Dorcas Meadowes did not want to die.

They will say afterwards when they bury her that she accepted death, that she went quietly to the black but this is a lie. It is of no honor to her name nor any comfort to those who loved her. Lily and Alice will never think brightly on their best friends passing and when he holds the ring he meant to give her Fabian Prewett will feel no sense of relief. At the little funeral Dumbledore will speak of her kindness, devotion and strength, words equally meaningless to those who gather there for they have already been said so many times. Said for Marlene, Benjy, Clare… though each Phoenix does not say it they wonder when the same words will be said for them.

Dorcas Meadowes did throw down her wand and wait for death. When Voldemort came for her, with the intention of snuffing out her life she fought back. It may have been meaningless, useless and wasteful, she knew full well the grave lay waiting but it did not matter. When they found her fragile body crumpled on the floor of her dead parents home like a cast aside doll they had to wash away the scarlet to see that she was smiling. They will wonder for a long time what last thought made her smile.

A smile, a laugh, these are the things those who loved her want to remember. They will remember the way she used to sit in the parlor of headquarters late into the night drinking her funny muggle coffee. They will think of the way she would speak with her hands when she was excited, mirroring the life in her eyes. Someday they may even smile when they think of the way she used to pace and fret and worry aloud until someone would tell her to stop running down the carpet and calm down. At least those who survive the war might but it isn't very likely. Life will go on and Dorcas Meadowes will probably be forgotten and the little that is remembered will be small and fleeting, they will not remember the little things. They will remember nothing true.

Dorcas Meadowes fought to live. She fought to be Dory Prewett, to be loved by those who loved her and have the chance to love them in return. Even though the fight was useless it was not for nothing. In her struggle, in the unnecessary pain where there could have been a quiet passing into light as green as her eyes, she gave away her future. It was not thrown down like a worthless thing but treasured and held close until it burned out. She clung to precious things, the way she, Marlene, Lily and Alice used to giggle in the Gryffindor common room as they watched the snow fall, how her stepmother used to send her cookies in the mail, the way her pillows smelled of Fabian's hair…

When she finally met her end, her body broken and her strength gone she did not falter. With the dignity of a queen she looked at the man who made himself a god without fear and when the green light flashed she wished only that she could have lived. To live another day with Fabian seemed the most beautiful thing in the world, to marry him, to have a family with him, a dream so close to her that she felt the only regret in dying for him was that she would not get the chance to live with him.

Dorcas Meadowes fought to live but it wasn't enough and she fell to ash like the phoenix she was.