OMG that finale was the shit and then some. I didn't want it to end, but COME ON SVU - you can't just throw us a little Barson bone. But that one word - disenchanted - the way Raul and Mariska played it... I can't even. Trust me. I went back and watched just that moment like 10-15 times this afternoon. So I'm taking that moment and running with it.

I have no idea where this is going, but I know I need to just write. So write I shall. We have a long ass summer in front of us. Angst, thy name is Barson.


The Samra case. The fire bomb in Harlem. It had been two weeks of non-stop work and chaos and a city on the edge. The mayor was begging everyone to keep their heads. Church leaders were meeting to try to come to a peace. She had been hauled all around the city with, and at times, on behalf of Dodds. It felt like there was some kind of lull finally starting to take root. It had been 36 hours since anything of note had happened and had given them all a chance to breathe. She dropped her glasses on her desk and rubbed her eyes, exhausted. She looked up at her empty door and realized something else.

"Are you upset with me?
"No."
"Disenchanted?"

It had been two weeks since he had… been here. Sure. He had been in the squad room, working with her team. But he had also been pulled off in all directions, working just like she had been. Trying to help find and institute some peace and order in the city they both loved. But that night… Dodds had given them the news and then all of their phones blew up and suddenly it was two weeks later and she could feel he was just… missing… from her space. She couldn't look at him when he asked if she was upset with him. Far from it. She was struggling to battle with what was happening in her head and in her heart when it came to him. To what she felt for him. Toward him. About him. His win at all costs bravado made him so frustrating at times and she could get so mad at him. But he never once made her feel less than anything for doing what she felt was right. For doing the right thing. They still got their outcome. They still got their win. And she thought maybe she needed some distance. Some time. Till he gave it to her, meaning to or not. He pulled back. He pulled away. There had been no sidebars or drinks at Forlini's or dinner in his office. There had been plenty of opportunity but she realized, in that moment, that he always found a reason to move on. To not extend the invitation. She thought back to a moment last week where it had just been them. His phone rang and he answered and everyone had filed out one by one till the only one left in the room was her. He hung up the phone and looked around before he landed on her. And she remembered how he smiled at her and then pulled back, pulled away, bid her goodbye and sat down, eyes on his work in front of him. She stared at him, hard. Willing him to look back at her, but he never did. She remembered how she felt that night as she turned off her light to go to sleep. She felt sad. And her heart hurt a little bit.

She gazed at that spot where he hadn't stood in two weeks. It seemed larger without him there, filling her door. She bit her lip, thinking. She grabbed her phone and dialed the number. Carmen answered, saying yes, he was there and he seemed to be hunkering down for the night.


By the time she got over to his office, most people had cleared out for the day. The setting sun came in through windows through the building, but it was quiet. A serene environment. She watched him for a moment through the blinds. He sat there, scribbling away, alternating between writing and reading. Fast on both parts. But it somehow all came together for him. He made it all come together for them. For her and her team and the victims and all the people they fought for. How she could have ever given him the thought that she was disenchanted by him, but this… thing. Because it was becoming a thing. Not that anything of note had happened, but they were spending more time together. Drinks. Dinner. Coffee. Walks during the day. On more than one occasion he had seen her all the way home. Had even come up for pizza one night. They were tentative, but moving in a direction of hope. Till the Samra case. Till she followed her heart and contradicted Maya's story. She saw the slight smile he gave, like he knew she would do this thing, even if it made the case harder for him. The different sides of this very blurry line they found themselves on had created a tension. The path they had been on seemed to have suddenly disappeared and she didn't know what to do. So, she hid. She turned him down, but instead of walking away, he pushed her. And it might have gone farther had Dodds not walked in and all hell broke loose. And now they were two weeks later down the road and she felt farther away from him right in this moment than she had in a very long time.

She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. She banged on his door frame, like he had done two short weeks ago. He looked up and gave her a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. She felt like someone had punched her in the gut.

"You need something, Liv?"

"No. Yes. Maybe."

He put his pen down and crossed his hands on his desk. "Liv?"

"How about I buy you a drink for once?" He looked down at his hands and she pressed her lips together, keeping every thought she had in her head from falling out of her mouth.

"I would love to, Liv, but I'm finally making some headway in all this paperwork that has piled up over the last few weeks so I really need to…" he trailed off, still not looking at her. Her heart dropped as he sighed and picked his pen back up.

"Barba." He froze but still didn't look at her. "Barba, please." Still nothing. "Rafael." That did the trick. His eyes shot up to hers and she realized this was the first time they were really looking at each other in two weeks. It felt like forever at this point.

"Liv, I swear I just… can we raincheck that? I really do have so much stuff that fell by the wayside during this mess of the last couple of weeks." She just nodded, knowing she had a similar stack sitting on her desk.

"You just… you seem to be the one… disenchanted right now" she said as she started to turn to go.

"Never" she heard from behind her. She wanted more than anything to turn and look at him again, but the tears in her eyes kept her from doing that very thing. She waved a goodbye over her shoulder and left, feeling his eyes on her till he could no longer see her.