Death stood in his garden, sharpening his scythe and humming a little tune to himself. He didn't need to visit anyone personally today, which was nice, but it left him with nothing to do. So he sharpened and hummed. A loud rustling made him look up. Someone, or something, was in his cornfields. He stopped sharpening and headed towards the fields. Something very angry burst out of them and glared at him, apparently not surprised to be talking to a seven-foot tall skeleton.

"Where the hell am I?" it asked. 'It' was in fact, a he, and a very green he too. He was about 6 feet tall and little sparklers seemed to fizz around him. The air around him crackled with tiny creatures that existed for an nth of a second before just ceasing to exist. They didn't die, or Death would have noticed.

THIS IS MY DOMAIN. Death told the stranger, and then asked a seldom heard question. WHO ARE YOU?

The stranger glared and then pulled himself up to his full height and, while still being shorter than Death, managed to look down his nose at him.

"Well, fancy not knowing that. Huh, I would have thought everyone would know Life when they saw him." Death, without his expression changing, gave him a pointed look. "I suppose there's an exception for everything." Life added dismissively.

THAT WOULD EXPLAIN WHY I DON'T KNOW YOU. I DID NOT KNOW LIFE HAD AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC PERSONIFICATION.

"I don't think many people do. People only see me for a second, when they're born, and no one ever remembers it. Ungrateful bastards. But I fixes that."

HOW SO?

"Have you ever heard people say things like 'Life is cruel' and 'No one ever said Life was fair'? Well, I'm all those thing that people say about life. I'm cruel to them, and I'm never fair, except in very special cases, and, sometimes, I'll treat someone so nice that everyone around them will be jealous. No one likes their life."

Death though about this for a moment. Then he asked the question that had been nagging at him since the rustling had started in the field. BUT, HOW DID YOU GET HERE?

"Well, another ting about Life is that it's very confusing. So, I'm sort of in a state of permanent confusion. At least, I am when it comes to knowing what I'm going to do next or where I am, and sometimes I forget who I am completely, but that gets fixed when someone cries out something like 'Why is Life doing this to me???' Then I remember, and I generally keep doing it." Life grinned nastily through his overgrown green hair. Death thought this was rather horrible.

AND YET THEY FEAR ME. ALL I OFFER IS PEACE, PERHAPS A NICE AFTERLIFE AND MAYBE A REINCARNATION, BUT YOU. YOU ARE CRUEL TO THEM, AND YOU TAKE PLEASURE IN IT. WHY DO THEY ALWAYS WISH TO CRAWL BACK TO YOU?

"Don't ask me, it was them who made me like this. Now, how do you get out of here?"

Death decided that it would be better if Life was gone and offered to let him use Binky. Then he went inside and watched Albert cooking something burnt and greasy in the kitchen.

WHY DID YOU DO IT ALBERT? He asked after a while.

"Do what, sir?"

WHY DID YOU CHOOSE LIFE?

"Ah, so you've met him then?" he pushed a piece of charcoal through a pool of fat. "Life's a bastard, that's for sure." He paused for a moment, deep in thought. Then he answered. "Besides sir, I wouldn't say I chose life, not exactly."

Death thought about this for a while. WELL, YOU HAVE A POINT THERE ALBERT. BUT, I ASK YOU, WHY WOULD ANYONE ELSE?

Kind of a vague ending there... *cough* *cough*

Don't expect many stories from me, writing fan fictions is very rare for me. I hope you liked this one though :D