Asphodel

A/N: Apologies for any inaccuracies, it seems that I have to replay Mecha Ace soon.

Mecha Ace (c) Paul Wang.

"They die, Asadi, and you'll probably watch them die. You'll have to stand vigil at the memorial service, maybe even give a eulogy. You'll have to write their parents the letter that tells them their little boy or girl isn't coming home. You'll have to do these things but if you know deep down that there was nothing more you could have done to prevent their death from happening, then doing all those things hurts less. It'll still hurt but at least it'll become more...bearable."

Lies. Nothing makes it more bearable.

You remember the battle. You remember the despair as most of the fleet disappeared after one blast from that damned Lightbearer, Imperial's newest and strongest weapon. You remember charging towards it alone and commanded your Lance to fall back and protect whatever remains of the fleet. You were well aware it was a suicidal move and hoped the rest of your Lance fared better than you.

But fate decided to toy with you. Somehow, you got back into Caliburn safely, while your Lance are declared missing in action.

No memorial service. No funeral. The air feels heavy as you, and everyone else, silently acknowledged the missing faces.

You don't get the chance to give a eulogy for Asadi.

"My family lives on Libertad III..."

What would you say, though? That he's a good wingman and a valued friend?

A tap on your cockpit brought you back from your combat shakes. "You alright in there?" Asadi asked, his face worried.

Are we even...friends? Or are we more than that?

"Do you want to do something after everything quiets down a bit, y'know, like coffee or dinner, just the two of us? I found this nice place just outside the docking module..."

You don't get the chance to know, for that date would never happen. Because unknowingly you sent Asadi, and your whole Lance, to their doom. It hurts. You hope Lightbearer hit you. You hope Impies killed you back then. You hope Hawkins didn't save you, whatever her motive is. Because this hurts so bad, and death seems nicer that you hoped for it.

"Just come back, okay?"

But there's no time to grieve as you have another battle to win.