Warning: Crack and language.
Thanks to the awesome RainMirror to beta this chapter for me!
After the events of Quiet Minds, I'm not sure whether to continue this story. I'll put in on indefinite hiatus at least for now until I know what to do.
His mind went blank. He was more of the action guy. He usually left the talking to the leaders, like Emma, when they were in Neverland. He felt cold sweat start to trickle down his back. He turned to look at his dad who just nodded and smiled encouragingly at him. Say something, just say something.
"Uhm, I … I'm really not good at making speeches. I was never a prince or a public figure in any world. In fact, I tried to look as inconspicuous as possible anywhere. The more conspicuous you are, the bigger target you make yourself. Therefore…"
Somebody at the back yelled, "If I want to listen to outdoor survival techniques, I'd attend a bloody seminar or watch Discovery, not listen to you."
Some people yelled their agreement.
He wiped his forehead with his sleeve. "What I meant to say is I'm not cut out to be a public speaker. In fact, I didn't want to make any speech in the first place…" He looked accusingly at Jefferson who dared to smile demurely at him. "I just want my stuff back so if any of you know how to get the list of the buyers, that will be helpful. Thank you very much!"
"I thought this meeting is about how we as the guys can band together to fight against the tyranny of women in our lives," asked someone at the back. That was followed by an uproar by other spectators.
Neal, who was about to sit, stood up again. "No, I never said that. I just want my list." Unfortunately, his speech was drowned out by the booing of his accidental audience. Ah well, it was good that he never took a job as a public speaker. To his horror, some people started to throw some small items in his direction. He quickly ducked under the table. Coasters, peanuts, pencils, pens, matches, rotten tomatoes (who brought those?), eggs (seriously?), belts (really?), shoes, and some other objects he felt too spooky to indentify flew past his head.
Hook joined in and threw a cup which actually went in the direction of his papa. He was about to call to watch out but the cup just stopped in mid air two inches in front of Rumpelstiltskin's face. He caught the cup. "I only needed one chipped cup, thank you very much." He threw it back in Hook's direction so quickly that it hit Hook on his right temple.
Hook was about to pounce on Rumpelstiltskin so Neal, who was still under the table, tackled his feet. Hook fell face first on the floor. Neal kept hold of his feet while Hook was struggling. "Let me go, Neal. I want to stab some crocodile."
Rumpelstiltskin conjured a fireball in his right palm. "Everyone, enough!" People quickly calmed down but Hook was still struggling to get free.
Rumpelstiltskin looked down at both of them. "Hook, you started first by throwing the cup at me. If you want the rest of your limbs intact, I suggest you stop now."
Hook finally stopped so Neal could let go. He brushed the dirt from his clothes but still looked suspiciously at Hook in case he wanted to attack his father again. Not that his papa needed any protection from Hook but it was just his instinct.
"Belle called me to say there would be some entertainment involving the guys getting together in The Rabbit Hole. I wasn't interested but she said Bae would be here and he was the MVP so of course I wanted to see." He smiled proudly at his son. "I didn't know what the actual purpose of the gathering was. Now I know. It wasn't Bae who asked you to gather here." He glared pointedly at Victor who looked suitably chastised. "He even said it clearly, he just wanted the list. Someone provoked a speech out of him." Now he turned his glare at Jefferson who tried to sink lower in his chair. "He has said it was not the purpose of the meeting. The booing and throwing stuff at him is uncalled for. Don't you think?"
People looked at him in fear and agreement. Neal came over to whisper to him. "Papa, I think you can turn off the fireball now. They've got your point."
Rumpelstiltskin quickly put out the fireball. "I actually forgot I had the fireball. It's kind of a habit. No wonder they looked like they were going to pee in their pants and I thought it was just my reputation," he whispered back.
Neal didn't know whether to laugh or cry at his comments.
Rumpelstiltskin said, "OK, now that you have heard his request, does anyone know how to get the list?"
There was an eerie silence for about twenty seconds.
Finally a voice with a British accent chimed in. "I know a way to get the list." Neal looked up to see the voice actually belonged to Robin Hood, who winked at him. "I'll talk to Tink. I'm sure she'll take every chance she gets to confront the Blue Fairy."
"Won't it get her into trouble?" Neal didn't want anyone to get into trouble for helping him.
"Don't worry, she won't. Besides, she said 'I'll do anything for my Bae'." It's uncanny that Robin could mimic Tink's tone. "If she didn't crash at my place every night for nighttime activities, I would have thought she fancied you."
Neal blushed. "It's not like that. She never fancied me. She was just like my older sister."
"I know, mate, I know. I was just pulling your leg. I will get the list tonight and text you. How does that sound?"
Neal smiled. "Thanks. I know I can always rely on you."
"Salute, man. You have all these chicks helping you. First, Mulan. Now, Tinkerbelle. What's your secret?" Victor whispered.
Neal still couldn't quite forgive Whale for throwing him to the sharks. "Shut up or I'll report you to Ruby."
Victor raised both hands in surrender. "Just joking. Where is your sense of humor?"
"It has gone along with my stuff. Can I go home now?"
"Wait a minute! I have a proposition for you. If you help me out in this 'Storybrooke War of the Roses 2012', we …"
"Is that what you're calling it now? Storybrooke War of the Roses 2012? What kind of name is that?"
"Shut up, Mr. I-tried-to-look-as-inconspicuous-as possible-anywhere. What I wanted to say was if you helped me tonight, we will help collect your stuff so you can gather them more quickly. As I understand, you have three days. The more help, the merrier. Isn't it?"
That was really tempting. Unless it was about medical advice, it was actually a bad idea to listen to Victor (Jack and Jill could attest to that) or Hook or most of the male population of Storybrooke, scratch that, most of the male population of every world. Peter Pan, anyone? However, he had a lot of stuff so it would really be a chore to collect them in three days.
"OK!" To his horror, he realized it was his voice. As usual, his impulsive side of the brain won in these kinds of argument. Might as well. "What do I need to do tonight?"
"You're the man. Just wait and see!"
He knew it was a bad idea. However, he had faced Pan, his freaking grandpa (still needed a few sessions with Archie to talk about it), a few times. It couldn't be worse, right?
Notes:
-Based on the spoilers, the possibility to gather at the Rabbit Hole may become AU so I will just pair people that make sense, not necessarily canon, as it's AU anyway. Thanks to Meresger for the Robin/Tink idea.
-The guys' woes will be in the next chapter before we go to the girls'. Thought? Ideas?
-After the events of Quiet Minds, I'm not sure whether to continue this story. I'll put in on indefinite hiatus at least for now until I know what to do.
