Hey you guys I rewrote this story (even if I didn't finish it in the first place), I didn't want to keep it going all mixed up as I had it so I just write it again but better, I hope you guys enjoy it :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any of its characters (wish I did thought)


Slowly I walked through the silent hallway of the small flat. I had my shoes in hand so the noise of my feet would reduce. My keys and book bag on the other hand. It took every fervor of my being to keep my balance as tip toed through the hall the seemed to be getting longer and longer as I walked.

Now don't think that I was trying to get in to the apartment, on the other hand I was being as cautious as I could to make runaway.

The very reason why I was getting out of this hell whole (well not that there aren't other various reasons) was the very reason for every single damned thing that went wrong in my screwed up life.

Even though I say this, it hurt to leave everything behind. But I couldn't keep living under such conditions, it wasn't good for me or anyone else. It was tiring living here, it felt as if my blood was sucked out and drained through a sink whenever I was here, and I was constantly here.

I sighed inwardly as I finally made it to the door, successfully pulling my quiet steps off as to not awake any unwanted company.

I slowly unlocked the door flinching at the click the lock made when it told me it was safe to open.

I grabbed the door knob and looked back at what i was leaving behind. A lump formed in my throat as I thought of what I was doing. My sinuses stung and my palms began to feel sweaty as I thought of the fact that once I walked through that door I could never return to this place, the only place, I once called home.

I tried swallowing down the lump and willed the tears to go away, regaining composure of myself when I thought of my resolve.

'Yes, I shouldn't be unhappy about this, this is what I want isn't it? I can't be here anymore, it's not safe.' Is what I told myself repeatedly for days as I thought of this plan of action. I've had this resolve in place for months, I just never thought I could go through with it until... well, until-

"Ichiigooooo" I widened my eyes at the low rough voice that came from near the living room.

Shit.

Was all I could think before I froze in place, rooted to the spot I was in. My body started shaking and sweat began to form on my forehead. My stomach twisted and my legs wanted to give out. I grabbed at my head quickly and fell to my knees, not knowing what to do.

This, yes, this was the reason why I was escaping.

I tried to breathe in quietly as I noticed that no air was getting to my lungs. At the moment it was the only thing I could control that wasn't going to give out on me at any time.

'Okay Ichigo he hasn't found you yet, he's in the bathroom, you can still get away. Get up and leave' I kept repeating that to myself as I regained a little control of my body.

'He's not coming to get you, its alright, just breathe and walk out. You can do this.' I took a deep breathe silently and removed my arms from atop my hand standing up slowly. I searched the hallway that led to the very precise room he was just in. I tried to control my hand as it shook while I reached the door knob again.

'You can do this' I repeated the words my old friend Rukia used to say to me whenever she tried to push me to do this very exact thing.

I twisted the knob slowly, grateful to the fact that this doesn't make any noise, but dreaded the moment the door made a squeaking sound before I even opened it.

I sighed again thinking I could actually do this, I could actually get out of this damned place.

The door squeaked a bit more when I pushed it open again ever so slightly. Then I felt it, this immense pressure coming from behind me, it was chilling. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I my body froze again.

My breathing picked up and the grip I had on the door loosened. All I could do was pray in my mind that behind me wasn't what I though it was.

"Where you going so early, Ichi?"My eyes widened at the voice and my breathing came out in short gasps. My heart felt like it would come out of my chest at any time and the only thing I could grip on to keep my balance was the door.

'I-It really is him' I tried swallowing down at the lump in my throat that never ceased to leave. I didn't know what to do I hadn't thought about the fact that I would get caught, I didn't let myself.

I couldn't let myself know that there might be a huge possibility that I would get caught by him. If I did then my resolve would go to hell.

I knew I should have gave up on the idea of ever being able to be free as soon as it popped into my head but I just couldn't leave it alone, I had to go and get myself into this mess. I'll probably won;t see the light if day for a few weeks, or worse, much much worse.

I trembled at the thought and tried pushing it as far as I could from my mind. It wasn't the time to think about something like that and I couldn't just give up trying to leave after coming this close.

I couldn't let my resolve along with my life to go to waste in such a place. I couldn't let that happen. I furrowed my eyebrows and willed myself to move forced the damn lump to leave and gritted my teeth as I griped the handle again.

"I asked you where you where going." He boomed, sounding more threatening.

I almost fell to my knees when I heard his voice raise like that.

My body shook uncontrollably and more tears fell from my eyes. I was for a fact scared of this man.

I was always scared of him, even when I got involved with him. At first I thought I like the air of danger that surrounded him, it made me feel excited whenever I was with him. I always thought that it was love.

But... love... it can't be like this, it can't hurt so much to be with the person you love.

I can't love someone like this, I know that much.

'I can't be with him' I knew that much.

I breathed in a shaky breath and grabbed at the handle again. I knew what my whole objective of all this was, I had to get away, as far away from him as I could.

I gritted my teeth and forced the words out of my mouth. "I-I... I-I'm leaving." My voice came out quiet and struggled. I frowned at my own weakness of how pathetic I could sound.

"Y-You're leaving?" I flinched as I heard the howl of laughter that came from him. "Ha! You're leaving! Funniest shit ever!" He kept laughing and mocking as he attempted to mimic my voice in mockery. I frowned even deeper and blushed at his stupid antics to get on my nerves.

"Yes I'm fucking leaving." I said loud enough so he could hear me over his howling. The anger that began seeping into me made me sound more sure of myself and made me feel it as well. I knew what I wanted, why should I let some bastard make fun of me?

"And where the fuck are you going to go?" He said threatening, all mock gone from his voice. I flinched involuntarily again, making almost all the anger I once possessed dissolve into thin air.

I let go of the door handle and held myself as I heard his slow heavy footsteps as he walked towards me. Every step that he took struck another nerve in my system, like I was being pulled down by this invisible weight that got heavier as he got closer.

I refused though, I refused to be pushed down by the weights. I gathered the little strength I had left within me and held strong to the door handle, more to have something to hold on to than anything. Last thing on my mind was to leave at the moment, even though there was a screaming voice in there that told me to grab anything physically close throw it and get the fuck out. Of course, that wasn't anywhere near possible now that he was standing right in front of me, close enough so he could tower over me and I could feel more of his menacing aura from behind.

"I asked where the fuck you would go" He asked his lips close enough to my ear that I could feel his breath.

"Th-that's not any of your business" I tried speaking but my voice sounded more like a whimper or a cry than anything else.

Before I could do anything (not that I could) he grabbed at my shoulder and pulled at it slamming me against the door. I felt his hand wrap around my throat and force me to look up at him.

He was grinning like a maniac. I knew that grin all too well; he always smiled like that whenever he felt defied or wanted trouble. That smiled if you knew it well enough and knew its effects, could scare the living hell out of you.

I knew it all too well myself, suffered from the effects. I tried to avoid him reaching his limits of "excitement" or insanity.

This… this was the reason why I had never left before. This was the reason why I felt like I could die right now and it'd be better than having to deal with this.

I felt numb like my body was somewhere else and all that was left was my soul to deal with such a predicament. I wanted to hide, to run away from those eyes that felt like they could see right through you and rip you apart at any moment's notice. Eyes so intense that they could immobilize you and make you feel like you were dying.

Grimmjow wasn't the type of man to be messed with.

I knew that, but at the time of when we started seeing each other I could have never imagined being in such a situation, such a relationship.

His grip of my neck tightened and no air reached my lungs. I felt like this time he might actually kill me. I grabbed his hand between both of mine and tried pushing his away from my neck. His smile widened while I uselessly gripped at his arm.

I felt so powerless, so useless; I couldn't even protect my own life, let alone leave this hell hole.

More tears spilled and I reached for his shirt, gripping it as tightly as I could as I silently pleaded that this wouldn't be the end. I didn't want to end like this, not in such a situation, but truly, I could only blame myself for all this.

"Grimm-… please" His smile got wider and I felt like neck might just pop off before I was choked.

"Please what?" He asked in a venomous voice. I felt my body limp and the grip on his shirt and hand release. The room was going dark and my mind was blank. All I could do was stare at his wild smile as my consciousness slipped away from me.

"Don't" Was what I wanted to say, I didn't even know if I had actually said it or if I was just thinking what I should say.

Not that it mattered; I couldn't feel anything at this point. Maybe this was for the best, maybe ending it like this would be better. I didn't have to suffer anymore; I didn't have to deal with all this pain. Instead of dying in the place of someone I love, I'm dying by the hand of someone I loved. I would have laughed if I were still anywhere near conscious or maybe I was still dead, who knows.

I probably was though since I could hear Grimm yelling out my name and telling me to not die in front of his door.

Ha, this is the man I fell in love with.


'Am I dead?' I breathed in, feeling a twinge of pain on my neck that felt like I a knife was being put through it. I swallowed hard, feeling the same affect in my throat.

'Guess I'm not dead.' I sighed inwardly feeling sort of disappointed at the fact that I was awake. Not that I preferred to be dead or anything, it's just that once you are that close to loosing your life you come to piece with yourself and accept the fact that you can't go on any longer, well at least it was for my case. But I'm alive so it must be a miracle... yay me.

My eyes felt heavy as I opened them, not really wanting to but just in case I was in hell and pain is what you got for being here.

I blinked a few times as my eyes adjusted to the brightness of the room. I was felt even more disappointed realizing that going to hell wouldn't have been such a bad thing. I was in my room laying on my bed, I felt like closing my eyes and hoping for eternal sleep but that wouldn't happen. I sighed heavily flinching at the pain in my throat again.

My body ached at the slightest movement I made with my arm as I lifted it to my neck to feel the pain. I half expected it to be ten times smaller then what it was but no, it was there all of it. It just hurt like hell when I touched it.

'There's probably a bruise mark in the shape if his hand there.' I wanted to laugh at it all as I remembered my attempt of escape. How pathetic I was at letting myself slip in that moment of weakness. I knew shouldn't have even looked back, I knew not to look back and think of all what could have been. I knew that if I did that I would slip, I would fail, like I did.

Though it was unavoidable. He probably knew what I was planning from the beginning and played along until the final moments. For this I just want to laugh uncontrollably.

'So why are you doing the exact opposite? You're such an idiot Ichigo' I chuckled inwardly at my own weakness. At how ridiculously pathetic I was and I have a feeling that it won't change. I'll always be the same... Even if I don't want to... I mean what's the point of fighting it, this is how things are meant to be.

'That's not true and you now that! You may be pathetic and a weakling but you can't give up now! You've come too far to give up.'

Yeah but what's the point in it? To go so far just to be pushed back down again. What's the point of getting back up?

'You really are an idiot. Why would want to spend a miserable life with a man you and I both know that you don't love him! So why the hell are you letting yourself get pushed around and hurt like this?'

Oh just shut up! Even if I fucking try its not like it's gona change a damn thing!

I breathed in heavily, ignoring the pain again. I was more focused on the fact that I was having a fucking conversation with my own mind. Maybe I was going crazy after all. Maybe the craziness spreads if you spend to much time around the crazy ones.

Well then if that's true then I should've gone insane about two years ago.

I shifted my body towards the nightstand, trying to accommodate myself better. I hadn't noticed anything around me besides the fact that I was in my room, until there was slight rustling of the bed sheets and shifting going on next to me.

My body instantly froze and my breathing stopped. My body felt rigid and tense as one of his arms made their way around me pulling me closer to his chest.

I gritted my teeth and felt pain from my neck again, causing me to almost cough, but doing that wouldn't be the best of ideas at the moment.

I choked on myself and breathed in breathed in some air trying not to cough or make the stinging pain in my neck any worse.

When I finally stabilized my little attack, I took notice of the fact that Grimmjow was still asleep. I thanked the heavens for that.

Wait a fucking second... why the hell is he still here? Usually he would get himself drunk and not come home for days... yet he's here.

I lifted myself up into a sitting position on the bed, I looked over at him as he slept.

Grimmjow, you're a piece of shit. I can't help but thinking that. Why are you like this? Why do you hurt us like this? Hah, when I look at you sleeping like this I can't help but smile, think that everything is actually okay between us. Why is it that you put us though these kinds of things? Grimm... I, I love you, I do, but I don't know how long I can keep this up, my body can' take much more of this... So please Grimm, stop hurting us, stop hurting me...

I brought my knees to my chest and let my head fall on them as tears fell from my eyes. I looked at him from the corner of my eyes and couldn't help but smile, even as I wept. I knew that I just couldn't not love him. I knew that I couldn't have any hate for him inside of me.

My hands reached out to his bare arm that still wrapped around my waist and trailed the tattoo that was there.

"Ichi?" I jumped, surprised at the sudden call of my name. I looked over at him and unfortunately saw him looking right back at me with his vicious yet half asleep eyes that never seem to take a break from intimidating others.


Can't say its my best work but it is what it is. I had to re-write it because my first story of this wasn't going to get me anywhere and however many times I wrote it it didn't work so i just wrote it all up again, same story different beginning setting (well not really setting) but it's all the same concept and feel. I hope you liked it and

please

Review :D