THIS IS JUST A SILLY ONE SHOT I THOUGHT OFF WHILE LAYING IN BED ONE MORNING HOPEFULLY IT WONT BE TOO BAD LOL ENJOY
One evening Soldier was in the kitchen cooking. He volunteered to cook dinner that night. He was humming the Star Spangled Banner while stirring the stew. Just then Medic walked in the kitchen.
"Vhat is that amazing shmell?" He asked .
"Oh I'm just making some beef stew for dinner tonight" Soldier responded.
"It shmells really good I hope it tashtes as good as it shmells" he sat down at the table.
"It's almost done" Soldier said.
After he finished making the stew he grabbed bowls and spoons for everyone. And called everyone in to eat they all came running and sat at the table. He filled their bowls and got them some bread to go with it. He got himself some then sat at the end of the table. The Scout was the first one to take a bite his eyes grew wide and he fell out of his chair. The Medic was poking him.
"He's unconscious" The Medic said.
"What happened to make him faint like that?" The Spy wondered.
The Spy took a bite and his faced turned green. He ran out of the room to throw up. Medic shrugged and tried a spoonful. He immediately spat it out and reached over and grabbed the Scout's Scatter gun and blew his own brains out. Engineer's body couldn't process the nastiness he had just tasted so he just sat there eyes wide trembling. Demoman ran out of the room screaming holding a live grenade you heard an explosion in the distance. Sniper was on the floor convulsing and throwing up. Soldier was eating it like it was the best thing ever.
"This is worst thing Heavy has ever eaten" Heavy said and ran out the room crying.
Pyro went on a burning spree setting everything on fire. Then he banged his head on a rock until he died of head trauma Soldier just sat there shocked as the mercs were screaming and things were burning and blowing up in the background it was like the apocalypse had started. Soldier looked out the window. Spy was running in circles screaming for someone to put him out of his misery until he jumped off a cliff. Heavy was bating robots to attack him. He saw the Pyro dead next to a bloody rock. Sniper writhed on the floor until he died. Engineer's heart finally failed and he fell out of his chair dead. Scout was still unconscious.
"It wasn't that bad was it?" The Soldier said as walked over to the Scout and shot him in his head
"Well someone had to do it" He shrugged.
Miss Pauling was looking at the window.
"Uh Helen something is going on at the base" She said.
"What are you talking about?" Helen got up and came over.
The base was on fire she heard screaming and saw things exploding. She sighed and they went over there to see what was going on. When they arrived they went in and started looking around. Miss Pauling screamed Helen ran towards her scream. And there on the floor in the dining room lied the Medic Engineer and Scout. The Soldier walked in.
"What the blazes happened here!?" Helen yelled.
"Well you see I made this stew for everyone and after they tried it they started killing themselves and randomly dying oh and the Pyro set the base on fire" The Soldier laughed nervously.
"Are you kidding me I didn't drink enough coffee for this day" Helen face palmed.
"Here wanna try some" He offered her a bowl.
She snatched it sniffed it then took a bite her eyes were as wide as quarters she clenched her chest and fell backwards dead the nastiness of the food made her have a heart attack. Miss Pauling bent down to grab the bowl she tested it.
"EWWW!" She screamed and jumped out a two story window.
The following morning the Soldier was standing there looking at the ashes of the base and his dead teammates. He arranged funerals for them only he attended.
"Was it that bad?" He wondered. He shrugged grabbed his gun and shot himself in the head.
WELL THAT'S IT YES THEY ARE ALL IDIOTS AREN'T THEY
