It was nice to be back at the farm, but it felt empty without Pastor Jim there. Sam was sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee and researching. He didn't sleep very often, and even when he could he didn't want to. Sam was having nightmares again, had been since Cold Oak. Sometimes they were about Dean going to hell, but mostly he dreamt about Yellow Eyes, and the demon blood that Sam now knew was running through his veins. He felt unclean and dirty. He had always felt a little different then everyone else, but now he knew he was different, he was demonic and that felt so much worse. He often wondered if Caleb felt the same way, he had been ostracized all of his life for his supposed lineage that went straight back to Azazel, the same yellow eyed demon that had infected Sam when he was a baby.
"Sam?" Caleb said walking into the kitchen rubbing his eyes. "We got in like 4 hours ago, why aren't you asleep?"
"Not tired, researching. I think I have outgrown a babysitter Reaves." Caleb poured a cup of coffee and turned back toward Sam.
"Well your shitty mood set off my Sammy alarm inside my head, kind of hard to sleep through. What are you researching?" Sam pinched the bridge of his nose, he could feel a head ache building. He had been trying to keep his blocks up around Caleb; he didn't want the other psychic to know what was going on in his head.
"Demon deals, seeing if there is anyway to reverse them, or rip up the contracts. Fuck I don't know what I am looking for." Sam slammed the laptop, and put his hands over his eyes. Caleb frowned.
"You okay there Runt? No offence, but you look like crap." Sam huffed.
"It's six o'clock in the morning, and we all just got back from a shitty hunt in the middle of the sticks, we all look like crap."
"No, I am talking about the migraine you got building right now." Sam glared at the older man. "I am not trying to read you, I just recognize a psychic overload when I see one. You trying to block me out isn't gonna help your head you know. You need to relax, rest and sleep."
"Caleb, I am fine. I just need to figure out a way to save my stupid brother."
"You can't do anything if you are burnt out." Sam laughed grimly at that.
"I am not burnt out, Dean made sure of that." Caleb sighed and sat down beside Sam.
"Sam what is this really about?"
"What are you talking about Caleb? You know what this is about. It's about saving Dean, no matter what it takes."
"You could die if you aren't careful Sam."
"So what? That's the way it was supposed to be."
"You know Sammy, when I met your brother, he was a four year old kid who refused to talk to anyone. He just spent hours looking after you. You were the only thing who could pull him out of his shell. He can't let you die kiddo, it isn't in him, he has been protecting you all your life."
"You helped pull him out of his shell Caleb, I am the reason he was like that in the first place."
"What are you talking about Sam?"
"Nothing." Sam went to stand, but Caleb grabbed his arm.
"Bullshit, whatever you are trying so hard to shield me from, stop it. Do not shut me out, you are my family, I would do anything for you, just let me help."
"Doesn't this count as a chick flick moment?" Caleb smirked.
"I think this one is needed, we can pretend it never happened later, okay?" Sam sighed and sat back down beside his friend. If he couldn't tell Caleb what was bothering him, who could he tell? Caleb may be the only person who knew where he was coming from.
"You consider Dean your brother right?" Caleb looked at Sam quizzically.
"Of course. I have ever since I met Deuce."
"So you don't think blood is what makes you family?" Caleb snorted.
"I am adopted Runt, and Mac will always be my father. Jim and John were my family. You Dean and Bobby are my family. I have no genes in common with any of you."
"So you don't believe the blood in your veins makes you who you are?"
"If the blood in my veins made me who I was, then I definitely wouldn't be fighting on the side of humanity. I am who I am because of who raised me, not because of who made me. My blood may be tainted, but I think I turned out all right. I am just as much a Winchester as I am an Ames, or a Reaves. Why the 20 questions about my DNA?" Sam looked at Caleb and decided he needed to get it out.
"When I was in cold oak I talked to Azazel." Caleb's gaze seemed to harden but he didn't interrupt Sam. "He took me back to my nursery, the night of the fire, told me why he was there. He came for me, and my mom got in the way, so he killed her.
"What are you trying to say Sam?" Sam smiled and his eyes filled with tears.
"You may consider Dean your brother, but me and you are the ones with the DNA connection. Azazel fed me demon blood that night, gave me my psychic abilities." Caleb looked at the young man, a boy he had bottle fed, and babysat, and played with, and he didn't know what to say. He could never see the man before him as anything other then Sammy Winchester.
"I am sorry Sam." Caleb didn't know what else to say, he knew Sam was carrying a heavy burden. "Does Dean know?" Sam shook his head.
"He has bigger things to worry about."
"So that is what this is about? You feel demonic, like maybe you didn't deserve to be saved."
"I didn't deserve to be saved at an innocence expense. Dean doesn't deserve this; maybe if he had of left me dead, it would have been better for everyone. I am destined to go dark side, everyone knows, hell even Dad knew it. He warned Dean."
"Sam listen to me, cause I am only going to say this once. Destiny is crap, nobody is can force you to do anything you don't want to do. You are the most moral guy I have ever met, you are not going to go dark side, I won't let you. You aren't a demon Sam. You are preaching to the choir kid, I spent my entire life feeling like I was something tainted and evil, but I have come to a conclusion, it isn't my fault, and it isn't yours either."
"Caleb, I didn't want to believe it either, but then I died and… something happened. Like, I remember being dead, I thought it was a dream at first, but then when I found out I had died I knew what it was."
"What did you see Sam?"
"Nothing. I saw eternal darkness, and I felt the heat, and the screams. I don't know where Dean thought I was, but I guarantee it wasn't heaven. I think I am destined for the pit. Now Dean had to go to because he wanted to give me some more time on earth? That isn't fair." Caleb rubbed a hand over his face and looked up at Sam.
"I am not going to let your brother go to hell Sam, but I sure as hell am not going to let you go either. You and me seem to have a lot more in common then I thought. But I swear on whoever is listening, I am not letting either of you go to the pit. And as far as the demon blood goes, look Sammy, everyone had darkness inside of them, you and me just happen to have a hell of a lot more. Fight the darkness, use your abilities, and your skills for good and then it doesn't matter what runs through your veins. Prove Yellow Eyes wrong. Be better then this destiny, make a new one. I don't care what runs through your veins Sam, just like you never cared what ran through mine. We were raised together, and we would do anything to protect each other, that is what makes us family." Sam thought about that and then let out a small laugh.
"Okay Caleb, I'll try. As long we all make a new destiny together. And that starts with making a new destiny for Dean. All for one and one for all?" Caleb laughed.
"You are such a girl Runt. But yeah I am in. Lets do this."
