Hi there! It's me again. :) I have been meaning to write this for a while, but have been stalling it mainly because the idea was still quite hazy in my head. I knew what I wanted to do, but had absolutely no idea about how to do it. I tried a few things, but never got past the first paragraph because it simply didn't work. But now I think (keyword being "think") I have figured something out.
What makes me think so? The fact that I had intended this to be a very short one-shot, but it took a life of its own and so far I have a few chapters outlined in my head. I am not completely sure about where I am going with this anymore, but well... I guess I'll try and see where this takes me.
Also, yes, I know it's a very unusual character combination, and honestly I don't even think there'll be anyone wanting to read something about these two, but yeah... it makes sense in my head. I am still hesitant to call it a "pairing" though, exactly because I haven't decided in which direction to take it yet, so if anyone does read this... I'll appreciate opinions. :)
Now, enough with the babbling, and on with the story!
They get here just a couple of minutes after Emma and Snow, probably due to some sort of portal-travelling spacetime distortion, since they most likely jumped immediately after them. I'm distracted talking to Emma, trying to be nice for the sake of my son, but at the same time honestly relieved to see them back safely, strange as it may sound. That means I don't notice either of the two others until I turn around to watch my son leave with his other mother and my stepdaughter. I wonder for a moment how confusing all of this is... but I simply brush the thought away. This is not the place nor the time to be reflecting about family ties and how messed up ours are.
So instead I just focus on the two newcomers, with their Fairytale Land clothes, something I haven't seen for twenty nine years. I notice immediately how different they are from one another, like day and night. The one in the armor obviously draws attention from everyone, not only because it makes her seem far larger than I suppose she actually is, but also because of the peculiarity of a woman wearing something like that, and for the fact that her features are certainly not from the part of the land where most of us come from.
But the one that really catches my eye is the other one, the seemingly meek and even somewhat scared one in the tattered lavender dress. Just from looking at her, I can see she is a princess; or used to be, since the state she's in emanates anything but royalty, but her pose and her lady-like behavior even when in fear make it clear that she was raised as such. I can also notice right away that she hasn't been having it easy lately, and not just because of the severely worn out clothes and disheveled hair; royalty doesn't have the kind of look she has in her eyes. That's something that only pain gives you.
She intrigues me, and I cannot exactly pinpoint why. There's just something about her that draws me in. There's something vaguely familiar about her as well, as if I knew her from somewhere, or as if she really looked like someone I know, but I am also unable to recall who that would be. That is, until I hear someone calling her by her name. Aurora. Briar Rose's daughter. I find myself stupid for not realizing it sooner: she has her mother's eyes and rosy cheeks and golden curls, and that kind of soft, glistening, annoying as hell beauty and radiance that only the select few highest princesses have.
This is the girl Maleficent cursed with the same sleeping curse I got from her in exchange for the dark curse that brought us all here; this is the girl that was put to sleep after her mother managed to be rescued out of it exactly the same way Snow White was. Apparently this one has followed the same path, because she is clearly not sleeping anymore. I wonder where her prince is, though. I even turn to check if anyone else came out of the well, thinking maybe he had some delay as well, but no one else appears. I frown slightly, somewhat confused.
But again I just brush it off, thinking I'll have time to learn more about these two strangers later, ask them my questions, try to figure out how come there is anything left of Fairytale Land at all, and find out why exactly they came into our world. I make a mental note to start investigating soon, before following everyone else in the procession to wake idiot #2 from his slumber.
It takes me just a couple of days of observation, attentive ears and a bit of probing and asking to others and finally to the two of them to find the answers to at least some of my questions. Especially, I am told of the reason why her prince did not come along. I am told he's no longer alive. I am told he succumbed to the same thing that would have killed me, if it had not been for my idea to send it to Fairytale Land through the hat. Which means that it is my fault he died.
I don't think they know it; as far as I can tell, they think Emma and Snow took the wraith with them when they jumped through the portal – and not the other way round. And mainly, they don't seem to know it was me who actually sent the wraith that way. I don't think they would be agreeing to talk to me, even suspicious and weary as they are, even if it is to help make sure that Cora does not find us here, if they knew. Quite the opposite, they would probably be willing to hand me in to my mother on a silver plate to be hopefully tortured and killed. Which is what I probably deserve.
Because they might not know it, but I do. I killed this girl's true love, her savior prince. I killed a good man, even without knowing, much less intending to. I killed someone, even when I am trying my damn hardest to be a good person, to not do any harm at all, for the sake of my son. When they tell me about it, I suddenly find it hard to breathe. My chest grows heavy, too heavy for the air to go in, and I start heaving. They look concerned, and it just makes it a million times worse, because they should not be concerned about me. They should be punching me, beating me to death, shooting me, cutting me in half... anything, anything but looking at me with worried eyes and asking me if I am feeling well.
I cannot face them, either of them, but especially the princess. So I just get up and walk out of Granny's without a word, as fast as I can while still not giving anyone the pleasure of seeing me run. I go all the way to my house simply because I know those steps by heart, so my feet guide me in spite of the fact that I can barely see anything ahead of me, because my vision has long become all blurry. Finally, I arrive home and let myself fall on the couch, my chest still doing all sorts of crazy things, like absolutely refusing to expand to receive the breaths I am fighting so hard to take, for instance.
It's useless, it's absolutely useless. Everything I have been trying to do, anything I could possibly do for the whole rest of my life, whatever I manage to come up with... it's all useless. And the worst part of it is that I should have known it all along. Redeeming myself? What was I thinking? That is never going to happen; that is just not possible. I cannot redeem myself, I cannot atone for all the things I have done, I cannot be good, no matter how hard I try. I am never going to be good. I never was, even when people thought I was; my mother was the only one to see it. I was a bad child, and then I became a bad person, a monster... and there's just no way back from that. Anything I do to try to change that will always amount to nothing. I'll always end up hurting someone, even when I am honestly trying not to. Any effort I make to avoid that will be useless. Because I am useless. There's no escaping from this fact. I cannot do anything good. I cannot be anything good.
I killed a man. Actually, no; I killed many men, and also women and even children. But this one if different. This one, I never meant to harm. And yet I did. And by doing that, I deprived someone of the person they love, I condemned someone to live the same life I have been living for so many years. I have made someone lose the same innocence I had, when I still believed in love and in happy endings and in a better life, when I still thought the world, any world, could be a nice place to live in, when I still believed life itself was good. Because there was a time when I did. There was a time when I had faith in all of that. But it all went away together with Daniel. And now I have doomed someone to go through the very same thing – and for once, it had absolutely nothing to do with revenge.
There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong
So, what do you think? Should I go on?
I'm pretty sure the song dispenses with introductions, but in any case... that's "I dreamed a dream", from the Les Misérables soundtrack.
