{Bold text is flashbacks in this chapter}

Peter sat there, back against the wall in the Avengers Compound's living room/kitchen/bar area, thinking about what was going to happen tomorrow. He was buzzing with excitement to return to school, really he was, but he couldn't shake the fact that every year carried the same disappointment. And misery. And sadness and anger and guilt. A whole lot of other emotions were always swirling around as well, which was almost too hard for his mind to process. He couldn't decide if his 'Special Day' was all that special.

Yeah it was an entire day devoted to him, to share with friends and family, but it didn't feel like anything. He hadn't had a proper birthday in 2 years and he doubts he'll get one this year either. It was going to be another year lost to everything he'd already lost, if that makes any sense. Hoping for anything on the 18th of October wasn't going to be good. Trust him, he knows.

Just then, his phone pinged. He glanced down at the Stark approved technological device (a gift from Tony) as the reminder bobbed on the screen. A small smile slowly accommodated his face.

Every year, Midtown High has a HUGE field trip to some high-tech facility. The day was crampacked with cool activities, amazing QA's, exhilarating inventions, and... museums. Honestly, he'd ran out of words to describe the days out because the panic and anxiety that rose up everytime anyone mentioned it, was like a stab-wound full of memories. And it hurt.

He got his powers from a radioactive spider on one of those trips. Because of the abilities he obtained, he got angry at his remaining family. Waves of selfishness rolled over and he didn't stop Ben's death. May blames him. Hates him. Tried to kill him out of grief. Is in a mental asylum because of him. Crazy because of him. All because of one of these stupid science field trips. At least, that's what he remembered last.

Rain pattered against the windows on the far right-hand side of the lounge as a lonely tear trekked down his cheek. Smile unsurprisingly gone.

These field trips brought the pain back. The only reason he was even thinking of going, was because he had yet to see Ned or MJ in the flesh since he got back. Skype isn't the same. He didn't even tell them he was coming in tomorrow. Wanted to see their faces. He didn't want to let them down, but he knows that they are going to ask him where his 'holiday' was. Of course, that was only a coverup for when he went missing for a year and a half. It hurt that he couldn't tell them were he went as they could be in danger. Still, he wished he could.

The Oscorp thing had happened 2 years ago. Then the experiments happened with HYDRA. His team only caught wind of him a few months ago and searched non stop for him on Mt. Elbrus in Russia. They found him at the entrance of the base, sat cross-legged on a rock, door busted off its hinges, bloody corpses scattered around him. Immediately they brought him back to the compound to recover and gain his humanity back. That was 5 months ago. The others thought that he was like Bucky. No memory of what he did, but that was a lie. Peter remembered everything from HYDRA. Where his was base, codename, his handler/torturer, the Blade Room, even the showers where burning into his memory as they didn't bother to brainwash him after the first time.

But that was all behind him now. He was free. The forgotten smile creeped back up his features. Maybe, everything will be okay. He was sure he was ready to face the music again.

But his happiness faultered.

What if it all went wrong?

Again?

Panic rose up, threatening to overpower.

Suddenly, as the teen was still in his cupboard of tied-up emotions, Tony, Steve, Clint and Bucky made their presence known by thundering into the spacious area firing... Nerf darts? Startled by the loud squeals that definitely came from Tony's direction, (Even if the man denied everything later on to do with said noise. (F.R.I.D.A.Y really is the best at salvaging triple encoded content)) Peter squeezed himself further into the padded corner. Eyes full of alarm at the fake intruders.

Peter knew that it was only part of the gang as they were really loud, and his senses had warned him 4 minutes ago to their arrival, but with all the building up stress, everything collapsed. His dam broke, flooding his brain with fear. Panic. Desperation. He was lulled into a flashback of his HYDRA cell covered in blood. "no no no... nonononono..." He muttered. "Ah, you must be the newbie." A voice spat sweetly in the confines of the dark cell he'd been thrown into. The teen looked around for an escape route while the voice dragged on. "-breaking you will be a wonderful pleasure." Peter stopped. A scream was ripped from him when an arm that was too quick for him to register shot out and hauled him into a wall.

The scene turned black with only the sounds of the hundreds of missions they sent him on.

No one noticed.

"Can't hit me Spangles!" Called a certain mechanic from behind the oak doorframe. Using it as a shield, he deflected any and all foam objects shot his way. Changing his angle slightly, Tony flicked the end of his Nerf gun to topple over a little wooden coffee table on his right, into Steve's path. The soldier fell with an uncircumcised grunt onto the carpeted floor as laughter burst out from Bucky's spot above the kitchen cabinets. Scrambling to his feet when he was about to get bombarded with bullets from a sneaky archer who was perched onto to the fridge, Steve dove behind the upturned sofa to his right, away from the line of fire. Peter's eyes had long since glassed over, fingers shaking uncontrollably.

No one noticed.

Peaking over the top of the piece of furniture, the captain spotted the perfect opportunity. Sliding his gun so it was just looking over the chair, he aimed for the patch of ceiling right above Tony's combed head. Smirking gleefully, he pulled the trigger.

"HEY BUCK! Bet you can't get this juicy piece of-HEY!" The dart had bounced off the painted ceiling and hit the genius on the forehead as he shouted to the ex-assassin. Fury exploded across his face.

"Sir." Came the voice of F.R.I.D.A.Y. All heads (minus a nearly-in-tears teenager) swivelled to the sound of the A.I. "I believe that the game is over as Captain Rodgers managed to shoot you. Team ManMan wins." The smiles of two soldiers were as bright as the sun, whereas Clint scowled at the floor, annoyed beyond compare. Tony just screeched.

"NOOOOO! I CAN'T LOSE TO AN 100 YEAR OLD GRAMPA!" Came a pained wail, causing the only minor present to flinch violently in his corner. Peter's scene then suddenly changed to an operating room with him strapped to a vibranium table.

"You have succeeded nicely Эфиалтес." His commander said. "Maybe, if you're good in torture today, we'll get you a special treat to help you take down the Avengers." A man evilly looked at his his favourite play thing, watching him stare blankly at the ceiling, waiting for his punishment. The word 'Avengers' didn't even effect him anymore, the meaning 'seeming' to be 'lost' in his 'non existent' memories. The scientist grinned and gently, with the uttermost care, stabbed a scalpel viciously into his already mangled limb. His sinister laugh as Peter screamed before he was gagged. The echoes bouncing all through the scene. The man rendered him drowning in pain.

He was crying silently now.

No one noticed.

Clint proceeded to drag Tony out of the room, mumbling something to do with the mechanic owing the other a planeload of milkshakes. The grumbles soon faded down the hallway. Laughter erupted from Bucky and Steve, tears spilling down their rosy faces.

"His face was priceless!" Bucky squealed.

"Yeah! That was fun!" Steve chuckled out.

Finally, when they both began to collect the guns with their coloured bullets that were scattered everywhere, Bucky heard something. Tiny little sniffles and panicked gasps fluttered to his hypersensitive ears. Bucky froze, slowly pivoting on his feet. Steve seemed to notice too, glancing around the room. Pushing the sofa back into it's original position exposed the source.

Peter.

{_~_}

...Everything hurt. Tears were trickling out of his sorrow-filled eyes. The desolation could be seen twisting and churning inside them. He could feel it. Affliction flooding down, down, down. Down into the floaty pit that was becoming his head...

The whimpering child clutched his head inbetween his hands and knees, muttering broken sentences. The 2 friends turned to each other, gave a curt nod, and ran to the teen's sides. Steve carted his fingers through Peter's hair, talking to him about the new LEGO set that might come out in a week or so, (He honestly didn't know much about the LEGO the kid plays with, and it was a coping mechanism) but he knew that there was going to be a Spider-man combo set in remembrance to the 'missing' hero. The team thought it would be amusing to give it to the real Spider-man for him to build, even if the suit had Ben hung up for a while.

Bucky tried to prize Peter's head out from its prison. With great difficulty, he managed to free his skull. However, Peter in his panicked state, didn't want to be moved. Using his hyped senses, the teen grabbed Bucky's hand in one of his, twisted the hand around onto the male's back and quick-palmed his shoulder out of its socket. Peter broke the shoulder blade in the process too. In 3 places.

The soldier cried out in pain. Steve winced. Peter packed a lot of strength in his small body. Steve simply just held the spider in one arm whispering calming words in his ear until he fell unconscious a little while later and poor Bucky had to sit with his broken shoulder being held in a vice-like grip by the spider. He was eventually released and he shuffled away as quietly as he could manage.

The Captain was still sliding his hands through the soft locks of hair that adorned the little Avenger's skull when he deposited him in the plush bed of what was dubbed 'The Spider Den'. An exhausted sigh rose from all 3 occupants as the two soldiers left the bedroom to seek medical attention for Bucky's shoulder and Peter curled up under the covers.

The panic that spurred the attack for Peter that evening never went away, as 2 things wafted around in his sleep riddled mind. Tomorrow was the cool sciencey trip which he was really excited to go on, but...

It was also Peter's 18th birthday.