JUST A LOVELY IDEA I HAD. IT'S INTENDED TO BE A CRACKFIC, SO I HOPE NO ONE TAKES OFFENSE. ALSO, DON'T TAKE THIS THING TOO SERIOUSLY, IT'S JUST FOR FUN.
DON'T OWN ONCE UPON A TIME. IF ONLY…
The sky is lit up like fireworks. That's how it's been for the past few days since Rumplestiltskin brought magic to Storybrooke. He and Regina have been going at it. Between the fireballs and lightning and icicles, no one felt safe enough to leave the shelter of their homes. Belle had tried yesterday to talk Rumplestiltskin down, but that had only fueled his anger. No one bothered with Regina, and that seemed to do more harm than good as well. As Emma glances out the window for the hundredth time, she winces as yet another building goes up in flames.
"Well, ever since I broke the curse, I had been wondering how long it would be before they started nuking each other." She says to no one in particular. "And it took them five minutes. Five minutes."
"What's Regina so mad about anyway?" James asks, placing a dish in the cabinet.
"Mad is the understatement of the century." Emma unceremoniously flops onto the couch next to Henry, who rolls his eyes.
"It's simple. He instigated the curse breaking. If you're wondering why he's so mad, it's cause Regina kept his true love locked up for a long time."
"There must be some way to stop them." She says, and James laughs.
"Emma, really?"
"Actually, Charming, it's not that surprising." Snow waltzes in. "She tried shooting a dragon."
"Who tries to shoot a dragon?"
"Uh, me." Emma says. The ground shakes. She gets up again. "God, it's worse than Hiroshima out there."
"Worse than what?" James wears a bewildered expression.
"Right, real-world reference, never mind." A fireball hurtles past the window. "Too close!"
"That's it, I'm going to stop them." James picks up his sword and heads to the door.
"With a sharpened piece of metal? Yeah right." Emma scoffs. "They'll just melt it."
"Actually, I was going to use my charming-ness and good looks, but you do have a point." He sighs.
"What are we going to do, what are we going to do?" Snow asks nervously, biting her fingernails and then curling up into the fetal position on the floor.
"We could throw ice cubes at them." Emma suggests. As if to mock her idea, a monster icicle crashes through the wall.
"Not my new TV!" James exclaims before bawling.
"I have an idea." Henry looks up from his book. "We could just ask them to stop."
"Great idea!" They all agree and hop up. Somehow they make it to the battlefield that used to be the clock tower.
"Hey guys!" The boy yells. "Please stop? You're destroying everything." For the moment Regina and Rumple drop their hands.
"I made pie." Snow smiles sweetly, holding up a freshly baked apple pie.
"I do love pie." Rumplestiltskin says. "Let's go, Dearie." He loops his arm through Regina's. Together, they skip off in the sunset.
AGAIN, THIS IS OBVIOUSLY JUST A CRACK FIC. ANY FEEDBACK IS APPRECIATED.
