Title: "Less Intensity"
Summary: Anamaria's laying in bed, her thoughts showing their ugly side."
She stared in the dark, looking and seeing pretty much nothing. Her heart pounding in her chest. Her eyes brimming with tears and her throat clogging with the same sadness. Her slender fist in a ball, brown fingers tight and pressing. She listened until she heard the familiar lure of slumber. She waited then let the silent tears, hot and scolding on her brown face.
It was always the same thing. It was a horrid cycle of real love, real tenderness, and then utter neglect. Utter intolerence and defeat of emotions.
She rolled on her side feeling disgusted with herself for being so stupid. She always let him do this to her, use her emotions against her. She knew in his eyes, she was about as important as a glass of rum. Once he quenched his thirst for her, she no longer mattered. He would as readily slake his lust with some other woman, as with her.
To be fair, Jack was very forthcoming in his ways. He never once denied that he was still on the market, and she never once made it clear she didn't share. This was no problem at first because she didn't love him. Almost two years later, and she was totally a mess. Her heart beating in an unforgiving rhythm of love, and she hated herself. She would rather die than feel love. Love was a waste. Love was a trap. Love was the damn reason she was in his bed, was the reason she felt used, stupid and miserable.
Jack's tan arm snaked around her waist and she cringed from it. His claims of love falling on death ears now. A man would not claim love and make a woman feel less than amazing. She felt like the garbage in the lower deck. She didn't matter to him, and yet he mattered a whole lot to her.
Anamaria's tears doubled as she felt her pain increase. She could leave him she knew. She could forget him and never see him again. She could do a lot of things, but he would forever be the reason she saw love as a lost cause. He would be the reason she would never trust that feeling again. For she loved him innocently, truly, whole, and he only loved her for the time it took to find someone new.
