Jan 1, 2000
Y2K didn't end the world. New Year's Eve almost did Dean in, though. He's upstairs, immobile. I don't feel good myself.
Jan 2, 2000
Oh Mary, please forgive me. I was so scared that it turned to anger and I definitely took it out on Dean's ass. When he pulled up in the Impala and could barely even get out of the car because he was so drunk, I saw red. He could have been killed or killed someone. He couldn't even walk yet he got behind the wheel of a car.
I'm not proud that I didn't wait to calm down before I took my belt off. I started whacking his ass with it as soon as I saw the condition he was in. I took it off, doubled it up and started swinging not really careful where it landed. He sobered up quickly as I used it to steer him inside.
I'm ashamed that when I looked up and saw Sammy, his eyes were full of fear and tears. Too angry to quit, I yelled at him and told him to go to his room now. I'll never forget the look in his eyes as he turned and ran to his room. Too bad his disappointment in my actions didn't stop me from what I did next.
I used my belt to direct Dean to the living room. I ordered him to bare his bottom and bend over the couch. When he begged me not to do it that way, I let my belt convince him to obey.
He did as ordered and held on to the cushions for dear life. I noticed his knuckles were white he held on so tightly. He tried to remain stoic, but I was having none of that. I lectured him all the while letting my belt emphasize my points.
It wasn't until he begged me to stop that I realized I had taken it too far. Way too far. Mary what the hell did I do to our boy. I can't even look at myself in the mirror without feeling disgusted with what I see. He took unnecessary chances with his life tonight and I can't loose him or Sammy either. I took my fear of losing someone else I love out on Dean's poor ass.
It will be a while before he can sit comfortably. How can I even look at either of the boys tomorrow? I really don't know how to make this right. Right now I feel like I'm the one with the demon blood and not Sam.
We're heading to Bobby's in an hour. I need him to make sure the boys are okay. Thank God we are only 1 day out. Sam can drive and Dean can lie in the back seat.
Jan 3, 2000
We got to Bobby's and he got the boys settled in. I was out back banging on an old car with a sledge hammer when he came to find me. I wasn't surprised at all when he came at me fists blaring. I didn't fight back. I just stood there and let him get his anger out. In a way it made me feel good to get some punishment for what I did to Dean.
Bobby told me in no uncertain terms that if I ever did that to either of the boys ever again, he would shot me where I stood. He agreed that Dean was due a hell of a spanking but a whipping was uncalled for. He told me that I had better never punish the boys when I was angry or scared again.
Mary, what he did next I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around. I stood there wiping the blood from my lips when I looked over and Bobby was undoing his belt. I looked at him like he had lost his mind or something when he told me in no uncertain terms to bare my ass and bend over the hood of the car I'd been abusing.
Needless to say, he had to convince me the same way I convinced Dean, with his belt. Can you imaging me, John Winchester, dropping trow and bending over the hood of a car for an ass whipping?
Mary, you'll be happy to know, that I'm now sporting a sore and bruised backside. Bobby took me to task and didn't let up until I was a sobbing pile of mush begging for him to stop. My whole body hurts, partly from his fists flying and partly from the belt. From the bottom of my thighs to the top of my ass is nothing but a burning hot fire.
Just as quickly as he came out to show me his feelings, Bobby left me to wallow in my grief. He didn't say anything he just allowed me to wrap my head around what I'd done to Dean and what he'd done to me. I had no pressure or time limit; I just worked through it all in my head.
30 minutes later I slowly walked up the steps and into Bobby's kitchen. Bobby looked up at me, told me to grab a beer and sit because we needed to talk. Sitting was the last thing I wanted to do but, I figured I shouldn't poke the bear. Once I had my beer, I tried to sit without out flinching, but failed miserably. Bobby chuckled.
Bobby looked me straight in the eyes and told me that he didn't care that Dean was 21 and Sam was 17 if I ever took a belt to either one of the boys in anger again, nobody would ever find my body! He thought I had lost my mind when I broke out into a huge smile, chuckled and told him, "Thank you for being such a great friend Singer," then downed my beer.
Mary, thanks to Bobby, we just might just be okay.
