Head Above Water
I can't help but stare as Hope stepped out of car, her crystalline eyes hadn't seemed this hollow in the time that had passed since her return from her father's funeral. This hollowness had just started to fade a little in the last six months or so. My breath caught in my throat at the idea of Hope retreating back into her room and never coming out or speaking to anyone again, not that Hope had any friends anyways but her sarcastic poking was refreshing compared to the aching of silence that had been Hope's existence for as long as I could remember. Even in all of her sad darkness she was the definition of perfect, the way the sun shines through her hair as she stands there with her arms crossed against her chest. I can't tell if she was trying to hold herself together or keep everything out but a chill wash over my body as her eyes lock onto mine. A flicker of something is there and then her eyes are empty blue seas again, frozen in place but I can't seem to remember how to breathe. Her light blue eyes turn into dark blue storms as she clears her throat turning towards my father.
"Josie! Come on, we've got a tour to give!" Lizzie made me jump out of my skin as I realized that I was still staring at Hope. I follow obediently in my blonde twin's steps and can't help but sigh when I hug our fathers we approach the small group of people near the car. The closer to Hope I seem to get the more restricted my chest begins to feel as if something is sitting directly on my sternum, threatening to crack and tear my chest apart. My heart actually feels like it's breaking and suddenly I realize that these feelings are radiating from Hope. A deep shiver comes over me as her eyes graze mine before darting away. Lizzie and I go through their normal tour introduction but as we walked away I can't help but look back at Hope, who seems to be struggling to keep composer until she catches me looking and the normal woman of stone returned.
Normally I would be up in my room by now but I'm restless, as it seems the entire student body is which of course is normal as they wait for the full moon to rise. The wolves all trot outside for their transitioning and the vampires sulk off to their respected dorm rooms. Lizzie is plotting something with some of the other witches across the table but something seems to keep me from staying focused as my body vibrates with the need to move. "Hey Liz, I'll meet you in our room. I'm going to go get a snack before curfew." Lizzie barely nods; transfixed on whatever scheme she's emerged in. I walk down the hallway, absent-mindedly running my hand along the smooth wood grained wall with no desired destination. I close my eyes and lets my feet guide me until I'm standing outside of the theater room. The sounds of piano keys drawing me in like some kind of captivating spell, peaking inside I realize the room is completely dark except one spotlight on the stage where the music is up floating from. Feeling a little dirty for spying I turn to leave until I hear her voice; a voice that I faintly recognizes. Hope. Josie slips into the back seat as she listens intently to the words coming from the tribrid's elegant body. She closes her eyes and lets her walls down to absorb all of the feelings that seem to flood the room from Hope's strong frame.
"I've got to keep the calm before the storm. I don't want less I don't want more. Let's bar the windows and the doors, to keep me safe to keep me warm. Yeah, my life is what I'm fighting for. Can't part the sea, can't reach the shore. And my voice becomes the driving force. I won't let this pull me overboard. God keep my head above water, don't let me drown. It gets harder. I'll meet you there at the alter as I fall down to my knees. Don't let me drown." Hope's voice grew stronger as she continued to sing. I sat completely still as I am captivated by the sadness she is feeling as well as the stable but dull strength that was filling the room. "And I can't see in the stormy weather, I can't seem to keep it all together. I can't swim in the ocean like this forever. And I can't breathe." I sank comfortably into my chair and couldn't move as I watched Hope play. Not meaning to she dozed off listening to a few more songs by the young woman. The last thing I could think of was wanting to hear Hope sing to me all the time.
/H
I shut the top of the piano softly and sighed as I flicked the lights off, part of me wishing I had gone out with the wolves to run. But another part of me was longing for something completely different. I walk up the auditorium steps slowly before my eyes catch sight of someone slumped in the seat closest to the exit. As I approached to see who it is suddenly, I can't breathe and I choke on the oxygen in my lungs. I stand there for a moment debating on what I should do. Even though my mind argued my body broke into action and I can't seem to stop myself. Josie is in my arms, curled into my chest as I slowly step into the long dark hallway. Terrified I'll wake her and this whole thing will be terribly awkward and even harder to explain I begin to hum the lyrics to "Head Above Water."
Ever time I sing this song I think of you. I think loudly to myself. Her hand reaches up and clasps down tightly on the collar of my school uniform. Now I'm frozen in the middle of a four-way split, left to Josie and Lizzie's room, right to mine. My head is spinning with a million different thoughts and I can't seem to quite any of them down, I shake my head violently in hopes of clearing it then decide that it would be selfish of me to bring her to my room and also probably a little creepy. Besides she doesn't think of you like that you idiot, why would she? She's Josie Saltzman and your Hope Mikealson. What could she possibly see in you? You're a cosmic mistake. I slow my steps as I watch Josie breathe softly. I gently put her on her bed, remove her shoes then pull the blankets up. "I see you Josette Saltzman. I really see you." I whisper before looking back to the door trying to decide what to do now. I catch sight of an arm chair across from the sleeping syphon and I seem completely out of control of my own body as I sit carefully on the edge of it. Absorbing the moonlight coming through the window. I don't know how long I sat there watching her sleep but my skin crawls at the sound of the door knob rattling. Completely unsure of how I'm supposed to go about what's coming. I'm too exhausted to argue with Lizzie. My bones ache with the feeling of forced confinement and my soul is just plain tired in the kind of relentless way that I would never dare talk about to anyone.
"What are you doing here?!" Lizzie clutches her chest as she whisper shouts. I do my best to shoot her a threatening glare. Her eyes shoot to Josie's snoring mass under the blankets. I stood slowly from the chair with slumped shoulders but I stand taller now as I push passed the blonde and into the safety of the darkness of the hallway, biting down on my lip hard enough to get that metallic taste and keep the tears from falling. I practically run the rest of the way to my room once the twins' door was out of sight. Clicking it into place quietly, trying not to draw attention to myself. My back rests against the comfort of the door that not only keeps the world out but holds me in. I don't try to fight it as my knees collapse and I fall to the ground in a massive mess of sobs and gasps for air. You're such an idiot, what did you just do? You've done so well at keep yourself away from her. Why did you have to mess that up? The thought replays like a broken record until Hope drags herself into bed and lays there silently waiting for the sun to come up.
