"If I broke open your skull, what would I see inside? What would I see if I cracked open your chest? You humans say the words so easily. Just like - Oh. I get it. This is it. This here in my hand. The heart."

I don't believe that humans have hearts. No. They might have that pulsing chunk of muscle in their chest, but they don't have "a heart." They don't have feelings. At least, they don't have feelings like Arrancar do. And especially not like Espada.

I believe that you have to fall far enough to realize that you're twenty feet under to truly feel. I believe that you have to stare reality in the face to feel.

And I believe that wanting something is just as much feeling as love is.

Grimmjow made me feel like no other. And, involuntarily, he entrusted me with his heart, his feelings. Everything. He gave them to me so that I could keep him safe. I gave him mine. A heart for a heart. And I remember it all.

The first time I met him, he was reluctant and snappy towards me. He was like that to everybody.

And then.

He caught me one time while I watched him sleeping in his room, and he said my name - Ulquiorra - and smiled. His smile, his madness, his involuntary beauty - all of those things and more drove me over the edge of unfeeling into feeling. That was when I knew I was truly twenty feet under. That was when I truly felt. That was when I felt a sweet euphoric rush of want, love, lust, and just pure desire whispering down my veins. I'd never felt like that as a human. No woman had ever made me feel like that...but somehow, somehow, Grimmjow reached into my chest and cracked open the hard shell of my heart and spilled the contents out to see. And I let him. Because I trusted. I'd never trusted before.

And when Ichigo came, I drew him away from Grimmjow. I knew this would make him mad, and frankly, I didn't really care. Because I wanted him to stay safe. Because he was beautiful. Because I wanted to have more nights. Nights of us. Nights of the two of us curled up together underneath cotton sheets, eyes closed and breathing soft, totally at ease with each other. I wanted more of those because I was selfish. And I wanted that.

Of course, Ichigo fought him, too. Of course he would. But he wasn't killed, and I was glad for that. Utterly glad.

I drew Ichigo back into battle again, and this time, somehow, I knew I would lose. Knew I would die.

I stood there fading away, reaching out to the girl. The girl. In my hand, I held Grimmjow's heart. She couldn't see it, but there it was, held in my hand. His emotions, his thoughts, his memories. Everything that he ever was. The girl didn't take it.

And I smiled quietly.

I'm selfish. Do you know that? I tried to give his heart to her so that she could give it back to him one day. But, deep inside, I had never wanted to give it to her in the first place. I wanted to keep it. I wanted to keep it for all eternity so I could watch the paradox of his life unfold. And I got my wish.

I lived. I felt. I got my wish.


Grimmjow put down the brush and tossed sand across the characters so that they wouldn't wear away. He picked up the piece of parchment and read it, pausing over the words 'Because I trusted.'

Then he quietly got up, pulled out a book from underneath his bed, and tucked the piece of parchment inside.

Then, on a whim, he flipped to the very back of the book. The book with the blank pages. The book he had found in Ulquiorra's room before Aizen had cleaned it out. The book that was proof that Ulquiorra had ever existed.

Inscribed on the back cover of the book, words that he was sure he had never written before, were three sloppy characters that looked as if Ulquiorra had done it while half-asleep.

"And I love."