level 4 before it could relay headquarters' location to the Noah but he was permanently crippled and had lost his Innocence in the process. Timothy has no mentor and knows nothing of Innocence. Miranda and Krory, both fragile, are almost shattered. Bookman too is dead as well as Reever who had been caught in crossfire.
What hurts though is the three I considered closest. Kanda's memory hurts so much I can't even think of his name with finding tears on my face. Then Lenalee was captured, with Kanda's help. She was trying to save him and… who knows how she is now. Without Bookman to keep Lavi on the track of detachment, he had fallen in love with the Chinese exorcist yet he was never able to confess. At her kidnap, Lavi hung himself.
Now, I was on a suicide mission to rescue the other candidate for the Heart.
"Allen, please, please bring back my sister." Komui's once overly-cheerful expression was replaced by a hollow, broken emptiness.
I found firm strong arms wrap around me, looking down, startled, I saw pale gray skin and a lock of long black, almost blue hair brushed my shoulder. That couldn't be… NO! No, no, NO!
vOv
Allen looks so broken. He knows it's me. It must've hurt him to see me, the person he loved turn into a Noah because I was more savage, insane, than him. Being the Fourteenth was a bit fun. And, I could do this.
I love his panicked whispers telling me to stop. His fearful yelps as I blindfold him and drag him away.
I remember doing this before I had changed- dragging Allen into my room, hearing his moans. He hadn't seen the darkness in my eyes a few of the times. I almost regret losing myself, not quite.
Shoving Allen down, I'm amazed at how he winces at my bites but does not struggle. His blood is so sweet, a taste I normally hate, but him, Allen's blood is so delicious.
"Scream for me, you know you want to." He bit down on his lip, turning away.
He looked like he would resume struggling but using a shapeshifting akuma who I'd modified to serve only me was definitely going to keep that from happening.
The chains twisted around his wrists and ankles. Everytime he tried to struggle, the level 2 would shoot him with a tiny, needle-like bullet. Allen's strength was slowly being sapped by constantly using the Innocence to cure the disease. Had he paid more attention, come to save Lenalee earlier, honestly struggled earlier, he might've escaped. But not now.
He had calmed and now he closed his eyes. It was almost more fun when he struggled.
As I leaned down before I started having my true fun, I noticed he unconsciously curled against me. Noahs are still human and my body heat must have been inviting for his body cold from the snow outside. It was ironic. I was a Noah and he was an exorcist but he wanted this. This was disobeying his rules, a bit of freedom in a world where he was held back for everything.
His arms stayed raised and he begged me to stop, again, but without struggling, who was I to believe him?
"Having fun moyashi?" Allen shuddered at the old nickname. Seeing him shiver… so delicious…
"Come on, you should just go ahead and scream. We'll be the only ones to hear. I can even send away my akuma."
Again he shivered as I bit at his throat and fear dominated his eyes.
Then he arched his back, his only response was a smothered moan. He could've asked me to stop earlier; maybe I would've listened and moved right onto the killing. Not now.
I couldn't help smirking. This feeling, just seeing Allen squirm, moan, whisper for me to stop was worth making the Earl pissed off because I hadn't killed enough or an annoyed Tyki and Road.
I slowly peeled off my shirt and watched as his eyes slowly trailed down my chest followed the tattoo, still prominent on the grey of my skin.
"Kanda, please come back… when I had the Fourteenth it hurt. You shouldn't have to deal with that pain. We all want you back, safe, alive."
For some reason his words stung, and I had to hiss out sharp words in an attempt to ease that unexpected reaction, "Shut up." And with a single sharp movement against his bare skin, he let out a cry that any less critical person- who had not heard true screams, let alone his true screams- would consider a scream. I had the experience to know he could do better.
"Scream 'till there's silence
Scream while there's life left, vanishing
Scream from the pleasure, unmask your desire, perishing"
It was ironic. The Church was always preaching on how control was a great virtue. How strength was needed to be harnessed. Yet each and every one of those bastards had lost control before.
Those bastards wanted Exorcists at their peak potential, but restraints kept that from happening. I was their dog for too long. So I changed. That's why I was here now, and it was worth it.
The part of me that is still the Exorcist who honestly loves this writhing naïve boy, wants to believe that somehow my Noah self isn't right, that the church wasn't using the Exorcists for their own selfish reasons, but I knew that wasn't true. I was created to be the ideal exorcist; I would know.
I'll hunt again. I hunted the akuma before, now I hunt the Exorcists, Allen in particular. I had hunted him, and now he was finally caught.
"You know I make you wanna scream
You know I make you wanna run from me baby
But no, it's too late you've wasted all your time"
Moans, panting, grunting, gasps- each sound and the feeling they accompanied were all so wonderful.
He shook, and I knew I would've stopped if he had asked, but I could tell he didn't want mercy or kindness from a comrade turned traitorous enemy like me.
"Scream until neither of us can hear. Scream for me Allen. Scream."
Now I decided to bring out the shattering news, "You came to find Lenalee right? Scream then. She complied. So why don't you scream then? If you scream better than she did I might even let you follow her in a more painless way. You won't have to visit Tyki or Road. She screamed quite nicely so I sent her to meet Tiedoll, Marie, and Daisya pretty early." I could see the horror on his face. "So scream."
"You wanted this before, why don't you show it?" It was annoying, he obviously had some degree of pleasure in this, yet he wouldn't show it. He was dying, his arm draining his strength constantly to become a weapon. This process wasn't helping. And yet, though his life was rapidly falling away, he would not scream damnit, he would not scream!
"Some live repressing their instinctive feelings
Protest the way we're built, don't point the blame on me
This is human nature Allen, humans are not worth protecting."
"Scream, scream, scream the way you would if I ravaged your body"
I absently realized that I was ravaging his body. And yet he didn't scream.
"Scream, scream, scream the way you would if I ravaged your mind"
His wrists found the akuma-chain gone and his trembling arms wrapped around my neck softly. Gently he used his minimal strength to pull himself upwards and he pressed his lips to mine.
His body curved upwards, pressing against mine, hiding the tattoo and I tipped my head forward, letting my long hair shield our faces from the nonexistent eyes around us.
Allen gave a shudder and finally he screamed, his voice piercing through every part of my being- loud, sharp, clear, and dominating the air of the small room.
His scream was long, drawn out, his grip loosening from around my neck, every bit of strength he had left seemed to pour into that scream as if that was the last sound he would ever make.
His scream was of pain, of pleasure, every memory and emotion he had ever experienced filling the sound with emotion.
Allen looked softly up into my eyes and those silver pools shone with forgiveness and love. "Kanda…" he whispered and his voice slowly faded as his eyes slid shut.
What have I done? Insanity filled was always a part of me but, this madness that came with the Fourteenth. It had caused me to kill the one person I ever truly loved.
I had taken the Fourteenth for Allen because I had thought I could control it and save him from all the suffering and confusion. I thought I could keep Allen pure, yet I lost control.
How had he dealt with the insanity and confusion of being loved for a part of him he didn't want? How had he dealt with the insanity that the Noah was constantly delving into?
'I'll hunt again one night, again one night'
"Shut UP!" The Noah wants to keep hunting, keep killing keeping ruining lives.
That… won't happen. This insanity and suffering will not happen. Allen will not die in vain.
"This, Noah, is your last victim. You're not going to hunt ever again."
vOv
The world watched in silence. If there was a God he did not intervene nor did he help the fallen Exorcist complete his last task.
Kanda Yuu, Second Exorcist, lover of Allen Walker, leaned down, brushing his lips against those of the corpse beneath him. He lay down next to the now cold body, curling himself around the small figure, and he drove Mugen, kept as a trophy by the Fourteenth, into his chest. Kanda did not convulse, simply whispered three words to the corpse beside him- "I love you," and as an afterthought, his voice fading as Allen's had- "Rest in peace".
xOx
Author's Note:
Wow… I finished my first M rated story… dark, no? Maybe I should change the rating… it's only implied rape…
Anyways, tell me what you think. Love it, hate it? Did it scare you? Did it make you cry? Or are you sadistic like me and did you derive intense enjoyment from that? Not that it didn't scare me… In fact, reading it over now, I am (again) struck by how twisted I am… If you liked my cheesy stuff… sorry 'bout changing with this style. Anyone feel like beta-ing? Or reviewing? Or favoriting? Or anything?
