A story of Speckletail and what she finds in Starclan that changes from behing a happy moment to one pure terror and anger for the tabby she-cat.

Chapter 1

Silvery mist could be seen everywhere. It was on the skies, from the horizon. Even below her. Speckletail blinked and looked about her, trying to peer through the mists. But it was so thick that it was like trying to look through a tree. She might even be near a tree and not even know it!

"Hello?" she called uncerntainly. She noticed right away that her voice sounded younger, stronger. Very unlike the croak she had mewed as an elder. She still rememberd vividly of herself sitting next to Loudbelly, Frostfur and Shadepelt as they slowly starved while their clan mates moved on to find another home after the forest fell.

A shaft of light suddenly beamed before her very eyes. The tabby she-cat crouched, frightened as she squinted at the light.

Speckletail...

Speckletail pricked her ears. It was coming from the light.

Speckletail...

She hesitated for a moment, then padded quietly to the light. The light surround her, and the she-cat was filled with warmth and comfort. There was another bright flash of light, and she found herself standing in a clearing.

Before her stood four shapes. With four very familiar faces. Faces that had ceased to breathe long ago in the living. But here they were, smiling at her invitingly. That could only mean one thing.

"Am I in Starclan?" Speckletail whispered.

A gray tom with small ears and stars shining from his pelt nodded. Smallear padded forward and touched his nose with Speckletail's.

"It's been so long," he mewed happily. He turned and waved his tail. The two other cats-Speckletai's heart leaped when she saw that it was her children Goldenflower and Lionheart-padded forward as well to touch noses with their mother.

The tabby she-cat was bursting with joy. "You have no idea how long I've waited for this moment!" she flung herself at her mate and covered his face with licks. Lionheart turned away with an embarrased look on his face while Goldenflower purred with laughter.

"Speckletail! Speckletail it's alright now! We'll have the rest of our lives to enjoy each other's company!" Smallear laughed as he tried to wrestle his mate from him.

The tabby she-cat was able to take control of herself and stood away from her mate. She looked at them with shining eyes. "You have no idea how happy I am to see you all..."

"I think we do, dear Speckletail." The last figure that had not introduced itself stepped forward. Speckletail's eyes widened when she saw who it was.

Bluestar dipped her head. "It's been a while."

Speckletail dipped her head as well. "Bluestar! How has your life been in Starclan?"

"Content to be with my starry ancestors, but still busy watching over the living," the previous Thunderclan leader mewed good-naturally. She flicked her tail behind her. "Would you like to come with us? We can introduce you to the old crew."

Speckletail nodded and followed her family and previous Thunderclan leader through Starclan. She sighed in happiness as she listened to Bluestar talk about Starclan's hunting grounds and how borders did not exist here because cats didn't need to go hungry. She felt the seasons of hard work for her clan, all the moments she struggled to help her clan, all the times she had to make choices for herself and family finally be fulfulled and worth it.

Family...

Speckletail frowned and looked at them. Someone was missing...

"Where's Snowkit?" she asked, looking around. Though he had died as a kit and would live on as one in Starclan, Speckletail was most anxicous to see him above everyone else. She still felt guilty about the Hawk that grabbed him away from her. All she wanted was to see his face and apologize endlessly for her stupid mistake!

Bluestar didn't turn around or address that she head Speckletail. The tabby she-cat looked to her mate. Smallear's head was down, his eyes clouded in guilt.

She stopped in her tracks. "Where's Snowkit?" she repeated firmly.

It was evident now that something was wrong. Goldenflower was looking anywhere but her mother, and Lionheart found his paws to be of most interest. Only Smallear and Bluestar turned to look at Speckletail. She didn't like the look on their faces.

Bluestar shook her head. "I'm sorry Speckletail, but Snowkit is not here."

Speckletail felt as if she had just died all over again. "What?" she whispered.

No, that can't be! He didn't grow to serve his clan properly, but he was just a kit! Surely Starclan would have taken pity on him and bring him to their hunting grounds?

"Starclan tried to find him!" Smallear mewed urgently. "But we couldn't. His spiri-"

"Why?" The happiness that had filled her heart was drained in rage. "Was it because he was deaf?"

"Speckletail," Bluestar mewed sadly. "It had nothing to do with Snowkit being deaf-"

"Then why isn't he here?" Speckletail screeched, losing control of herself. She had been so sure her kit would be accepted into Starclan. That one thought that kept her sane for the rest of her life for failing to protect her kit...

Smallear sighed. "After Snowkit was grabbed by the Hawk, it took him too far away for Starclan to locate him. They tried hard to look for him, but he was just too far for us to sense his presence." He shook his head sadly. "I've had to accept that we may never see him again. And you-"

"No!" Speckletail shook her head wildly. Grief threatened to flood her. This can't be happening! Snowkit's safe! He's just lost somewhere...

"Maybe he's still alive," she thought out loud. It was a slim chance to hope for it, but Speckletail latched onto the idea like a starving kit. "He could still be out there somewhere, hunting and raising a family on his own."

Bluestar sighed. "Speckletail, you know as well as I do that Snowkit is dead. Believe me, when I found out he wasn't in Starclan I tried desperately to search for him, but it's just too far and-"

"How do you know he's dead?" Speckletail demanded angrily.

The gray she-cat narrowed her eyes. "Because I accept the truth," she murmured.

Speckletail gulped. "I'm going to look for my son now," she mewed, trying hard to stay in control.

"Speckletail," Smallear mewed, padding up to her.

The pale she-cat hissed and swiped her paw at her mate. He jumped back, a look of hurt on his face more by his mate's reaction than the cut he received.

"Don't touch me!" she hissed. Speckletail turned her back on her mate and children, who looked shocked by their mother's action, and ran wildly through Starclan.

"Speckletail!" Lionheart called, following his mother.

"Let her go," Smallear murmured.

The Golden tom turned to see the gray tom sitting sadly next to Bluestar, who looked equally sad.

"She has to find out on her own, we can't force it on her," Smallear mewed quietly while Bluestar nodded stiffly.

Lionheart sighed and sat on his haunches. Goldenflower sat beside him and lowered her head in defeat. They could hear her calling Snowkit's name as she looked wildly for a small white kit with bright blue eyes.

Snowkit has never been seen at all in Starclan after his death. So I figured it could only mean he was too far away for Starclan to have been able to locate his presence, whether alive or dead.