King of the Burger

Once upon a Tuesday, James and Lily were chilling at Starbucks.

"Lily, where's the limo gone?" James inquired of his fiery redheaded temptress.

She rolled her eyes at her husband's total stupidity (a characteristic that he had possessed since his glorious exit from the womb, despite coming top of his class and perfecting the Animagus spell at the age of fifteen).

"There has never been a limo," she said.

James Potter was sad.

"I am sad," he announced. "What can we do to cheer me up?"

Lily sighed and contemplated throwing her grande frappacino in her husbands face.

"I know! We shall fetch me a crown."

"No," said Lily.

"Yes," said James.

"No," said Lily.

"Yes," said James.

"No," said Lily.

James Potter pouted.

Lily rolled her eyes at her husband's total stupidity (as she did periodically every ten seconds or so).

"There aren't any crowns here in Starbucks," she said. "In Starbucks, all men are equal."

James Potter was sad.

James Potter then stood up impressively, sending his coffee flying in Lily's face.

"No!" he cried. "I am no man's equal."

Lily rolled her eyes at her husband's total stupidity.

(Five Minutes Later)

James Potter was happy.

He sat proudly in his plastic chair, with a cardboard crown sitting proudly on top of his plastic hair. Well, not plastic, but like, totally messy.

Lily, his fiery wife of a temptress, his flame-haired paramour, rolled her eyes at her husband's total stupidity as she ate her chicken royale and wondered why her life had come to this.

"Do not roll your eyes at me, fair fiery temptress," he cried, brandishing an invisible sword. Not, like, a sword that he had covered in his invisibility cloak. The sword did not exist.

Lily's heart melted into a liquid so fiery it was like microwave custard. She recalled that fateful day when she first laid eyes on that smoking hot eleven-year old who was now her husband. He was everything she had ever wanted in an eleven-year old and more. From that day on, after that exquisitely magical meeting in the train carriage, she knew he was the one for her. It had been love at first sight. So much love, in fact, that it had consumed both eleven-year olds in fiery passion (almost as fiery as Lily's hair, nowhere near as fiery as her temper). With so much passion, Lily Evans was forced to bury it beneath her eleven-year old bosom and a mask of hatred which grew on her super hot eleven-year old face. Though it pained her, she kept up this mask of hatred for seven years. Then, she decided, enough was enough and she gave James Potter the relief that his penis had so desired since he had hit puberty.

James Potter was happy.

She smiled at her husband's total stupidity.

"I love you," she cooed. "I love you so much, my King of the Burger."

BTW they were in Burger King. They had left Starbucks due to the lack of crowns, but it took five minutes because they had to walk (no limo remember) and because they had to order and find a table and stuff.

The End.