Title: A decade

Author: EmiliaGalotti

Rating: Teens

Season: After unending, before Sam leaves for Atlantis

Category: Angst/Romance

Featured Characters: J. O'Neill/ S. Carter

Summary: Just a simple goodbye, sans words.

Author's note: Didn't know that I could actually write something like this… and yes there are sexual references… Enjoy!

He has known her for a decade, seen her laugh, seen her cry, studying the lines on her face, the simple smiles. The way she had always tried to annoy him with her techno babble, sometimes intentionally, sometimes not. Watched the stars on his deck, counting the scars, visible or not. Sharing grief, anger and worse. Making her laugh. But he's never seen her with long hair. Well, at least not in this reality.

She opens the door, says goodbye, closes a decade behind her. Her steps echoing the words unuttered. She smiles, genuinely, affectionately, he knows. They have gotten closer over the last years, and yet she is leaving. Because he wanted her to, because he set her free. She will be his anyway.

Her hair touches skin, slightly framing her face, telling him that things may change. Maybe they will not, maybe they never will. She is older, more mature; her eyes do no longer hold the vibrant innocence they did once. Her pulsating eagerness faded over the years, an unvoiced enthusiasm remained. And she is stronger in so many ways he has never expected. And she has never been more beautiful.

Wants her to stay forever, to never leave this room again, keeping her safe, he knows he can't and never did. She doesn't wait for a response, doesn't need him to find the words, and doesn't want him to speak. It simply isn't necessary. The silence conveys the implications more accurately than any word ever could.

He embraces her, a slow and painful goodbye, feels her breathing, trembling, feeling him before the leaves for Pegasus, her own command, she will be in charge, graciously in charge, he is sure of it. Her body reminds him of moment of sweet oblivion, ecstatic love and agonizing despair. She smells like home in so many ways he never wanted to admit. Her firm grip reminds him of her strength, though. And yet she telling him things he can't decipher, words he just doesn't hear, just a fragmentary murmuring, clarifying her affection.

And he wants to throw her on the table, feel her on him, one last time, before she leaves. Wants to strip her roughly, taking her wholeheartedly, touching all of her, tasting and smelling. To claim her one last time before she will be millions of light years away. He doesn't resist, though.

Feels her beneath him, surprised, but not unwilling, fiddles with his jeans, then hands under her skirt. Frantic, stripped of all tenderness. Reassurance gone, this is the answer, his statement. And although he doesn't like it either, it's not about her.

It's his way of telling her things he can't and won't verbalize, his way of telling her how much he will miss her.

She is trembling, and yet he isn't gentle with her. Rushed, avoiding the emptiness to come. Expecting the sweet release, her hips eagerly matching his pace, a confirmation that she is still there. Hasn't left yet. Kisses her, doesn't want to stop yet. Still feels her, needs her.

"Sorry.", he mutters when they have finished.

She just shakes her head, her eyes showing him that she knew he needed it.

"There is nothing to apologize for."

The leaves for the bathroom, rearranges her clothes, her make up, her hair.

He just watches, then plays with her hair, he loves its texture on his skin.

"Be careful." He just states when she leaves, closes the decade behind her.

He swallows, she's still on him, while he is waiting for the void to come.