The Glamoire

Francie fell through a hole in the ceiling of a room, which closed up immediately after her.  She found herself lying on the floor of a spotless white room, which contained only a single chair and a table.  On the table was a book.  Francie sat up slowly, rubbing her eyes.  

"Where am I?"

She saw the table, chair and book and decided to investigate.  Francie sat down in the chair to look through the odd text, when a loud and commanding voice boomed out from somewhere above her.  Strangely enough, it seemed to have a British accent.

"At last you have come."

Francie was so startled she fell right out of her chair.  "What the bloody hell was that?!?"

The voice returned, softer and rather sheepish.  "Sorry 'bout that.  Say, you're awfully uncoordinated for a Mary Sue."

"I'm what?  Oh no…I'm not going to be one of those.  I despise Mary Sues!"

"Oh yes you are going to be a Mary Sue.  Haven't you always wanted to go to Hogwarts?  Isn't that what you told your mother when you were visiting colleges?"

"Yes, but…"

"Well, here's your chance."

"Listen, Disembodied Voice Thingie…whatever you are.  I am not Mary Sue material."

"Obviously, I mean look at that hair…."

Francie started pulling her lank hair back into a ponytail and sneered in the general direction of the voice.  "Look, I'm having a bit of a rough day, and I certainly don't need any lip from someone who isn't even corporeal."

Suddenly the air around Francie began to shift and a hazy being flickered into focus.  An immensely perky twelve year old girl came into full view and bounded up to Francie.

"Hi!  I'm Serena!  Aren't the Harry Potter movies the coolest things ever!  Much better than the books!  I just think Harry and Draco are both just soooo dreamy and…"

Francie screamed and backed away in horror from the child.  "Noooo!  Please no!  Get it away from me!"

The voice returned, "Oh very well…"

And the younger girl suddenly disappeared.

"…but you wanted corporeal and I just thought a typical Mary Sue writer would help you get in character, so to speak."

"I told you, I'm having a rough day and I am certainly in no mood to deal with a sugar high preteen lusting after Tom Felton."  Francie shuddered. "And I'm not going to be a Mary Sue.  I can't be.  I'm not strikingly beautiful and sickeningly nice and good at everything!"

"That's what the book is for.  Take a look."

Francie stepped over to the table and looked at the gigantic book sitting in the center.  It was bright pink, with a purple feather boa border and curly purple writing on the front.  The title was The Glamoire.  Francie opened it up to the first page and began to read out loud,

"Chapter 1:  So You've Decided to Become a Mary Sue.........Oh dear Lord…"

The voice spoke again, and Francie was sure it was rubbing its hands together in anticipation.  Or it would be, if it had hands.

"Let's get started."