(Monday December 17)
It was beginning to look a lot like Christmas, but Steve Rogers didn't seem to either notice or care. It would be his first Christmas since his return and he was at a loss of how to deal with it. He found the commercialism of today's world quite shocking and it left him at a loss with how to handle it all. It was beyond overwhelming. It had started before Halloween, which was disturbing to say the least. Billboards, posters, commercials on the television telling him what he needed to make him a happy person this season. He had made the mistake of watching some of the commercials out of curiosity and was dismayed to hear jingles for stores set to religious carols. He'd turned off the television and hadn't turned it on again for a week after that.
In his past, Christmas wasn't something he had been able to celebrate at great length. He and his mother had been extremely poor, but she would scrimp and save over the year to make sure he had at least one gift under the Christmas tree. And they always managed to have what he considered a feast for a Christmas dinner, though looking back on it now, he knew it was quite meager. It was usually just a roast chicken with stuffing and vegetables, but it was the best tasting meal of the year.
After she died, the orphanage he'd gone to would have a tree that they'd make homemade paper chains and ornaments for. They'd string popcorn as well, and drape it over the tree. And going to Midnight Mass had been the orphanage's main form of celebration, but for some reason, he wasn't sure if he wanted to do that this year.
For the first time in his life, he found himself at odds with God, a feeling that saddened and terrified him. Ever since he'd returned, he'd found himself questioning everything he'd been so sure of in his past. Had he made the right choice to go through with the experiment? Why had he returned? What kind of a loving God would rip somebody out of one time and throw them, completely unprepared, into another time? He had nobody to turn to anymore, and nobody understood what he was going through. He was utterly forsaken. Was there a reason for it all? In the midst of all those overwhelming questions, celebrating Christmas felt like too much to handle, and even a little false. He hated feeling this way. He'd always had such great faith before, but now…
Life had been so much simpler before. He'd known who he was and his place in the world, and what his destiny was. He was supposed to help people and help make the world a better place by fighting evil. In his heart he'd known it was God's plan for his life. He'd just had to prove it to others first. He'd joined the fight, and had done well, but had been taken out of it before the end. And sadly, when he'd returned, he'd seen that the world had learned little in his absence. Evil still abounded. From outside the world, as well as within it. He felt forgotten and irrelevant in this fast-paced world to which he'd returned.
Steve walked around his neighborhood one afternoon, a week before Christmas, and looked at all the sights. People were laughing and smiling and full of good cheer. It just reminded him of how alone he was, and how empty of good cheer he felt. He wished he felt like laughing too, instead of frowning and glaring at the happy people. Others were wrapped up in warm clothing and some were carrying bags of presents to their homes. Would he ever have somebody to get a present for? Did it even matter? There were couples walking hand-in-hand. He wanted hold hands with someone too. He resisted the urge to walk between the couples and break them apart. Since when had he become such a mean-spirited person? This wasn't like him at all.
It was a freezing cold afternoon, and he had left his gloves and scarf in his apartment. His metabolism helped keep him warmer than the average person, but it was too cold, even for him. He rubbed his hands together to warm them, and turned to walk back home again.
After arriving at his apartment building, he checked his mail and was surprised to see a package waiting for him. There was no return address on it. He rarely received mail, and hadn't sent away for anything, so he carried it up to his apartment, curious about what was inside. As he opened the brown outer paper, he saw the SHIELD insignia on the box and knew who had sent it. Fury. The man kept his distance most of the time, thankfully, but once in a while he would contact Steve to check in or give him a small assignment in the area. His latest assignment had actually been voluntary, helping out with cleaning up after the big storm in November. There had been no way he would have sat back and done nothing while the people of his city and the surrounding areas suffered, when he could have helped. He had volunteered his time and strength to that effort without asking Fury's permission. He was a free man, after all, right? What did Fury want now?
Inside the box were two DVDs, and a note. One DVD had some animated characters on the cover. He thought he'd seen them in the newspaper before. A Charlie Brown Christmas. And the other one was older, black and white. It's a Wonderful Life, starring Jimmy Stewart. A memory flashed in Steve's mind of being a young man, sitting in a movie theatre, and watching Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. He had loved that movie. He hadn't heard of It's a Wonderful Life, but if it had Jimmy Stewart in it, it was quite likely that it was good. After a minute of reminiscing, he set the movies down and picked up the note to read it.
Steve,
I thought I'd send this to you as Christmas is so close. It's a to-do list. Your assignment is to get it done by Christmas. No excuses, the list is short and easy to complete.
To be done in no particular order:
1.)Write Christmas cards to at least three people.
2.) Watch the DVDs.
3.) Buy a Christmas tree. And ornaments for it.
4.) Use your credit card—A good idea would be to buy Christmas presents for your friends. Except for me, because I'm Jewish.
5.) Use your cell phone. You have the instruction manual. Stop being so stubborn and use it already!
It's time for you to start adjusting to your new life. I know you've been working on reading history books and catching up on what you missed, but it's time to start living in today's world too. These steps will go a long way in helping you do that.
-NF
Steve took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. How could Fury presume to control his life? It was an outrage! As he stood in his kitchen, looking at the DVDs on his table, he contemplated disregarding Fury's assignment. He didn't have to, after all, he didn't work for Fury or SHIELD, really. He could just throw everything in the trash and forget he'd seen it, but part of him felt compelled to comply. After a brief, but strong internal battle with his warring halves, the compliant soldier half won out over his rebellious side. With a sigh, he picked up the note and read it again. There was one week until Christmas. It was time to get started.
