1987
It was getting dark outside. Her father had gone for a walk in the fields behind thier house, that is if you wnated to call them fields. They were fields of desert dirt and sand, so unlike the green fields that she had been surrounded by as she was little. But after her mother's death, her father had wanted to leave the only home she had ever known. So they had packed their belongings along with her brother, Seth, and moved to Vegas. She missed the green of thier place back in Virginia, but her family was here so she was here. But right now, she was concerned about her father.
She called one of his friends from work and her came over. After hearing her concern that her father might have gotten lost, he organized a few other friends and the search began. An hour later, it was over. The police had to be called, as did the coroner.
Carol sat in the living room of their house, wondering what would become of her and Seth. More than that, she wondered why he had done it. Mr. Burris, Dad's friend, had found him hanging from a tree in one of the fields. Apparently he had hung himself. The police detective that had arrived first was bringing someone else to talk to her. She looked up into the bluest eyes she had ever seen. The man had curly brown hair and was wearing a very concerned look. "Carol, this is Gil Grissom...he's from forensics. He's here to investigate your father's death."
"Nothing to investigate," she replied. "He killed himself."
The man with the blue eyes, Gil Grissom, looked shocked. "How can you be so sure?"
"He hung himself." Tears were threatening to break through her anger.
He sat beside her on the couch and spoke very softly. "Well, it's my job to investigate...just to be sure that we understand what happened."
She looked at him again. He was a nice looking man...better than nice looking. His eyes were very expressive and he had a cute mouth, complete with a dimple in his chin. Too bad she was only sixteen...well, almost seventeen, but still...jailbait as far as he was concerned. She was guessing he had about 10 years on her, maybe fifteen. But she liked older guys, boys her age seemed stupid. Yep, she liked real men. And then she remembered why he was here in the first place. Dad had given up.
Mr. Dreamy Blue Eyes had a few questions for her and did some snooping. In the end he said it was a suicide. No news flash there. They had found some towels under Dad's bed with blood. Mr. Blue Eyes had checked Dad's arms and found evidence that he had tried to slit his wrists. There were also some meds missing from the medicine cabinet. Seemed Dad had messed up a couple of attempts before getting it right. Now she and Seth were left to fend for themselves.
Some woman came from Social Services to take them to a home until arrangements could be made. The woman looked like she should have been a prison guard or something, she was so bulked up and mean looking. Carol decided not to cross her and let Seth know he'd better behave too. In the end, their grandmother came to stay with them. She decided to live in Las Vegas in their house so that Carol and Seth could stay at the same school. Carol was happy that Grandmother would take care of them. She was cool.
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1990
Carol was having a great day. She had aced that exam in her English Lit class and her History instructor had let them out early. She headed home from campus, looking forward to the extra time in her afternoon. Grandma had promised her favorite supper tonight, her special lasagna, and Carol could almost taste it already. She had another exam tomorrow, Geology, and would spend the evening studying before going to party with friends. As she pulled into her driveway, she noticed the front door had been left open. Grandma must have not closed it when she got the mail.
Carol walked into the house, into what could onlybe described as a horror chamber. Blood was everywhere. Furniture was overturned, lamps broken, and at the far end of the room was her grandmother. She was bleeding heavily. Carol ran to the phone and called the police. Help was on its way. She returned to her grandmother, talking to her and begging her not to die. Grandmother never opened her eyes or spoke. By the time help arrived, she was gone.
The same detective showed up. Later, Mr. Dreamy Blue Eyes appeared. Nothing like living your worst nightmare over and over again thought Carol. They asked questions but this time she really had no answers. Thankfully the police wouldn't let Seth in the house. And since Carol was 19 now, Social Services did not have to be called. She could take charge of Seth.
Blue Eyes did much more investigating this time. Carol was glad; she hoped they would catch whoever did this to her grandmother. Carol didn't know if she would ever be able to get the last images of her to out of her mind. Grandmother had been beaten almost beyond recognition. Carol held her tears back through it all, at least until that night in their hotel room when she finally gave into grief.
Blue Eyes, Mr. Grissom, showed up the next day at her hotel. He had a couple more questions. His expression was kind and full of concern. He spoke with that same soft, gentle voice that she remembered from before. His kindness was something she was sure she would never forget.
It took weeks, but they finally caught the creep that killed her grandmother. Carol went to the trial several moths later just to see what he looked like and to sit there and hope that all of Hell would be burn over his head. Mr. Grissom testified. Wow, did he ever look hot in a suit. Carol couldn't take her eyes off of him.. Neither could any of the females in the jury box.
The creep was found guilty and sent to jail for life, whatever that meant. Carol had heard of people getting Life and then being out in just a few years. That night, as she thought about the trial and what had actually gotten the conviction, she realized it was the testimony of Blue Eyes. Carol wanted to thank him so she wrote him a letter. The next morning, she mailed it to him at the CSI address she found in the phone book.
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1992
Carol was sitting in her Constitutional Law class when her friend, Marcia, showed her the flyer. Glancing at it she saw that it was about a guest speaker in the Crimminal Justice Department. "Why would I want to go hear this?" Carol asked. "I'm not into CJ."
"I know. But everyone says he's really good. He's a forensics expert here in Vegas and besides, he has dreamy eyes. They say he has some really cool stories about crimes too. Everybody is going."
Carol looked more closely at the flyer...it was Blue Eyes. "Okay, I guess I'll go."
That afternoon she sat with friends in the lecture hall. They had arrived early enough to get good seats in the cneter about half way up the first section. She watched as he walked into the room. She noticed that many of the women of the room were watching also. As she watched, she thought he seemed uncomfortable as the center of attention. He was preparing, setting out his notes, setting up equipment, and taking possession of the lectern. As he became more organized, his comfort level seemed to rise.
Finally the room was full and it was time for him to begin. "Good afternoon," he said in a firm but gentle tone. "My name is Gil Grissom and I am a criminalist with the LVPD. " As he continued talking his eyes travelled the room. Carol recognized the technique; look all around, just above the heads of your listeners and they all think you are talking to them. He was explaining the role of forensics in police investigations. After a few minutes, he paused for a sip of water, his eyes still looking around the room. He looked at her with a quizzical expression, then recognition, and then his eyes moved away.
Grissom continued his talk but Carol wasn't following it closely. She was focused on him, his look, his mannerisms, the sound of his voice. She felt a flush rise in her as she realized where her thoughts were taking her with regard to him. Again, she suspected that many of the women were having a similiar experience.
He had slides to show that emphasized his words. She wished she had been following his talk closer, she might understand the pictures on the screen better. But she was too caught up in the rhythm and timbre of his voice; not to mention his eye pleasing body. Her mind wandered over him and wondered about him through the remainder of his talk. Finally she realized that he had opened the floor for questions. Many hands went up. He answered questions for another fifteen minutes, his eyes finding her frequently. Finally he thanked everyone for their attendance and ended the session.
Carol stood, with her friends, waiting to work her way to the aisle and file out. There was a buzz in the room as the attendees talked about his lecture. But very quietly above the buzz, she heard her name. "Carol?" Many pairs of eyes turned to her, wondering how she knew him. She looked in his directon and smiled. Grissom returned her smile and took a few steps toward the aisle as if trying to reach her. When she got to the end of the row, she turned toward him, moving against the traffic flow. Fighting her way through the line of people, she fianlly made it down to him. "I thought that was you..." he said.
"Ah...yes, I saw the flyer and thought I'd come check it out. Nice talk."
He smirked. "Yeah...thanks. But this isn't really my thing. I like talking to students but this crowd is larger than I like." He paused and there was an awkward moment between them. "Look, how about a cup of coffee?"
"I'd like that."
"Okay, good. Let me get my stuff and we'll break out of here." He turned and went back to the lectern. Pulling the carosel, he slipped it into a carrier. Then he gathered his folder with his notes in it and put it into a briefcase. Once he had everything packed, he gather them in his hands and they left the lecture hall. "My car's just out back. I'll put these things in it and we can find that coffee."
There was a little cafe across the street from the campus and within a few minutes, they were seated at a table and waiting for the server to bring the coffee. "So how have you been?" His voice was tender and filled with concern.
"I'm okay. Things were rough for awhile. But we made it. Seth is a freshman here now and I'm in my last year. And you are still here, still investigating?"
"Yes, I am. I...ah, got your letter...after your grandmother's case. Thank you." She was mezmerised by the sincerity of his expression. Her letter had meant something to him.
"I just...I wanted to thank you for helping to put that guy away. You really seemed to care. But do you think we could find something to talk about besides all that? The memories are still pretty hard to deal with."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."
"It's okay...just time to move on." She couldn't help but smile at the gentle soul that sat across the table from her.
"Yeah...so, what are you studying?"
"Literature, with minors in history and poly sci. Don't ask me what I'm going to do with it, I have no idea."
He smiled at her forthrightness. "Teach maybe?"
"Possibly, but right now I don't feel inclined that way. My secret dream is to write the great American novel, of course."
"Why?" He smiled at her light attempt at humor.
"Isn't it every Lit major's dream?" She chuckled. "So what was your major in school? I don't see you hanging out with the CJ crowd."
"CJ?" He thought for a moment. "Oh...Criminal Justice. I was a Biology major and later concentrated on Entomology."
"Entomology? Ah...bugs? What's that got to do with investigating crime."
He lit up as he launched into an explaination of how he can use bugs to determine TOD and also what other kinds of clues they leave. "And we learn new things everyday," he said. "More and more information is becoming available and with the new DNA knowledge...well, this is just an exciting time in forensics."
"Wow, sounds impressive."
"Have you ever considered a career in law enforcement...more specifically forensics?"
"No to both. I couldn't do what you and the other investigators did in my father's and my grandmother's cases. It would be too close to home for me. Besides, I just don't have the right mindset for all that science."
Tilting his head to one side, he looked thoughtful. "Hey, I'm writing an article for a forensics journal. I need someone to proof it for me. Would you be interested? I can't pay you a lot but I could offer you something for your time."
"I'd like to do it, but no payment is necessary. One day you'll write abook, I'm sure. You can pay me alot of money to proof that."
Smiling, he nodded. "Okay...although I'm not too sure about the book."
She jotted her number on a napkin and gave it to him. "Call me when you're ready for me to proof the article. It'll be good practice for me."
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2007
Gil Grissom closed the book. It was an amazing piece of fiction by one of his favorite authors, Carol Spencer. His mind wandered back to her all those years ago. He smiled as he remembered that her proof reading of one of his articles had given her the idea of her first book. Since then she'd published a new book about every three years. He'd read them all. They exchanged e-mails occassionally. Sometimes she asked him technical questions for her next novel. He had even gotten credited in her last novel. And the forward to this one had dedicated the book to him.
Their years long relationship continued to surprise him. It had begun under such strained circumstances. Then they'd met at one of his talks and things had progressed on a more personal note...a very personal note. The affair had been unexpected and very intense. She had finished proofing his article and he had gone by her place to pick it up. She was showing him her notes, their heads together, when he was overcome with an impulse to kiss her. The kiss had turned into lots of kisses and then more, so much more. It lasted for six months, six fantastic months. And then he had gotten scared. Fear drove him as he pulled back, withdrawing from her until finally it ended.
That's why their continued friendship surprised him. She had always stayed in touch. She'd left Vegas two months after they broke up but there had always been letters and now e-mails. Occassionally they saw each other when one was travelling in the direction of the other. There was a part of him that still loved her and he still felt cowardly for not following his heart with her. How would his life be different now if he had? I love Sara. And what we have is so special...I'm so happy with her. But what have I missed out on buy not staying with Carol? How would I be different?
Grissom's thoughts were cut short by Sara's appearance in his doorway. "Hey, ready to go?"
"Yeah," he smiled. Rising from his chair, he threw the book in his bag with some files and headed out for 'lunch' with his wife.
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One month later
Grissom was reading his e-mails when he saw one from Carol. He skipped several from Ecklie to access hers.
Dear Gil,
Haven't heard if you liked the book or not. Hope the dedication didn't embarrass you. It was from the heart...one last attempt to let you know what you have menat in my life. I'm dying...cancer. No tears please. I just didn't want you to wonder why I fell off the earth. Drs. say I have three months, maybe. ...more like three weeks., in reality. Sorry, don't mean to make you sad.
One more loose end as far as you are concerned. If you are not sitting, then do it. I've attached a picture for you. I won't go into long explanations of why I'm just now telling you ...I just haven't. But now I'm convinced that you should know about your son, William Gilbert or Billy, as we call him. You can do the math, he's 14. I didn't find out about him until after we had broken up...just as I was moving actually. It was clear you didn't want a forever kind of relationship so I just kept him to myself. I know you...you would have felt committed...and trapped---no good for any of us. But now, he needs you.
I'm sorry to lay this on you but I have no choice. I've looked around at the options for him and none are as good as you. I know you would be a good father. Please, Gil...say you will take him and finish raising him. He needs someone like you. Actually he reminds me of you daily.
Let me know your decision soon. I'm running out of time.
Carol
He leaned back in his chair in shock. She was pregnant when she left...when he had driven her away. In a sudden fury he swiped his hand across his desk, sending papers flying. His hands went to his head, on either side as his head sank. Then he remembered the attachment. Looking back at the screen, he opened the attachment.
The picture of the boy could have been of him at that age. There were slight variations but there was no question in Gil's mind that Billy was his, not that he would have doubted Carol. She had always been honest with him. He was the one who had been dishonest about his feelings for her. He knew instantly what he answer would be. He wasn't sure how Sara would take the news...or even how he would tell her. But he knew what he was going to do. Opening his messsage screnn he began to type.
Carol
I'm sorry...sorry that I was such an ass and you couldn't tell me about Billy. Sorry that my stupidity and cowardice has robbed me of 14 years of my son's life. Sorry I haven't been there for either of you. I am on my way. Will let you know when I get there.
Gil
He hit the send button and then closed the laptop. Grabbing his jacket, he headed out. Catching Catherine in the hall he explained that he was leaving early and then headed home. He needed to talk to Sara. He hoped she would understand; but whatever her reaction, he knew what he was going to do. He was going to Virginia to bring his son home with him.
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One Week Later
Gil Grissom stood outside her door, waiting for someone to answer. It was a beautiful,crisp Fall morning in Charlottesville. Carol had moved here after her second novel and lectured frequently at the University. He hadn't understood her attraction at the time, but now that he knew that she had a child to consider, her decision made sense. It was a wonderful place to raise a child.
He and Sara had arrived three days ago. Sara had been hurt at first that he had never told her about Carol or Billy. It took awhile to get her to understand that he couldn't tell her about Billy because he hadn't known. "Well, you should have!" she had snapped at him."Yes," he had admitted. "I should have. And now that I do know about him, I want to do what is right. And I need your support in this." Finally she had cooled down and reason had set in. "Of course he can come live with us," she had finally told him. "He's your son, Gil...this is where he belongs. Besides, I've done the getting passed around thing...no way he deserves that."
So Sara had come to Virginia with him to meet Carol and Billy. She flew back this morning, leaving him to spend some time with Carol and get to know his son. Sara seemed to have warmed to the idea of instant parenthood and was making plans to convert the guest bedroom into Billy's room. Gil was certain that they would arrive home to a new look.
The door opened and Billy allowed him to enter. Their first meeting had been awkward, at best. Billy resented his father's sudden appearance in his life. Carol had done some fast talking to convince him that Gil really hadn't known and that if he had, he would have been there all along. Billy's resentment toward Gil turned from the suspicion that he never wanted his son to resentment that he hadn't wanted Carol. Finally Gil had taken the boy off where they could talk by themselves...no women. He gave it to him straight and simple. "Billy, you're right about me. I did abandon your mother and I know I hurt her deeply. I have no excuse. I loved her so much it scared me; threatened to turn my whole world upside down and make me come out of my cocoon. It scared the shit out of me and I took the coward's way out. I'm sorry...sorry for what it did to her and what it did to you...for what I missed."
"You showed up here with a wife..."
Gil sighed deeply. "Yeah...it took Sara seven years to break through the walls I had built around me and another two after that...plus her almost getting killed, for me to understand how much she means to me. We've only been married a short time...very short time. And as happy as I am, I still wonder from time to time 'what if'...what if I had stayed with Carol all those years ago? How would my life be different? And since she told me about you...the 'what if' has gotten a lot bigger. Look, if you don't want to come back to Vegas and live with me and Sara, I think I can understand that. But it's what your Mom wants. And now that I know about you, it's what I want to. Won't you at least give me a chance to be your father? If not for my sake, then for your Mother's?"
Billy considered his father's words and finally agreed that he would give it a shot. Gil had won the battle...but could he survive the war?
Carol still had the spark in her eyes that had attracted him to her in the first place but the rest of her was hardly recognizable. The cancer was a fast growing strain and had done its damage. He had seen skeletons that looked better. The plan was that he would spend most of the days with her, taking Billy to school, tending to his needs, and getting to know the boy. Gil had requested and demanded an open ended LOA so that he could stay as long as he was needed and bring Billy back after Carol was gone.
Billy was ready for Gil to drive him so the two left for school immediately. Little was said in the car.
"You have everything you need?" the father asked the son. "Money for lunch?"
The question drew a small grin from the boy. "I have lunch money but I won't turn down more..."
"Nice try," Gil smirked. "You'll have to tell me how that works, anyway. Do you get paid by the week or the month?"
"Mom usually gives me a week's worth on Mondays. If I get to Friday and I'm out of money. then it's my tough luck."
"Smart woman, your Mother..."
"Yeah...she is," he said sadly.
Gil pulled into the school drive and Billy hopped out of the car. "Bell rings at 3:30. Meet here?"
"Yeah...3:30, okay. Uh...have a nice day?"
"Yeah...right. Whatever." Billy turned and headed into the building.
"He's a good kid. You've done a good job. " Gil said to Carol later that morning.
"Thanks, but he's an easy one. Alot like you...inate kindness, doesn't like to see people hurting and will do what he can to keep it from happening."
Gil frowned at her words. "If that were true, I wouldn't have treated you as I did...pushing you away like that. I hurt you and I'll never forgive myself."
"I've forgiven you, Gil...long ago. It did hurt, but I understood. You have such a tender heart; you were protecting yourself. I wish I had known how to reassure you that I wouldn't hurt you."
"Carol...I was just being selfish. I was afraid that things might have to change and I liked things like they were. I knew you wouldn't hurt me...you are the one with the tender heart."
Carol chuckled a little. "Poor Billy doesn't stand a chance, does he? Two tender hearted wusses for parents."
Gil laughed with her as he held her hand. "I don't see you as weak, Carol. I mean, look at all you've accomplished. I remember the first day we met...your father had died and you were a mess. And then your grandmother...I was afraid it would destroy you, but you fought your way through. You're one of the strongest women I've ever known. I hope Billy has your strength."
"Thank you," she said quietly. "But you are strong too Gil, just not in a way that the rest of the world appreciates. I've told you before, I couldn't do what you've done all these years...fighting against the evils that people commit...trying to make snese out of senslessness."
"I don't fight anything...I just try to find the truth."
"And you don't think that finding the truth isn't a fight? Look around you, Gil...people only want to hear lies that make them comfortable. Most people are afraid of the truth...you never have been. That's why I want you to take Billy."
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Three Weeks Later
It was a bright, warm day as Gil and Billy left the airport and stepped into the Nevada sun. Sara was on a case and couldn't meet them so Gil hailed a cab. Once they made it to the townhouse, Gil showed Billy his room. His son began the task of unpacking.
Sara had redone the room, using colors and ideas from Billy's room in Virginia. Gil smiled as he thought how much effort she had put into it. He appreciated it even if Billy didn't seem to notice. The boy was still in a dark place. the last few days of his mother's life had been very difficult and Billy had been here through it all. Gil had found an excuse to get the boy out of her room when he realized the end was just a few minutes away. She had died in Gil's arms, his sobs covering her last gasp.
The funeral had been well attended. The service was short but full of stories from Carol's life...a celebration of this life and a prayer for her life to come. Billy pretty much wandered around in a trance for the few days it took for Gil to make arrangements for his stuff to be shipped to Vegas. There had also been school records to hunt down and have sent. Carol had already planned for the disposal of her house and all the financial provisions for Billy had been explained to Gil by her attorney. She had set up a monthy payment for his expenses and a trust for his college education. The rest was to go to him on his twenty fifth birthday. Gil instructed the attorney to roll the monthly payments back into the trust and that he, Billy's father, would pay for the day to day expenses. "I hope Billy knows what a lucky young man he is, I mean with you ready to step in and take responsibility for him," said the lawyer as they shook hands at the end. "I don't think he knows much of anything right now," said Gil. "He's just trying to survive from one minute to the next without his mother."
But now in Vegas, the boy seemed to have a little more life to him...still very sad, thought Gil, but coming out of it some. Bruno bounded through the house when Gil let him in from outside. He quickly found Billy and sat watching him as he unpacked. Billy hadn't been comfortable with the boxer at first, but as the day wore on, Billy and Bruno became friends.
That afternoon Gil decided to show Billy some of Vegas. They drove past some of the Vegas landmarks and down the strip. Neither felt like being around people so the tour was a driving one only. On the way back to the townhouse, they drove by the high school that Billy would attend. "It's big," he commented.
"Yeah...it is. It'll be okay though." answered Gil.
"Yeah...but..."
Gil sensed that his son wasn't ready to tackle a new school yet. "Of course, we don't have to rush...why don't we wait until next week to enroll you? Give you a chance to get settled first." Billy's relief was noticable.
Sara came home after a double. As tired as she was, she insisted on spending some time with them before heading for bed. She was careful to let Billy set the pace on their developing relationship. She knew he wasn't ready for a new mother, she just hoped that he would see her as a friend. For now, at least, Gil would do the parenting. Perhaps later she would become a friendly step mom, she hoped.
"People are asking where you are..." she told Gil as he followed her down the hall to their room. She was heading for bed and he just wanted a few minutes alone with her. Things were changing for their routine and he realized that he would have to make a point of stealing time alone with her. "Really?" he asked as he wrapped his arms around her once they were int he privacy of the bedroom.
"Yeah...they keep asking me..."
Her words were cut short by his kiss. He finished the kiss and responded. "So what are you telling them?"
"That you are in the family way..."
He grinned at her. "Bet that just gets more questions."
"And some odd looks."
"I'll try to swing by and talk to the team soon. My priorities are changing and it will impact them."
"Okay, well, I'm beat. As much as I love talking and kissing, I need sleep."
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Thanksgiving
Sara had gone out of her way to try to make it a traditional holiday. Gil went into the kitchen and helped her with the turkey. Soon Billy was in the kitchen also. He became the official taster. Sara needed one because she had attempted a pie. Also, there were the dressing and vegetables that needed the right amount of seasoning. She had also made a vegetarian dish that was suppossed to replace turkey for her. By now Billy had learned that the kitchen was not Sara's beat room and so he began teasing her about her undertaking. Sara laughed with him, taking the teasing good naturedly. Gil watched them with a smile on his face. Their little family was coming together.
Later, at the table, Billy began to look sad. "What's wrong Billy? Did we miss one of your favorites?" asked Sara.
"I..un, am just missing Mom."
"Yeah..." she said with compassion. "Hey, what were the traditions with your Mom? I mean, did you do anything special?"
"We had to tell something we were thankful for before we ate." he said.
"That seems appropriate," offered Gil.
"I'll start," said Sara. "But is it only one thing a or can you name a few?"
"Oh...as many as you want," answered Billy. "But don't let the food get cold." They all chuckled.
"Okay, then let's see...I'm thankful for Gil in my life, and for my friends. I'm thankful for surviving Natalie. And I'm thankful for you, Billy. You're a special addition to our lives that I cherish more everyday." Sara smiled at the boy as he blushed. "Okay...who's next?"
"Me," said Billy. "I'm thankful for my Mom, all that she did for me. And I'm thankful that when she told you about me, you came to get me Dad. And I'm thankful that you were with her at the end...it made it easier for her, I think. And Sara, I wasn't too thrilled with you at first but now I'm glad you are married to my Dad, so I'm thankful for that too. I'm just glad to have a family."
As Gil listened, several emotions ran through him. He loved Sara so much and she had brought him so much happiness and now he had Billy too. Their relationship was constantly improving. He wished Carol were still with them, but was glad he had spent that time with her. His life had changed so much in the last few months and as much as he had been afraid of the changes, he was happy with them. All of these thoughts were running around in his brain when it became his turn. He smiled and looked meaningfully at Billy and then Sara before picking up his fork to sample the feast before him, saying simply, "I'm thankful that my job is no longer what I live for."
The End...or is it the beginning of Gil's new life?
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