Hey everybody! It's me again; I'm finally back form the long hiatus. I finally had a new story idea. Actually, I had a new character idea, and she demanded that she be used in a fanfiction. Who am I to say no? Besides, if I had, my muse would probably run away again… Anyway, I've been reading House fanfics lately, especially the ones that have H/W pairings… Normally, I don't go for the bisexual relationships for reading material, but House and Wilson are just too cute. I have nothing against homosexuals or bisexuals. However, I do have House and Wilson as a civil union couple in this story. Amber never happened. I will warn you now; I don't like Cameron or Cuddy. Also, I believe I will be placing this story in season 3, just after the Half-Wit episode. Tritter never happened either, but then, House's vicodin addiction didn't get so bad that he OD'd. Huzzah for Wilson Love Power!
Disclaimer: House and subsequent characters are the property of David Shore and the actors/actresses who play said characters. The only things I own are the plot, my OFC Sonya Light, and a bag of Funyuns that I'm about to devour.
House was in the middle of a differential diagnosis with his ducklings as Wilson came rushing into the conference room.
"Did Cuddy try to ask you out again?" he asked, annoyed.
Wilson shook his head, somewhat distractedly. He walked over to the window "No. That new pathologist is supposed to be arriving today, remember?"
House levered himself up onto his feet and joined his best friend and lover at the window. "Oh, yeah, I'd forgotten all about that. Did anyone find out who it was? Or has Cuddy managed to keep it a secret?"
Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital had been abuzz with news and gossip about the new pathologist all month. The only definitive information House and Wilson were able to glean from the rumor-mill was that the pathologist was the top of their field throughout the country, they specialized in speech-language and audiology, and they were supposed to arrive today. Only Cuddy knew who it was, and she wasn't talking. She wouldn't even tell Wilson after he swore he wouldn't tell House. The new pathologist was a huge mystery. They didn't even know if the doctor was male or female, for crying out loud!
After a minute or two, House went back to the diagnosis with his team, leaving Wilson at the window. He knew his younger lover would let him know when the elusive fresh meat showed up. About five minutes later, just as House was about to send the kiddies away to run some tests, Wilson gave a small cry.
"Hey, House! Check it out!"
"What, your tight ass? I do that enough at our apartment."
Wilson rolled his eyes, but kept looking out the window. "Not that. There's a General Lee pulling into the parking lot!"
House blinked before hurrying over to stand beside Wilson once more. He knew that Wilson loved the old Dukes of Hazzard show, so of course he could identify a General Lee. "Can you tell who's driving?"
Wilson shook his head. "No, but they should be getting out in a minute. Do you think the driver is the new pathologist?"
House shrugged. "Who else would it be? I don't think Cuddy's hired any male escorts lately. I know I haven't. Did you?" After Wilson just grunted in annoyance, House continued. "Of course it's the new pathologist. Ooh, looky!"
They watched the car door open, nearly squirming in anticipation. They saw a high-heeled boot touch the pavement and were startled to realize that the new doctor was a woman! Just as they were about to see her face, both their pagers went off, startling them. As they looked down, they noticed that the kiddies had gone to do the tests House was going to assign them. After cursing out the technology hanging from their hips, they glanced out the window to see that the woman was already in the building. They cursed their pagers again and went to deal whatever crisis had cropped up. They would seek out the new doctor later.
Sonya pulled into the parking lot at half-past nine, cursing the traffic in New Jersey. She made sure her make-up was still fine and her hair wasn't mussed up too badly before glancing up at the hospital through the windshield. She saw several people standing at the windows, but could only identify two of them. She grinned and called Cuddy.
"Hey, Cuddy-love, I'm here, and I'll be in your office in a minute."
"You're over half an hour late! How are you supposed to run yo-"
Sonya grinned as she hung up on her new boss. Cuddy couldn't fire her for two reasons: Sonya had tenure, and the money the hospital had two stipulations that Cuddy had to keep or risk losing all of it. The stipulations were that Cuddy was to never try and find out who had donated the money, and that Sonya Light was to be given a department head job. It helped that it was Sonya herself who had given the money that Cuddy was trying to keep… She opened the car door and set a foot on the ground while looking up at the two faces she had recognized. As soon as she saw them glance down at their hips she took off running for the doors, laughter trailing behind her, scaring some of the people going through the doors.
She burst into Lisa Cuddy's office. Actually, she was very quiet and stealthy about it; perhaps that's why Cuddy nearly had a heart attack five minutes later when she looked up, wondering where her new doctor was.
"Holy Hell!" she screeched over Sonya's laughter. "Damn it, Light! How long have you been standing there?"
Sonya made a big production out of looking at the watch on her wrist. "Oh, only about five minutes or so. Why do you ask?" She giggled at the resigned, yet pissed off look on Cuddy's face. "Calm down, Boss Lady! If you're not careful, you'll really have a heart attack from the high blood pressure. So, where's my office?"
Cuddy rolled her eyes and muttered something along the lines of "Great, not another House. This hospital can barely handle one as it is…" She refocused on the woman in front of her desk. "Take the elevator to the third floor. Upon exiting, turn left. Your office will be the one across from Dr. House. That was the only open office left that was large enough for your department, so if you have complaints about your neighbors, sorry, but there's nothing I can do. Also, you have weekly clinic duty hours to fulfill, please don't skip out on them for years at a time. Any questions?"
"…I'll ignore the comment you mumbled under your breath. Do I have any questions? Yeah. Just one: Where are Drs. House and Wilson right now?"
Cuddy looked a bit taken aback at that. That soon turned to suspicion. "And why exactly do you want to know that?"
Light just gave her boss a 'look.' "I want to try and convince them to have a threesome with me in the janitor's closet. And they owe me at least $500 apiece…" She broke off at the severely annoyed look on Cuddy's face. "Oh, you meant honestly? Well, that's easy. Doctor number one has a reputation for charming his way into Victoria's biggest Secret, and then leaving said girl Secret-less and heartbroken, but richer. Doctor number two has a reputation for being a sarcastic, yet brilliant bastard-y asshole; also leaves women broken, though usually in a more mental manner. I myself am a healthy, mentally and emotionally stable young woman, and would rather not be subjected to either of their philandering ways before I absolutely have to be. I rather like my Victoria's Secret collection, and my self-esteem just can't handle another insult or crude comment about my breasts, ass, or lack thereof."
Light hid her smile at seeing the shock on her boss's face, trying hard to project an aura of innocence. 'Hah! A woman with House's sense of snarky humor, Wilson's childish innocence, and her own dress code does exist. She has no idea of how to deal with a creature like me. I bet she can't even really tell which part I was being serious about…' "Their reputations precede them. Congratulations. So, again I ask: Where are they right now?"
The shell-shocked older woman blinked, before shaking her head, as if to dispel the incredulousness she had been shoved into. Taking a glance at her watch, she replied, "It's now 10:15. House will be hiding in the coma patients' rooms, or Wilson's office, or actually dealing with his patient of the week. Wilson will most likely be in his office or playing with the cancer kiddies. You should be safe to go to your office without being molested by the panty-peeler or degraded by the cripple."
Light grinned at Cuddy's terminology for the two department heads. "Thanks, Lisa! I'll try to do some clinic hours later this week, but I think I'll use today to get settled in and learn my way around. Is the cafeteria food any good in this place?"
"Dr. Light, I'll let it slide this time, but I really prefer being called by my last name. As for the cafeteria food, it's passable. House and Wilson share lunch in the cafeteria everyday around 12:30 or so, should you want to avoid them."
Sonya grinned and skipped from Cuddy's office with a flippant, "See you later, lover!" leaving a sputtering Dean of Medicine behind her.
Chase and Foreman were passing by Cuddy's office and saw the energetic young woman pestering her. With a glance at each other, they shook their heads.
Chase spoke first. "Must be the new head of pathology House and Wilson were talking about."
Foreman chuckled. "Obviously. How long before you think House and/or Wilson drive her away?"
As the elevator doors opened, they saw Cameron and House waiting for them. House called to them. "Come on, kids. Daddy's taking you on a little field trip to the lab to see which tests you screwed up and why!"
Chase rolled his eyes to Foreman. "Provided she doesn't have to see him everyday, I give her three months." They walked to the elevator, where House was drawing attention with his wild cane-waving and shouting. "If it's a daily basis, I give her a week."
Foreman nodded, looking rather thoughtful. "I'll take that bet. Fifty bucks?"
"Sure."
A flame-covered cane suddenly cut between them. "And what are Daddy's boys betting about this time, hmm? Tell me the truth, now, and I might just give you a lollipop!"
"Well, Daddy," Foreman stated sarcastically, "…we're betting on how long it's going to take you and Wilson to drive away the new pathologist. I personally hope you don't manage it."
House's eyebrows rose with his indignation. "And why ever not?"
The neurologist smirked. "Well, I only saw her from the back, but she definitely had a nice figure underneath the white doctor's coat. And, she was making Cuddy freak out. Who knows, you might actually get along with her…"
Alright, peeps! Tell me what you think! Reviews help me get better, and sustain my miserable existence. This is my first House story, so let me know if there's something not right with the sarcasm, or if I used a phrase too much. I need feedback, people!
Yours (somewhat faithfully), Terra Nympha Dryadis
