Duke Nukem Forever
Chapter 1
Author's Note: This story was originally written in 2006 and is admittedly not very good. I'm uploading it chapter by chapter, as opposed to all at once. 5 years later, I'm actually quite ashamed of this story, but I'm uploading it anyway for your amusement.
It was a normal day at the Improbable Mission Facility, and Duke Nukem, the ultimate alien ass kicker, was relaxing surrounded by babes and drinking beer. Suddenly, a section of the ceiling exploded and five Pig Cops rappelled in. Several IMF agents attempted to attack the Pig Cops, but were all blown away by the Pig Cops' shotguns in a matter of seconds. Annoyed by the attack, Duke uttered, "it's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum," and then reached into his pocket. "And I'm all out of gum," he said as he pulled out an empty pack of gum. He grabbed one of the pig cops by the tusks and snapped its neck. Picking up the dead pig cop's shotgun, Duke quickly killed the other four pig cops. "When will those alien bastards learn?" said Duke. Suddenly, a squadron of Assault Troopers entered through the hole in the ceiling and began shooting. One of them hit one of Duke's babes with a stray bullet. The babe immediately crumpled to the floor in a pool of her own blood. This act caused Duke to give the aliens his full attention. "No one messes with our chicks and lives." He shot the assault trooper in the face point blank with his shotgun. The assault trooper was blasted backwards, as bits of its face, brains, and skull went flying in the other direction. Another assault trooper was attempting to shoot Duke from above while flying with a jetpack. Duke picked up the dead assault trooper's pistol, and shot the flying assault trooper's jetpack, causing it to malfunction and send the trooper flying straight into a laser tripwire, which blew it to bits.
