I was inspired to write this story after I heard "Losing my Religion" by Lacuna Coil. I feel like Liono and Tygra are destined to always have true happiness, but they didn't start out with happiness, they had to earn it, and this story, is the incarnation of that concept. Eight letters to save a life.


Why does everything have to turn out this way? This cliff, watching the sunset alone; I thought I was past all of this. There's nothing for me in the city below, and sometimes I really believe that falling into the city from up here would make me better off than walking back down there like I do every other time. I've fallen into the same depressing routine. Class in the morning with Father, followed by a lesson in etiquette with Jaga, followed by training with one of the instructors at the barracks.

And here I thought being a Prince would be fun at least part of the time. I don't do the things I normally do anymore. Ever since my Father found out that I had been sneaking away into the city when I skipped my lessons, he decided to fill my schedule with even more worthless things to keep me so occupied that I wouldn't have the chance to slip out of the Palace.

The sun was making its final wave to Thundaria, the last glints of yellow and orange cascading over the horizon and making the people looking know that night was mere moments away. I closed my eyes when the brilliance left the sky, leaving only the stars above to flicker on and contrast against the dark sky. I could never get comfortable up here, none of the trees I visited would ever let me be at peace for even the slightest moment. It's like they obeyed my Father as well, never giving me a moment to relax.

Speaking of never giving me a moment to relax, the familiar crunches of grass under feet came up behind me, followed by silence. I knew perfectly well who was standing on the other side of the tree. The Tiger had made a habit of keeping an eye on me recently, most likely at Father's request.

He coughed to get my attention, and at first I ignored him. But when he called "Liono," I knew he wouldn't' be entertained by my apathy for long. He came around the tree and stared down at me, a frown covering his lips as his eyebrows raised in an expression that seemed to mimic worry. He had gotten better at his acting skills; then again he did go to all of his classes.

Sighing, I finally got up and walked around the other side to slump my way down the path. He called after me again, and I stopped long enough to look at him, the face I wore nowadays seeming to unnerve him a little. I knew that it agitated him to see me so mellow, so transient. He had asked me on more than one occasion if everything was alright, but he would only ever receive the same answer from me.

He knew of course, that behind every "I'm okay," that there was something else entirely. There was a darkness that had overcome me recently. I rarely felt anything anymore, the constant pressure put on me by both my Father and Thundaria had killed off all the nerves I had. I had already collapsed under the weight, and it seemed that Tygra was the only one who noticed just how broken I was becoming.

When he didn't say anything more, I turned to continue my drudging, sliding soundlessly along the Earth, my breath's unnoticed on the wind, my eyes blending into the blackness above. I had lost everything that gave me color. There was no more fun, no more passion. All that existed in this shell anymore was only sorrow, and depression. How could my Father have such high expectations for me, how could I be put under so much strain. I can understand that a Prince has duties, but he should also be able to make his own priorities. When you are given your objectives for life and forced to abide that list; guards and clerics accompanying you everywhere to make sure you are doing what you are supposed to.

There was no more time for myself, these little expeditions at night were the last little bit of the old me I clung to like a child with a blanket. I wished that everything could go back to the way they were before. I longed to have myself back, but I wasn't listening when I called my own name. I couldn't find where I left myself, and it seemed I had fallen into a pit with no chance of escape.

Whereas I was soundless now, Tygra's footsteps could be clearly heard, each tentative grind of his feet on the dirt coming loud over the swish of the breeze. I had a mind to tell him to leave me alone, but that would have been stupid. We are both going to the same place anyways. He would always come find me, and take me straight to my Father, who would always yell and nag me for sneaking out. That was often followed by me being locked in my room the next day, all of my lessons occurring there instead of their appropriate room in the palace.

I knew my routine now, and had gotten clever enough to know that nothing is going to change now. I was forced into this, and forced to stay here. Even as I stalked up the steps to the Palace door, I felt no fear like I used to when I had been caught. I felt nothing anymore, remember?

Even before he would tell me, I began walking in the opposite direction of my room, the all-too-familiar hallway which led to the throne room well worn after having been walked on by this one particular Lion so much. Tygra called for me again, but I ignored him, my hand already pressed to the hard wood, giving it a gentle push to slid it along the carpet. I kept my head down as I walked along the floor, the candles that had been lit were too bright for me.

I could hear the deep breaths of the man sitting in the large chair on the opposite end of the room, and kneeled in the customary fashion before him. I waited for him to start yelling, trying to take in as much of the silence as I could before It was broken by a monstrous and overpowering voice. Instead of a booming yell, however, I was only met with "Liono, what's wrong?"

"You called for me?" He knew perfectly well what was wrong. Everything I did nowadays was wrong to him.

"I don't remember doing such." If he hadn't called for me, then why did Tygra come to get me tonight? I could have stayed there a little longer, and sighed deeply. If I hadn't of spoken, you wouldn't even know I was there, and when I left, no one would ever know I had been there. I turned to walk out, if Father had no business with me tonight, then I wouldn't make him have any. He called for me again, receiving my sigh as I turned back around to stand facing the chair.

"What is the matter Liono?" As far as he was concerned, nothing was the matter, everything was perfectly fine as he wanted it. As far as I was concerned, however, was another matter I'm sure he had no patience for.

"Nothing Father, I thought I heard you summon me." He had gotten up from his throne and walked towards me now. The fear I thought lost sparked a little, and I hoped, for once, that he didn't ask to see my face, if he did, then our situation would move from "no business" into "immediate business."

Knowing how terrible my luck was though, I wasn't even surprised when he asked me to look at him. I raised my head slowly, and even before he could see all of it, I saw his eyes visibly widen and twitch. He could see how red and puffy my own were, he could see the dark bags underneath, each shade of purple attributed to a night of sleeplessness. If he wasn't looking at either of those traits I wore now, then I'm sure he must have been looking at how listless my eyes had become. The old turquoise irises I was always complemented on were traded in for opaque lenses the color of rotted moss.

"What happened to you?" I couldn't resist narrowing my eyes at him. How I would have reveled in telling him that he was what happened to me. I was past such a rebellious stage though, and simply told him that I had fallen into some ivy in the garden. He looked all but amused by the answer.

When he said nothing, I turned again to leave, and this time, he did not stop me. My head fell back down when I had entered the hallway, but the heat of those crimson eyes on my back lingered still. Tygra was still standing outside the door, but otherwise said nothing either.

I couldn't tell if he had went inside the room behind me or just closed the door. My answer came when I heard him address Father as such and ask him for a moment to talk about me. Of course Father had time for his favorite son, even if that son was adopted. I felt my interest perk for the first time in weeks, and halted my steps in the hallway, turning my head so my ear was facing the door. Their muffled voices were a strain to hear, and I had already moved back to the door before I realized what I was doing.

"Father, you saw Liono, there is something obviously wrong with him."

"That goes without saying Tygra, but do you know what is the matter?"

"Do you believe he'd tell me if I asked, you know how feels about me."

"Certainly not how you feel about him."

"Father, please, now is not the time for that conversation. Liono isn't well, and we should be concerning ourselves with how to help him at the moment."

"I agree, but what do you suggest we do if he will tell us nothing?"

"I have no idea, but I believe that part of the problem is his schedule."

"His schedule is such because he can't be trusted to attend his lessons when he has time to avoid them."

"At least when Liono had that time he felt better."

"I will not let Liono grow up into a lazy King who shirks his responsibilities."

"But you're letting him grow up to become a depressed king who would lead his people to grave along with himself."

"You watch your tone boy."

"If this is how I can help Liono then I will do what is necessary, and if It means objecting to how you are treating him then I will do so. You are chaining him too tightly to the Throne, he can't breathe under all of this pressure you continue to pile onto him."

"Now see here…"

"No! I know that this is part of the problem, why can't you understand that all he needs is some time to himself now and then. I admit that he can be reckless and wild when left to his own devices, but can you tell me that you do not prefer that version of him over this one?"

"…"

"Father, please, loosen the reins a little, if for me if not even for your real son."

"How bold of you to speak to me as such. Perhaps I will consider. It's a shame that Liono will never know how much you truly care for him."

"It is as I have asked for it to be. If he knew that I loved him then…"

"Don't you think you'd be better off getting that burden off your chest Tygra, don't you think Liono has a right to know?"

"I'm almost certain that he isn't interested Father, I don't want to confuse him, it'd only be another stress he'd have to deal with, it'd be counterproductive to what I'm trying to achieve."

"And what would that be?"

"I'm trying to make his life as easy as possible, he deserves better than how he's treated now, and Ive been doing my best to help him. But he just, doesn't want anything to do with me."

"Then perhaps your heart is misplaced."

"No, my heart is in the right place, as long as it's in Liono's hands, I will be happy. Sometimes though, I wish I could hold his, if only for a moment."

W-What…? I couldn't believe this, out of everything I knew about the Tiger, never once had I noticed this side of him. How long had he felt this way, I couldn't focus enough to think about it. I caught up to reality just as I head feet coming back toward the door. Tygra was bidding Father a good night, and the words were returned. I had to turn on my heels and sprint down the hall, as quietly as I could. I wasn't going to make it to the corner, so I slowed myself down and noticed a mirror along this side of the hallway.

I looked into it to make it seem as though I had become preoccupied with my reflection. In a sense I had; my eyes had a glimmer again, I hadn't seen them like this in so long, I wasn't even sure that it wasn't just a trick of the dim light cast from the sconces. I picked up a gasp in the air, and turned slightly to see Tygra and Father both standing at the door, their eyes wide and staring straight at me.

"Liono?" Tygra called out to me, and I moved my eyes to look at him. I hummed a "hmm" at him, and he opened his mouth, the closed it, finally opening it again and asking me how long I had been there.

"Too long, or perhaps long enough." I could see his eyes grow, and saw Father cross his arms and speak to me as well.

"You know about eavesdropping Liono…"

"You know about giving someone enough time to walk away." His eyes narrowed as they met mine, it felt nice to talk back to him again. I hadn't done it in so long, I felt a temporary thrill run up my spine. It broke some of the sadness off of my back and I felt relived, if only slightly. I sighed though when nothing else was said. With nothing to keep me thrilled, the weight I had broken off was easily replaced, and I slouched when it came back.

It didn't matter to me whether they had anything else to say or not, I felt tired for once, and only wanted the lightless space which was my room. I just wanted to meld into the shadows and sleep the pain away, I had been holding it in all day, I needed to let it out now, but I couldn't do it here.

Even when I heard both of them call for me to stop, I kept moving, my legs dragging on the carpet and making hideously shuffling sounds as I walked along the halls to the room at the farthest end of the palace, the room in the very back, my room. I thought I heard a cracking sound coming from somewhere in the palace, followed by several thumps of feet on the floor, they seemed to get closer, but when I turned, I didn't see anything, just the empty hallway behind me.

I got to my room, shrugging off the noise as probably a servant up going to the bathroom or something like that. It wasn't completely believable, but I was too tired to come up with anything better. I couldn't even close the door right. I was so sure I heard it click behind me, but when I heard it swing open, I sighed in frustration and closed it again, this time making sure it was closed and locking it.

I leaned my back against the wood. This was the only real time I was ever alone. This was the only time I could do what I want; what I wanted most right now, was to relieve some of the pain. My escape was sitting on my dressing table, the small bottle corked temptingly. I moved over to it, unable to wait any longer, picking up the small clear vial and pulling the cork off, inhaling the herbal aroma coming from inside. But as I lifted the bottle to my lips, I found myself struggling to hold onto it. It felt like there was something pulling my arm away.

I relaxed my arm, and the pressure was gone. Every time I tried to lift the bottle again though, it was there. I had no idea what it was, but whenever I tried touching the pressure on my arm, it mysteriously vanished. Regardless, it was becoming a chore to take my medicine, and as much I wanted the mindless euphoria it gave me, it wasn't worth this strain.

I sighed disappointedly and set the bottle back down, tossing the cork after it and sitting on the stool in front of the mirror. My eyes had lost the glimmer I saw in the hallway. I saw it right after Tygra and Father's dialogue. I wondered about whether the Tiger really meant those things he said. I shook the thought from my mind. "If he was really trying to make my life easy, then things would have already changed, he is father's favorite after all."

If I couldn't have my medicine to help me get through all of this new stress, then there was always a more reliable aid I kept on hand. The shiny metal sat at the top of the drawer as I opened it, fingering the edge of the object like a lover as I grabbed it and set it in front of me. I found out how effective this way was at reliving pain a while ago, at first by accident, but the results weren't to be argued with once I figured out how to do this the right way.

Gripping the bottom of my shirt, I pulled it off, letting it drop to the floor and eyeing myself in the mirror. The small muscles I maintained were barely noticeable, and you couldn't even see half of them, you'd have to touch them to even know they were there. What you could see though, were the little lines I had scratched into my side, some short, some long, and going every direction. I hesitated a moment to look at them myself, bending my head down and lifting my arm to get a good look at just what I had done. I could have sworn I felt something extremely light brush against the marks, but attributed it to some draft I figured was in here.

It felt good while I was dragging the blade across the skin, it stung when I was done, and felt fine after I had laid down for awhile. I subconsciously reached my hand out to pick up the knife from the table, but I couldn't feel it. I looked back up and I couldn't see it either. I knew I had set it down there, and looked around for it. I checked my feet in case it fell, but it was not there.

This was not right. I checked the drawer to make sure I hadn't imagined taking the knife out, but it wasn't in there either. I got up and walked around, first the medicine, and that touch, now the knife, this was not coincidence. I remembered the door as well, and before that the sounds I heard. Even though I was tired beyond belief, It was no trouble piecing together something that sounded believable enough.

"Tygra?" I didn't receive an answer, of course I wouldn't, it's naïve to believe that you'll get a response out of someone if they are stalking you. I walked around the room with my hands out, trying to grab who I thought was in here with me. I couldn't find anything at all, the semi-darkness already making it difficult to see.

The moon shining through the window was no help either, and as I wandered aimlessly, I realized that I was probably hallucinating everything. My eyes were burning and their lids felt as heavy as iron plates. I shook my head to clear the fog I thought I saw creeping in my periphery and looked around. There was nothing here, I was just imagining everything. I sighed and sat on the edge of my bed.

To think, I had fallen to low as to make myself believe I had company after so long. I was alone, I was too alone, and I could feel it working its way up tonight. The tears shed from my eyes in little streams, running down my cheek and dripping onto my pants. I was a sorry excuse for a Prince, I didn't deserve this, all I wanted was to be happy, but it seemed like I couldn't balance everything like I needed to make it work.

"Why is this so hard?" I crawled into bed, hoping I wasn't hallucinating this time, and sighing through my tears when I felt the sheets against my back as I lay there, eyes running and shirtless. It was cold this time of year, but the chill already existed inside me, so there was no use trying to hide from it under the covers.

When I felt calm enough to finally try and get to sleep, I turned onto my side and curled up into a ball. I wasn't sure why I decided to do this, but it felt right, and it made me feel comfortable. I missed feeling those things these days, and I took them as gifts whenever I was lucky enough to have them.

I drifted faster than I normally would have, the room warmed up a little, but it was still chilly. I knew I wouldn't be able to leave this room if I got sick, and I reached my arm back to grab a blanket I kept on top of the covers whenever I needed a quick nap but didn't want to get all the way in bed. Before I was sure I grabbed it, I felt it laid over me gently and pulled up to my neck. I looked around the room one more time. I was so sure there was someone in here, my arm was still stretched out behind me, but after everything else that had happened tonight, I wouldn't be surprised if this was just a dream right now.

I didn't realize just how much I had understated my tiredness, when after I closed my eyes and laid my head against the pillow again, I passed out completely. As I fell deeper into sleep, only a small portion of my consciousness floated on the surface, and I could have sworn, that back in reality, I heard "I love you," carried on the air in the room. Three words, eight letter, that I wasn't sure I actually heard rather than just heard in my head. Whether I did hear them or not, I felt warm, like the chill of the night couldn't reach me now.