I'M A BAD BABYSITTER

Pairing: Will contain lots of Max and Alec shenanigans, and hopefully comedic appearances by Logan, Mole, Biggs, Cece and the gang. Might possibly turn into M/A depending on the reception and lifespan of such an inane plot.

Rating: My default setting is M. I have a potty mouth…

Summary: Set after Freak Nation. After many months of petitioning for citizenship and equality by the transgenics the American Government finally concedes, but with a few non-negotiable terms of their own…

Disclaimer: I hereby declare, decree and dictate that Alec is the most witty, annoyingly charming, adorable and yummy character ever to have appeared on my boob-tube. Oh, and I don't own him…*sobs*

The title and original idea for this story came from a cheeky song called 'Bad Babysitter' by Princess Superstar.

WARNING: This might possibly be one of the most ridiculously, far-fetched and frivolous ideas for a story… but in my defence I was bored and eager to write M/A again. Plus, I was kind of keen to see if I could turn this most absurd idea into something amusing (I feel like trying to push some boundaries) while still being able to convince people to read and review. If I have overestimated this story or my ability, please feel free to set me straight at once! ;D


Freedom...But At What Cost?

We interrupt this program to bring you this breaking story. The President of the United States has just this morning passed new legislation that will, from this day forth, declare all transgenics and transhumans free citizens of The United States of America. This is an astounding development that many did not see coming so early into the debate on the fate of transgenics. As we have seen there has been conflicting opinions across the country concerning the future of transgenics and their place in society. It is believed that the driving force behind the government's decision today was their fear that should transgenics not gain equal rights, they might defect to countries hostile to the United States and prove a grave security risk. The government has, however, placed conditions upon their qualifying for U.S. citizenship. Every transgenic of breeding age must complete a comprehensive parenting program to be eligible for citizenship. This is Sandra Sultry for--

Minutes passed in silence as the room full of transgenics and transhumans stood around trying to comprehend the bizarre news broadcast. T.C.'s Headquarters were bursting at the seems with nearly every transgenic in residence squashed into the too small room.

"Ahh… what just happened?" Alec finally asked no one in particular as he rubbed the back of his neck in confusion.

"I have no idea, but I think I must be dreaming," Max replied quietly as she continued to stare at the now blank television screen in shock.

"Oww!" she yelped in pain as someone pinched her arm sharply.

"What the hell was that for?!" she snapped as she swung around to face Alec, her annoyance plainly written on her face as she rubbed her arm.

"A carefully formulated scientific experiment conducted in order to determine the validity of your hypothesis," Alec replied, the picture of innocence.

"And what did your experiment conclude?" Max scowled, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Well preliminary trails indicate that you are in fact not asleep, however further trails will need to be conducted in order to—"

"Oww!"

"—confirm and strengthen this—"

"Oww!"

"—conclusion," Alec finished, flashing a cheeky grin at Max; who by now had sought safety across the other side of the room while still watching him warily.

"Why do you think they really did it?" Dix asked, interrupting everyone's thoughts.

"Who the hell cares!" groused Mole. "As long as they're not trying to lock me up, shoot me, or turn my insides into a theme park for science geeks to give guided tours through, I'm all for it."

Alec suddenly turned to Max and gave her a decidedly wicked look, causing her apprehension to spike as she tried to tuck her arms more firmly into her sides and out of his reach. "Hey Maxie, what dya say we go celebrate at Crash tonight?" he asked excitedly, his eyes sparkling.

A broad smile slowly spread across Max's face. "First round is on me!"

As Max and Alec walked into Crash side by side that night, they were bickering as usual. Alec casually slung his arm over Max's shoulders and whispered suggestively into her ear.

"Ewwww! I did not do anything of the sort!" Max replied hotly, giving Alec a sharp elbow in the ribs, making him grunt in pain.

"Come on Max, you can tell me. Who am I gonna tell anyway?" he said, flashing her a cheeky grin that belied his words. They both knew that if his suggestion was in fact true, he would personally announce it to the whole world and then mercilessly tease her about it for the rest of her life. Or his… which ever proved to be shorter. And Max silently promised herself that she was personally going to see to it that Alec met his demise first.

"You're disgusting, Alec! How could you suggest that I could… I would never…" Max struggled with her words, getting flustered.

Alec smirked at her discomfort. "So you're telling me that you didn't offer to provide The President with certain…services… in exchange for the freedom of your people?"

"Of course not!"

"Well what other explanation am I to make for his sudden acceptance of all things transgenic?" he asked innocently, raising an eyebrow. "You were in charge of public relations after all," he said slyly, baiting her.

"I don't care if you conclude extraterrestrial mind control!" Max said, stopping abruptly to get in his face. "I. Did. Not. Have. Sexual. Relations. With. The. President!" she hissed, poking his chest with her finger to emphasise every word.

Alec carefully leaned closer and whispered into her ear. "Pity. Maybe if you had we could have moved out of TC four months ago. I have a feeling you could be very persuasive if you put your… mind… to it." Alec smirked broadly as he deftly sidestepped her fist and headed towards their friends.

"So Boo, what's goin' on with all this transgenics bein' free business?" Cindy asked once they were all finally settled around a table with their drinks.

Alec leaned back in his chair. "Actually, I have a theory —"

"D'know, it's a mystery," Max interjected loudly, shooting Alec a deadly glare. Alec simply winked at her and raised his glass, amusement playing in his eyes.

"Well, whatever da reason, Original Cindy gives thanks to it," she said raising her glass in cheers, and the others followed, all clanking glasses heartily with each other. "It's good to have the gang back together finally. It's a not so small miracle," she declared happily, "one that O.C. didn't think she might ever get to see again."

"Yeah, well that not so small miracle comes with a not so small price tag," Max grumbled into her beer, a scowl etching itself into her brow.

"Oh come on Maxie, look on the bright side. How hard can it be to rock a crib and not drop a kid? It'll be a walk in the park," Alec declared confidently, taking a sip of scotch.

"I don't know Alec," Cece said, "if it's so easy why do so many people abandon their kids or put them up for adoption?"

"Yeah man," Biggs piped up seriously, "and look at the statistics for single parent families. There's gotta be a reason for that."

Alec snorted derisively. "Oh come on guys. We're highly trained, highly adaptable deception artists. I think we can convince some public servant running a parenting clinic that we could keep a kid alive for a week if the need ever arises. Hell, you would think the fact that we managed to keep ourselves alive for twenty years under Manicore's barbaric rule should give us enough credit points to skip the damn class altogether."

"While that is a nice thought, I don't think that is gonna happen man," Biggs said with a chuckle. "I think we're just gonna have to suck it up and make sure that we all pass." He suddenly pinned Alec with an evil look. "Plus, I am dying to see if you're that cocky when faced with changing a diaper. I've had the misfortune of being in the general vicinity when Gem's changing Hope, and boy, that kid can plant a dirty bomb like no other I know. And brother let me tell you, our training does not cover that sort of olfactory warfare!"

The table suddenly erupted into chuckles at Alec's now slightly worried - and green hued - face.

"So why do ya think they're makin' ya all go through this silly course?" Cindy asked.

"We're not entirely sure," Max replied, glancing at Alec to make sure he agreed. "The only explanation I can think of is to make sure that we bring our kids up as good little patriotic American's. They probably just want the excuse for a last minute refresher course on all things great and American to make sure we're not going to defect, and that any kids - being potentially as naturally talented as their parents - are brought up loyal to the mother country."

"Y'know, tha' makes a lot o' sense," Sketchy slurred, before his head hit the table with a resounding 'wack'.

"Guess we'll find out tomorrow how much of that little theory is true," Alec said seriously, looking Max in the eye, and a heavy silence descended over the table.


Anyone who would like a continuation, say 'I'...