"WOOOOOT!"

Quistis jumped. What the hell was that sound?

"QUISTEEEEE!!!!"

Fuck. It sounded like Selphie found the espresso. Coffee had the same effect on Selphie that pure Galbadian cocaine had on normal people. There was no way in hell that anybody alive could be that fucking energetic so early in the morning. It wasn't natural.

Quistis sighed, glad that Selphie at least decided to drink the coffee instead of snorting it up her nose. It had been several weeks after time compression since Quistis had visited the clinic, but lately, she had been forced to visit Dr. Kadowaki about the nightmares...

It's the same dream every night, doctor. I'm in my classroom when I hear these horrified screams and then this explosion of gunfire. There are footsteps outside of the door and I see my students. They're...they're so frightened and so lost. I want to help them so much, but I can't seem to move quickly enough. They look to me for help. So, I glance out of my window and I see...

Yes, Miss Trepe? Please continue. You're in a safe zone here. Enter your healing space. Feel your white wind...feel it as it surrounds your body in a healing breeze...feel your white wind...

I can't...it's too...

Enter your zone, Quistis....enter your zone...white wind...say it with me...WOO...just like the white winged dove...

But I...

Sings a song, sounds like she's singing...

Umm...woo?

WOO, baby, WOO, say WOO...

Just like the...what?

Sings a song, sounds like she's singing....WOO, baby, WOO, say WOO...

Umm...doctor? I don't think that her songs really apply to my situation...

Oh, but they do, child...they do...say it.

Umm, woo?

Good, child...good...be one with the white witch...now continue...

Doctor, I really think that...

Your zone, Quistis. Enter it and breathe. Relax...

Okay...t-there's Selphie on a water tower, rifle in hand, screaming that the Garden Festival is going to be a success, damn it!

Hmm...I see...is there anything else?

Well...

Yes?

Okay...she has a coffee bean lodged in her left nostril.

I see.

What does it mean, doctor?

Are you aware that the left side is often referred to as the 'sinister' side?

Well, yes, I'm sure that I've heard that...wait...where are you going with this?

I'm a medical doctor, not a psychologist, so I can't say with any certainty...

Yes? Please doctor! I need to know!

It is my professional opinion that you need to lay off the caffeine. I'm concerned that you are becoming addicted, Miss Trepe. Remember the lessons of the white witch...

I hardly think that you should compare my coffee habit to the gold dust witch, doctor...

Dr. Kadowaki prescribed a series of powerful mood stimulants and anti-depressants to Quistis after this session, firmly suggesting that she take a long vacation and increase her vitamin C intake.

"WE'RE ON A MISSION!!!!"

Selphie pounced on Quistis and wrapped her legs around the taller woman's waist, knocking her hairclip to the floor and sending her reports flying in a single-spaced and highlighted cloud.

"Selphie! Calm down! It's just a mission."

"I know, but..."

"You've been on dozens of them in the past and you've never been so excited before."

"Yeah, but it's gonna be us again! Just like old times!"

"Us?"

Selphie leapt off of Quistis' back and pranced about her classroom, kicking her rhinestone studded boots to the ceiling. "Yeah! You, me, Zell, everybody! It'll be like back in the day!"

"Back in what day?"

"Oh, you know! When we were all together and doing some adventurin'!"

Quistis ground her teeth together and counted to ten. Adventurin' was something she hoped to leave behind, like the first time she purchased tampons and the clerk had to do a price check, or the time that she found Zell and his girlfriend in a very compromising situation in the non-fiction section of the library. She knew that Zell was flexible, but she hadn't realized that he could do anything like that until she saw his girlfriend licking his...and heard Zell preaching about the merits of Goodbye Pupurun...

One, two, three...

"Selphie, there is a difference between a mission and an adventure."

...three, four, five...

"They're sendin' us out to arrest Seifer! Boy, I can't wait! I'm gonna cram my foot so far up his ass that he'll have to take off my sock to brush his teeth."

Quistis closed her eyes and continued the count to thirty. Relaxation techniques required a hell of a lot more work when Selphie Tilmitt and her bloody bouncing exuberance were involved.

--------------------------------------------------------------

"Everybody here? Good. Now, we've been briefed on the situation. Almasy is being held at a top secret facility in Deling City, so all we have to do is retrieve him and bring him back to Garden."

Zell's hand shot up. "Wait. I don't get it. Why do we have to bring him back here? He's a douchebag and a dick."

"Yeah! And he tried to feed me to a drag queen! What am I supposed to do? Just forgive him so that he can move back here and start a series of misadventures?"

Quistis rolled her eyes when Rinoa leapt out of her seat and ran to Squall. True, Adel wasn't the most attractive sorceress ever, but she didn't look like a man in drag. Her lipliner was crooked and she needed to pluck her eyebrows, but Quistis thought that the poor dear did the best with what she had. It wasn't her fault that she looked like...hmm. Well, okay...so she looked like a bad queen that didn't know the difference between summer and autumn tones.

"Now, everybody calm down. We're supposed to accept him because Cid and Edea have decided that he is still a part of us, even though he might have to go through a series of tests to prove that he is a changed man. I'm sure that I'll be hesitant at first and Rinoa will be the first to forgive him, then Zell, then Selphie..." Squall paused for a second, almost as if he was wondering what could possess him to say such things about a man that he despised. "...yeah, Selphie will discover that he was under mind control the whole time and forgive him because she's just bubbly that way, then Irvine will flirt a bit and say something deep and meaningful, then Quistis will..."

At this, Quistis raised her head and looked at Squall with bored eyes. It all seemed so familiar...

"Quistis will be the one that's forced to take him under her wing and realize the error of his ways..."

"WAIT!"

"Yeah! Ain't we got a say so in this?"

Squall acknowledged the contributions of Fujin and Raijin before resuming his oh-so-inspiring-leader speech. "What?"

"So, he's our boss and all, so don't we get to go with you guys and get him?"

"REASONABLE."

"I'm afraid not. You two have miraculously been forgiven for your crimes and now you are here at Garden."

"Really? Even though we..."

"DESTRUCTION."

"Yeah, we killed a lot of folks, ya know."

Squall rubbed his chin. "Yes, but that has been forgiven in order to move the plot."

"CONVENIENT."

Quistis allowed herself a small chuckle when Squall bit his lip in frustration. It would be interesting to see how the members of SeeD and the members of the Disciplinary Committee behaved once Seifer Almasy, chosen one and forgotten antagonist would be treated once he returned to Balamb Garden.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Note: I'm going to use this fic as an outlet for every little thing that bothered me about FFVIII. OH! I've used lines from Stevie Nicks and Edge of Seventeen. Stevie Nicks is fucking great, but she was addicted to blow for years. So, you know...coffee=cocaine...addiction...get it? Plus, Stevie and Quistis are both blonde, so that was fun to type.

So, Squall is supposed to be bad-ass, huh? That pussy? Are you fucking kidding me?

Rinoa is the princess that everyone is supposed to love, huh? Funny...it didn't work that way for me.

Raijin borrowed Goodbye Pupurun from the library and never returned it? Zell wanted that book and never got to read it? They never fought over it? What the fuck? Two dimwits battling over a children's book? Oh yeah...it's coming....

Quistis and Seifer and that DELIGHTFUL chemistry? Oh yeah...it's coming...

Irvine and Selphie? A hat and a camera? And they didn't end up naked? Oh yeah...it's coming...

Fuijin's eyepatch, Zone's porn, Nida's miraculous piloting skills, Triple Triad, Xu's thigh high boots, that fucking elixir-addled alien...

So many things that piqued my curiosity...

Oh yeah...it's coming...