A/N: I know, I know, another story? Just bear with me; this one wanted to be posted. To begin with, this story is not going to be an easy story to read, or write. It involves rape, cutting, abuse, depression, and suicide. If any of these offend you, please don't read. The issues in this story have not affected me personally, but are very personal to me. My best friend has been dealing with some of these issues for a long time, and I know how tough it is on her. It still is affecting her, and it isn't easy. I love her, though, and will support her forever. She is the inspiration behind this, and my beta for the harder aspects of this.
It's an AU in the sense that Jenny never experienced what I'm having her experience (that we know of). It takes place mid-season five- it's an AU version of 'Requiem', basically. You'll understand as you read. I do hope you leave me a review, telling me what you thought!
Also, the title is from the song 'Broken' by Seether, featuring Amy Lee, which partially inspired this, and which I strongly recommend you listen to.
For Evelyn, who is the best friend a girl could ask for.
Disclaimer: I own only the plot, the characters are owned by Don Bellisario.
The bullpen was relatively quite for three in the afternoon.
Paperwork had been completed half an hour before, there were no active cases, and Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo was a happy man. He was currently stretched out in his chair, feet up on his desk as he relaxed, his eyes closed as he attempted to take a brief nap. He was just dozing off when his head shot forward, being on the receiving end of a famous Gibbs-slap.
"DiNozzo, what do you think you're doin'?" Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs asked, coffee cup in hand as he glared at his senior field agent.
"Uhh…just resting my eyes boss. It was only for a second." Tony said, sitting up straight and attempting to pry his eyes open, sleep still tugging at the corners. Jethro raised an eyebrow, not believing it. "Won't happen again boss."
"I should hope not, Agent DiNozzo." the crystalline voice of Director Jennifer Shepard said as it floated into the bullpen as she walked in to stand next to Jethro. In her crisp tan slacks and printed blouse underneath a red sweater and her classic heels, she was striking, her red hair pulled half-back in a clip. She held a coffee cup identical to Jethro's in her hand, and Tony suspected they'd gotten it together. "I'm not paying you to sleep."
"Course you aren't ma'am." Tony said, a tad uneasy. What was the Director doing in the bullpen anyway?
"Glad to hear it, Agent DiNozzo." Jenny said, smiling at him. She went to sit on the edge of Jethro's desk, looking down at him. Tony watched them, confused. What was going on with the boss and the boss lady?
He glanced across the bullpen at his partner, Officer Ziva David. He raised an eyebrow, jerking his head in the pair's direction. She mimicked his actions, shaking her head slightly. So it was a mystery to her as well.
Everyone was well aware that the infamous Hollis Mann had left the scene. It had only been a matter of time before she'd gone; everyone knew that she and Jethro weren't going to last. After the case with Jethro's third ex-wife, things had fallen apart- this was common knowledge, though Jethro didn't know it.
But was something brewing with the Director? Tony was curious, but for once, felt that this was something that he didn't need to be involved in. If the boss and the lady boss decided that they were going to get into a relationship, he wasn't going to mess it up by placing bets on it. They both deserved happiness; things hadn't exactly been easy the past few weeks.
Jenny sipped her coffee, well aware of the eyes on her. Jethro raised an eyebrow at her, and she returned the movement, shrugging her shoulders.
She knew Tony would be gossiping about this come tomorrow morning. It would be all over the building by lunch tomorrow. But, he'd be wrong.
There was nothing going on between herself and Jethro, as much as she wanted there to be.
She had to admit though, things had been better recently, since Hollis Mann had left, but they still had a long way to go. And she could be patient. After all she'd waited almost nine years for even just a chance.
Everyone looked up when the elevator dinged, and a young woman with blonde hair stepped off, looking around. Curious as to why she was there, Jenny stood, getting off of Jethro's desk. The girl walked over to them, and Jenny noticed just the faintest bump in her lower torso. Why was a pregnant young woman walking timidly into the bullpen?
"I'm…I'm looking for Special Agent Gibbs?" the pretty young woman asked, her voice tiny and quiet as her teeth sunk nervously into her bottom lip. She tucked a strand of dirty blonde hair behind her ear, her hazel eyes darting around the group, settling on each person for a moment before moving her gaze.
"I'm Special Agent Gibbs." Jethro said, standing up. He was curious and confused as to why this young woman was looking for him. He didn't recognize her, and was unsure as to why she would be looking for him, and at work, nonetheless.
"I'm Maddie. Maddie Tyler." the woman replied, looking up to meet his gaze. "Do you remember me at all?"
Jethro looked over the girl once more, waiting for a flicker of recollection to appear. Nothing came.
"No, sorry, I don't." he said apologetically, dipping his head slightly.
"Well, it has been a while." Maddie said, the tiniest flicker of a smile crossing her face. "I used to come over to your house. I was…I was Kelly's best friend. At least, that's how I remember myself, as Kelly's best friend. I like to think she thought so too."
"You lived on base?" Jethro asked, memories starting to flood his mind.
"Marine brat." she confirmed quietly, nodding slightly. "My dad was an officer."
"I remember." Jethro said softly, smiling minutely. "Good man."
Jenny watched the exchange, smiling ever-so-slightly. So this young woman had known Jethro's daughter. She knew that this had to be bittersweet for him, and she looked at him, took in the distant look in his brilliant blue eyes. He was obviously lost in memories.
"He retired. Moved back to Oakland. Died a couple years ago." Maddie said, a note of sadness touching her voice. Jenny knew that feeling, all too well. "But that's not why I'm here."
"Would you like to talk in a conference room, Miss Tyler?" Jenny interrupted, bringing the girl's attention over to her. She didn't think the young woman would want to tell Jethro whatever she needed to in front of the entire team. "You'll have more privacy there than here in the middle of the bullpen."
"Okay thank you…" Maddie said, biting her lip when she realized she didn't know Jenny's name.
"Director Shepard." Jenny answered, smiling kindly. Maddie nodded, still not letting herself smile fully. "Right this way. Agent Gibbs?"
Jethro nodded, standing and following Jenny and Maddie up the stairs to an empty conference room. He was still confused as to why Maddie was there, but he figured he'd find out soon enough.
Jenny held the door open for Maddie and Jethro, nodding to him slightly. She smiled at Maddie, walking towards the door after they'd been seated.
"I'll leave you two alone then."
"Could you stay?" Jenny's eyes widened slightly at the hesitant question. That tone was so familiar to her. Those words brought her back to another time, another girl, and another plea.
"Of course I can." Jenny said softly, memories still running through her brain, of a time when she'd told someone no, and regretted it more than she'd ever thought possible. She closed the door behind her quietly and sat at the end, Maddie on her right side and Jethro on her left.
Maddie took a deep breath, closing her eyes briefly, collecting her thoughts before speaking, her voice quiet and timid-sounding.
"It wasn't supposed to be like this. This wasn't supposed to happen, not this way." she started, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "He seemed nice enough, to begin with. He was in a few of my classes at Georgetown. We went out a few times, but I wasn't ready to be in a relationship, not yet. He didn't want to hear it. After about our third date, I told him that I didn't think we should go out anymore, but instead of being understanding like I thought he would, he…he…"
Jenny winced the tiniest bit when she heard Maddie stall, knowing what she wasn't saying already. It explained everything, and Jenny's heart went out to her. This wasn't a social visit. She was a victim.
"Were you raped, Maddie?" Jenny asked gently, not wanting the girl to go into the whole story just yet. The young woman lifted her tear-filled hazel eyes to meet Jenny's tender green ones, and nodded, stifling a tiny sob.
"Did you go to the police?" Jethro asked, his voice the tiniest bit rough as he tried and failed to hide the emotion he was feeling.
"I went the next night, after he'd finally left. They said they couldn't do anything, because there wasn't any evidence. Apparently, I'd waited too long." Maddie said, her voice breaking on the last word. "I…I came here because I do have evidence, now. And because he's a Marine."
"What kind of evidence, Maddie?" Jenny asked, fearing the worst.
"About…about two months ago, I missed my period. I didn't believe it, not at first. I thought it was impossible. But, it happened." Maddie said, shrinking even more into the chair.
"Maddie, are you saying that you're pregnant, and it's your rapist's?" Jenny asked, her heart stopping in her chest at the fear in the young woman's eyes. Maddie nodded quickly, tears starting to fall.
"I…I wanted to end it but…I'm Catholic. I couldn't. It isn't the baby's fault. But…I can't keep it. I just…I couldn't do it." Maddie said, more tears slipping down her cheeks. "I don't know how I can do this but…I don't have any other choice."
Jenny closed her eyes. These words were so familiar. Her heart ached in her chest, pain flooding her veins at the memories.
"What's the Marine's name?" Jethro asked, clearing his throat roughly beforehand.
"Rudi Haas." Maddie whispered, crossing her arms over her chest, as if she were holding herself together. "He's going to school to be a vet, like I was. He joined the Marines right out of high school, but after his first tour he came back and went to school. He lives on campus."
Jethro raised his eyes to Jenny's, shocked by the moisture the clung to the heavy lashes surrounding the vivid shade of green. Why was Jenny looking close to crying?
Jenny discretely wiped at her eyes, the moisture that hung from her lashes coming off on her sleeve. Jethro was looking at her in concern, and Maddie was catching her breath, wiping her own tears away with the tissues Jenny had pushed towards her earlier. Taking a deep breath, she continued on.
"You'll need to write a formal report, and retell the night of your rape. I know it'll be hard, but you'll have to give details. I'd also like our medical examiner, Dr. Mallard, to look you over. Just to check that everything is alright." Jenny said, explaining everything to Maddie. When Jenny had said she wanted Maddie to be examined, the girl's eyes widened, fear entering the hazel irises.
"No, no it's fine I don't need to be examined. I'm fine." she said, her words rushed and slightly jumbled. Jenny looked at her in concern, confused.
That's when Jethro noticed the cuts on her forearms for the first time, and his eyebrows crinkled in concern. Maddie seemed to feel his eyes, because she tugged self-consciously on her rolled-up sleeves, the fabric sliding down to cover the marks.
"Maddie…what were those from?" he asked, his voice soft and gentle with concern. The girl raised her eyes to meet his, their hazel color obscured with tears.
"Na…nothing." she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
"Maddie…Maddie are you hurting yourself?" Jenny asked softly, her heart in her throat as she awaited the girl's next words. She desperately hoped to hear the word 'no'; she knew the pain behind those beautiful hazel eyes, and she didn't want this girl to be feeling what she had. Watching the young woman dip her head, her blonde hair falling forward to cover her face, was answer enough for her, though.
"I didn't want to…I know I shouldn't. But…but it was…it was the only way I could feel something." Maddie said, her voice a broken whisper. Jenny closed her eyes briefly, memories flooding her. Those words were achingly familiar to her; her heart thudded in her chest; more and more memories she had spent years repressing flooding through her, whispered words and shouted accusations filling her ears.
"Feel?" Jethro questioned, his eyebrows contracting in confusion. "How can you not feel how much that must-"
"That's enough, Jethro." Jenny snapped, effectively cutting him off. Jethro looked up, slightly shocked. Jenny's eyes were hard flints of emerald, her jaw clenched tight. Jethro raised an eyebrow, but Jenny's eyes didn't soften. Instead, he looked at Maddie.
Jethro looked at the broken, hurting young woman in front of him, and his heart broke. This woman had been his Kelly's best friend. She'd been a little girl with blonde hair and crooked teeth. The two had played together, giggled together, gotten in trouble together. And now, she could never have that innocence ever again. It had been taken from her.
He glanced back over at Jenny, and stopped short once again when he caught sight of the look in her eyes. It was a mirror of Maddie's; pain and despair echoed in the green depths, although not quite as heavy. Confusion swirled through him, but he didn't let it show. It was a conversation for another time.
"Maddie, have you seen a doctor at all?" Jenny asked, tilting her head in concern at the girl. Maddie lifted her head, meeting Jenny's gaze.
"A few times. To…to confirm I was pregnant, and to get sleeping pills." she answered, her voice still soft. "I have trouble sleeping at night, so I got a prescription."
Jenny nodded in sympathy, her heart dropping even more into her stomach. Jethro's words had angered her, and she'd snapped at him. She'd seen the surprise in his gaze, but his ignorance, no matter if it wasn't his fault, had just made the anger rear its head. She regretted her harsh tone now, for more than one reason. Now, he'd start asking questions.
Questions she didn't know if she was quite ready to answer.
