"Ight boys… We got ourselves a new mission." Commander sheperdDOGdoodlehimer from mw2 stated.
"What is it my new friend COUGH! NO RUSSIAN! COUGH!" Makarov AKA GUY NAMED AFTER A MOTHER FUCKING PISTOL, coughed loudly. Commander son of a sheperd smiled deviously. He looked at his three friends. Team mascot-erov, captain too expensive sandwich price. And master chief who isn't even a modern warfare character. Let alone a call of duty character.
"I say we shoot the shit outta some boyscouts with a laser gun. AND I DO MEAN BOY SCOUTS." master chief aka racist name that culturally appropriates the native American culture suggested wisely.
"No… I say we shoot up a train, or a bus, or a plane… ANYWHERE THAT TRANSPORTS PEOPLE LIKE THAT FUCKING AIRPORT!" Macdaddy-erov states. Just then lightning strikes. It's Peter Parker from spider-man 3 and he's blasting them with his finger guns.
"HOLY SHIT GET DOWN!" Captain the price of my killings of main antagonists happens over each game Im in. They all got out of harms way their hearts racing their assholes clenched
Just then barack Obama falls down the stairs from heaven.
"Greetings my children." Barack osama bin laden greets.
"STFU U HEALTHCARED PUSSY. IN RUSSIA THERE IS NO HEALTCARE! RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!" Makorov shouts.
"Your real mission will be handed out by me, your mission is to kill the illuminati once and for all…" O'futurama tells them.
"Weren't you the one who posed as osama bin laden himself?" Commander sheep-herder-sheperd stated.
"NO U!" Obama screeches in his seven year old late night gamer voice who got trolled to tears
They hacked the world. they were able to spy on everyone through the squirrel database. Through this majestic surveillance system they saw everything. A guy shitting into a newspaper and using the rest of the pages to wipe his ass. Some lady playing 'bring me to life' on her flute while Amy Lee holds a gun to the ladies head. The lady's crying and Amy looks over to the squirrels eyes, and smiles slowly.
"I'd marry that crazy broad if it weren't for em damn taxes on having kids. All I'll be having this week is diarrhea." Sheperd says in a brooding manner. Makarov shakes his head 'no' in cold disapproval.
"In my country you get married by kidnapping your wife. I've had at least…. Hmmm… Two thousand so far…" Makarov states. Price of the ice on my wrist is aiming at a computer guy. The squirrels gestures for price to shoot.
"Why so many?" Price asks. "And why am I working with the bad guys?" Price asks.
"Hey I'm not a bad guy! I shot that pregnant villager by accident! I swear! NO FOOLZIES MAN! NO FOOLZIES!" Chief the word archer from splinter cell conviction likes to say.
"My wives all try escaping – I MEAN LEAVING…" Makarov starts. "and then I gotta kill em afterwards." He whispers to himself.
Price fires at the computer guy. His brains splatter behind him.
"OH MY GOD THIS MAN WHO WAS PLAYING CSGO WAS JUST MURDERED!" A woman screams. "And… He's got a rare knife… so… Imma… Ima gonna take this pc and…" SHE RUNS OFF WITH THE COMPUTER.
"Ah fuck I've killed an innocent man…. Wait a second he was playing csgo!" Price aims at the lady running down the street and fires. Her body stops short and she and the pc fall to the ground.
"Fuck csgo…" Price states.
"Ok men while you've all been diddling and fiddling with ur two inch peepees with tweezers… Ive been figuring shit out…" Chief states.
"Like what ya fucking pussy with power armor." Sheperd states.
"WHY I OUGHTA KICK UR ASS THAT'S MY LINE!" Duke Nukem shots. He shoots them all dead except for Makarov who he's scared off. Makarov watches as duke slowly steps backwards then walks away. A badass who recognizes a badass. Chief screeches into his four dollar mic that his mom got him from 7/11. She got it by sucking off the store clerk as he was playing csgo with it and she had no money for his Christmas present.
"FUCKING REVIVE MEEEEEE! I'VE GOT THEEEE RAY GUNNNNEEH!" Chief hollers.
'Price has left the game'
"AH FUCK!"
'Guess who's back? Back again… Price is back, tell a friend.'
"I had to go because my MUTHOR was yalling at me, for my mezzie room that I have not clent in two whole years." Price explains.
"EVERYONE SILENCIO BEFORE I MUTE U" Chief yells. Everyone listens.
"I've figured it all out. We're in one of the illuminati's many prisons, that equally jails people and not based on skin color or race…. Microsoft word. And we're being written by some loser at 4:47 am who had too many energy drinks…" Chief states.
"How? Uh… How do we escape my fellow dude man bro dude?" Price asks.
"I've already escaped my friends…" Makarov states
"What the fuck?!" Captain if you're gonna fuck me theres gonna be a price screams
Makarov had ascended to his true form. He had transformed into his god form.
"wtf is god form? Wat is this dragon ball don't look at my peepee in the locker room?" Price questions.
"Oh shit I did it too!" Price exclaims.
"The darkness of my soul. I once had everything. A family. Kids. I lost all of that when the government blamed me and not my commanding officer. Now I'm the one making the rules. And all the blame will be on those who fucked me over…" Makarov states.
"Jesus son…" Shepered states now in god form. "This is a parody story… Not some fucking emo cry fest ya whiny lil pussy." SHAPORD THE FURY LEAPORD states.
"Why can't I go god form?" Chief thinks out loud.
"Think of something that'll get u mad. Like how call of duty has been the same laggy piece of shit since 2008." Makarov says calmly.
"Huh? My games are actually good. Maybe that's why I cant get angry." Chief states.
"Or maybe just maybe only call of duty characters can go god form and
shitty halo characters cant" Makarov states.
"RRRRRRRRRRR" Chief growls preparing an epic comeback "NOOO UUUUU!" Chief hollers. Makarov bursts into tears.
"NO UR MOMMA!" Makarov barks back through tears
!CLAP! !CLAP! they ease into their new realities.
"You have won. Becoming gods instantly beats the illuminati." The mysterious man states.
"666cookiemonster666?!" Shepered shouts the author of this story.
"Yup. I'm just some skinny loser who's out lived his toned muscle days. I tend to write now adays." 666cookiemonster666 replies.
"Nobody fucking cares…" they all reply. A faint, soft, and gentle voice abruptly greets their alert ears.
"Hello there my children…" Nicholas cage states. His hairy nipples gracing them. "You've reached heaven. And now you will experience heaven through my fine body my fine lads." Nicholas explains with a faint voice.
'Captain Price has left the game'
'Makarov has left the game'
'Commander Shephered has left the game.'
"Wait wtf y cant I leave?! Y CANT I FUCKING LEAVE!" Chief screams.
The end….
