A/N: This has about 5 parts in all… It starts a little wacked out, but it gets more normal

A/N: This has about 5 parts in all… It starts a little wacked out, but it gets more normal. This takes place in yr. 7, this is a strange idea upon how the series could end…Please R/R

Disclaimer: JKR's characters, MY plot!

Nagini: HISSSSSSSS!

Voldie: Calm thy self my sweet! Your premium processed rodent giblets are almost ready!

Nagini: HISSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Voldie: Okay, Okay, Here they are (sets down a steaming plate and Nagini devours it in one gulp) my, you are hungry! (guffaw guffaw) Too bad there isn't a Harry Potter to dine upon!

Nagini: (Slyly smiles and says in Parseltongue) Oh, I'm not finished yet!

Voldie: But we don't have anything else!!

Nagini: (Eating a chair leg) Yesssssss we do!

Voldie: NOOO! Not my wife's favorite chair! NOOO!

Meanwhile, Rita Skeeter (currently a beetle on the wall) is listening, and is astounded that VOLDIE has a wife! But who was it??

Nagini: YESSSSSS, your wife's favorite chair! Boy will she be mad!

Voldie (who's face is whiter than usual): Oh, yeah! Uh, so, will you… stop now?

Nagini: Now… letssss call each other by or FULL names, now ssssssssshall we?

Voldie: (sweating) m-m-must we?

Nagini: Well, (finishing the chair) yesssss, if you don't want me to eat your wife's favorite rug…

Voldie: Okay, Okay, Empress Nagini supreme ruler of the wizarding world… NOW STOP IT!

Rita Skeeter just about falls off the wall in surprise

Nagini: Now, you worthless blob of a servant, BRING ME FOOD!

Voldie: But master… we're out of food!

Nagini: WELL THEN, Tom Marvolo Riddle Potter, (Voldie winces and Rita Skeeter falls off the wall) I SHALL EAT YOUR WAND!!

Voldie: No, No! Anything but that!

Nagini: Okay, Crucio! (Voldie falls to the ground and starts shaking violently and Rita Skeeter undoes the curse quickly, not wanting to hurt her good story)

Nagini: HEY! HOW'D YOU DO THAT?????

Voldie: I-I-I didn't, Master, someone else must've done it!

Nagini: Yessssssssssssssssssss, I suppose nobody under both the imperius and the crutaceous curse could do anything like that… Except me, of course

Meanwhile Rita Skeeter is freaking out, what if Nagini finds her? Does Voldie's name of Potter have to do with Harry Potter? Voldie's under the imperius curse? So, is NAGINI the dark lord? What does it mean?

Nagini: What if there are spies roaming? I must find them! We have let out TOP-SECRET INFO. out! Maybe I should get out of my animal form-

Voldie: NO! Please, wouldn't you rather have some food? I'll get you a nice pork-chop! Huh? How about it master?

Nagini: (easily distracted by food) Yessssss, of coursssssssse, that would be nicccce!

Voldie: (Grasping his wand shakily) Okay, Duponde Alastaber Wenk! (A lamp turns into a pork chop and Nagini Dines greedily)

Nagini: SSSSSo, Tom Marvolo Riddle Potter (Voldie winces again) Let's find us that spy. (Nagini begins to stare at Voldie strangely; he is obviously controlling him since Voldie begins to search the room)

***

Harry: Come on, Ron! We're gonna be late for breakfast!

Ron: Sorry! I'm sleepy, okay? (Harry frowns) Fine. You and Herm go ahead. I'll meet you in the Great hall, OK?

Harry: Fine. See ya. (Exits)

(In the Great Hall)

Herm: (as Harry sits down) What took you so long? Where's Ron?

Harry: He was being lazy, so he told me he'd meet me here.

Herm: Oh. By the way, you got a letter. (Herm hands him a letter) I gave Hedwig some food, so she left already.

Harry: (Opening the letter) Weird, I don't recognize the handwriting. (Here's the letter)

Harry – A letter of warning. Do you realize anything strange about your family tree? (I enclosed a copy.) I sense that trouble is upon us, don't trust easily. Beware.

Harry: Weird, It's not signed. I wonder why.

Herm: You don't think its Sirius?

Harry: No, he doesn't write like that. Besides, where would he get my family tree? He's in hiding, remember? (Studies the family tree) Well, there I am, there's my parents and their siblings, I already know them, my grandparents are: Geneva S. Knockalas, Joseph P. Evans, Anna K. Norby, Tom M. Potter, nothing weird there. Hmm, I wonder why it stops there.

Herm: (Eyes widening) Can I see it?

Harry: Sure.

Herm: (Takes it and runs to the library)

Harry: Well, she must have made some sense of it.

***

Nagini: (after a while of searching) Well, what have you found, Potter?

Voldie: Nothing but a beetle, but-

Nagini: FOOD! (Eats the beetle a.k.a. Rita Skeeter)

Rita Skeeter: NOOOOO!

Nagini: Tastes like Chicken...